David Letterman Retires — Should Zach Galifianakis Replace Him?

After much research, many projections, and endless suggestions, I’ve personally picked the perfect replacement for David Letterman. Zach Galifianakis is the only option that fits. He’s young, he’s fresh, he’s innovative, and most importantly — he’s hilarious. His ‘Funny or Die’ sketch with President Obama solidified his high-status success, and his down-to-earth, every-man presentation makes him more unique than his competitors. As for the other names being thrown around, I’ll take a moment to tell you why they won’t work.*

1. Howard Stern — He’s a radio legend, but Stern himself has complained about network restrictions, and the man is at his best in a free-spoken format. Plus, if it ain’t broke . . .

2. Chelsea Handler — Chelsea is too niche a host to survive in a prime-time format. She’s certainly a strong choice, but her mass appeal is questionable.

3. Craig Ferguson — Not funny enough (sorry, Craig).

4. Chris Rock — Much like Howard Stern, this format is far too restrictive for Rock’s imagination.

5. Louis C.K. — Maybe. But probably not.

6. Conan — One and done. His brand became tarnished with the late-night debacle, and his opportunity on the main stage is now compromised.

7. Jay Leno — NO. JUST NO.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Zach Galifianakis was actually my brother’s idea, but don’t all the best artists steal?