Author: The Dishmaster

X Factor Premieres — Britney Spears Kills

I held my breath for this premiere. I hoped against hope that Britney Spears could hack it, because I desperately want to see her succeed. And she sure delivered. She was more likable than ever, giving her honest opinion while clearly empathizing with the contestants, especially while rejecting them. She’s obviously a star, but what makes her unique is that she doesn’t seem to know it. She seems shy and reserved, as if she got thrown into the judging process unsure that she could actually do it. She delivered my favorite line of the night when a contestant insulted Demi Lovato, speaking up in her defense, saying, “I want to know who let you onstage. I’m uncomfortable with you even looking at me.” As for the show itself, it’s clear they got the memo. This season is noticeably stronger, with very sharp editing tactics and a palpable sense of humor. Good job, guys. And good job, Britney.

The Voice Auditions — Chilling Rendition of “No Woman, No Cry”

When I watch The Voice, I often think, “These kids don’t need coaches. You either have it or you don’t.” But Anita Antoinette’s blind audition below proved me wrong when she sang an a capella version of the same song after hearing the judge’s notes. Watch.

The Today Show Brilliantly Skips Moment of Silence for Kris Jenner

Look. I get it. When President Obama is engaging in a moment of silence for the victims of 9/11, the news should cover it. That being said, when every other network is covering it, is it really necessary for The Today Show to follow suit? In fact, I find it infuriating when every network is clogged up with the same content. How many ways do you need to learn the same information? Plus, who doesn’t want to hear about Kris Jenner’s breast implants?

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Britney Spears & Simon Cowell on Ellen — Britney Looks Great

I was worried about Britney Spears joining X Factor, especially considering that she struggled with the first few tapings. But judging from the clip below, she’s going to be just fine. It also helps that she has Simon Cowell to carry her through any awkward silences. In fact, I get the feeling he’s moderately protective of the pop tart. Did I mention Britney looks great? Watch below.

Bachelor Pad Finale: Nick Steals Rachel’s Money

In what can only be described as unpredictably masterful, the Bachelor Pad ended with Nick Peterson stealing Rachel Truehart’s money. To be fair, he didn’t really steal it, he simply voted to keep it, which means Rachel left without love or money. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, just know that this stupid show has wasted many minutes of my life, and you should join the fun by watching the clip below. I’d also like to add that a game is a game, and if you enter a game to win money, then don’t be surprised when your partner does the same.

Jessica Simpson Reveals Magical Weight Loss — Sort of

I’m confused. When Jessica Simpson says, “It’s not about the numbers,” did she mistakenly think she was talking about her shoes or something? This is a weight watchers reveal. Exactly what is it about if it’s not about losing weight? I get it. It’s hard to lose weight, and she spent the entirety of her emerging career as the hot, skinny chick, which she now has to compete with. That being said, if you’re going to get four million dollars to lose weight, then I’d suggest you lose weight.

Tabloid Gossip — Week-End-Rundown

  • Amanda Bynes was charged with two separate hit-and-runs. Wet Paint
  • John Mayer and Katy Perry rekindled their romance. ICYDK
  • Kris Humphries still believes in love. She Knows
  • Chad Johnson really wants his ex to forgive him. Starcasm
  • Shia LaBeouf is happy for ex-girlfriend Carey Mulligan. Radar Online
  • Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are getting serious. Contact Music
  • Elisha Cuthbert is engaged. Yahoo UK
  • Lisa Loeb debuted her adorable baby boy. People
  • One of the Dixie Chicks had a chicklet. E! Online
  • Ryan Lochte has a crush on Blake Lively. Celebuzz
  • LeAnn Rimes left treatment for her concert. Zap2It
  • Jared Leto & Scarlett Johansson held hands. Us Magazine
  • Usher & his ex-wife still hate each other. TMZ
  • Kanye West has been leaving Kim Kardashian clues in his songs for years. Gawker

 

 

 

Pink Rocks Out the VMAs — Wants You to Blow Her

Pink represents every cool chick in high school that I idolized from afar. If only I had the guts to shave my head like that and wear suspenders to hold up my leotard. And the most amazing thing of all? You can be cool and write catchy pop songs at the same time. Who knew? Watch below.

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Taylor Swfit Performs at the VMAS — Dresses Like High-Schooler

Perhaps my readers can explain to me the age demographic of Taylor Swift’s target audience. Because it sure looks like she’s regressing. When she was a teenager she wore a dress to sing ‘White Horse,’ and now that she’s actually an adult she’s dressing like a teenager. Did I mention this song is terrible? Watch below to see her sing ‘Never Getting Back Together.’

Get More: Taylor Swift, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Live), Music, More Music Videos