Howard Stern will celebrate his sixtieth birthday at the Hammerstein Ballroom on January 31st, and he has officially announced some of the evening’s hottest headliners. Hosted by superfan Jimmy Kimmel and presented by SiriusXM, the powerhouse event will have performances from some of Stern’s most-loved musicians, including Jon Bon Jovi, John Fogerty, & Steven Tyler. As for the other A-listers, confirmations are coming, but Stern has hinted at some big names. And though it pains The Dishmaster to divulge this, I tried and failed to get tickets to the King’s big day. Rumor has it I’m not the only person who’s been listening for more than half my life, so I’ll take the hit with my head held high. There’s still hope, so I’d encourage all my readers to keep their fingers crossed on my behalf.