THE DISHMASTER

Derek Hough consistently reaffirms why he’s the best professional dancer on Dancing With the Stars — or perhaps anywhere. His choreography continues to astound, and his performance to Kerli’s ‘Walking on Air’ was no exception. Watch the gravity-defying masterpiece below.

When Dancing With the Stars debuted, I was certain it would be a hit. Why? Because unlike other reality competition shows of a different format, even bad dancing is fun to watch. After years of devoted fandom, I sat in the audience for last night’s results show, and the experience far exceeded my expectations. It was country night, and my southern roots (wait . . . does Florida count?) were met with extreme elation when I saw Brad Paisley and The Band Perry.

The most moving moment of the night came from Brilynn Rakes & Derek Hough, who executed a beautiful and elegant dance as part of AT&T’s spotlight performance (see below).

The evening ended with a farewell to Lisa Vanderpump, who was my personal favorite for her personality alone. And speaking of personality, I was fortunate enough to get a first-hand look at Vanderpump’s furry friend, Jiggy, who is a surprisingly well-behaved dog, making not a peep despite the ballroom’s raucous applause.

If there’s anything I know about the entertainment industry, it’s that executives are not kind about letting you out of your contract to do “other work,” especially when it might hurt their ratings. While I know nothing about Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s contract, rumor has it he’s tied up until 2015, which means his option for this season was not exercised. My guess is he’s a pain in the ass and ABC has had it. My theory is especially curious, considering many of the well-known professional dancers are not returning. That being said, Maksim was one of my favorites, and I’m sad to see him go. Here’s hoping he returns someday.

I was invited to the Dancing With the Stars After Party by AT&T (the show’s sponsor), and though the very beautiful Joanna Krupa was stranded in New York for Hurricane Sandy related reasons, it was still quite enjoyable. The show is an online pit stop for post-dance chatter and it’s a fun group gathering. Though I was about to post a video from that evening, I stumbled across a previous performance by Lacey Schwimmer that I had to post. Who knew she had singing aspirations? Watch her sing with the It Boys, and click HERE to see more videos from the After Party.

The great part about Carrie Ann Inaba’s wipe-out on Dancing With the Stars was the very hot Gilles Marini rushing over to rescue her, followed by Bruno Tonioli’s hilarious “me too” mock-fall in hopes that Gilles would also come to his rescue. And let’s not forget the very memorable one-liner from Tom Bergeron (A.K.A. the improvisational God). Watch below.

‘Dancing With the Stars’ announced some of its all-star lineup, and many of the biggest-hitters in the history of the show are noticeably absent. Where is Mario Lopez, Joey Fatone, Nicole Scherzinger, and Sabrina Bryan? I realize that a lot of these people have become too famous to return, but it’s still disappointing. Here’s the current lineup: Helio Castroneves; Shawn Johnson; Bristol Palin; Pamela Anderson; Emmitt Smith; Joey Fatone; Drew Lachey; Gilles Marini; Kelly Monaco; and Apolo Anton Ohno. To be fair, Sabrina Bryan is in the running for the public’s wild-card vote, which also  includes: Carson Kressley; Kyle Massey; and Hines Ward. And couldn’t they find a way to make Brooke Burke host and compete at the same time!? How dare she?! At least we’ll get the return of awkward run-ins between Pamela Anderson and ex-boyfriend David Charvet (also Brooke Burke’s husband).

I almost forgot that David Charvet dated Pamela Anderson in their ‘Baywatch days. They were together for two years, and they broke up shortly after Anderson joined ‘Baywatch,’ mostly because working together and living together put an excessive strain on their relationship. When Anderson appeared on ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ it didn’t occur to me that it could be uncomfortable for Burke, who is now married to Charvet. In the clip below, Wendy Williams got straight to the point, asking Burke how she felt about the constant on-air run-ins. Burke stayed classy and said it didn’t bother her, and Charvet stayed honest and said it was definitely awkward. Watch below.

The greatest thing about ABC’s decision to use all-stars for next season of Dancing With the Stars is the idea of celebrities returning to their ex boyfriends and girlfriends for the competition. Though it’s a long shot, perhaps Mario Lopez will be paired with Karina Smirnoff, Sabrina Bryan will reunite with Mark Ballas, Derek Hough will reconnect with Shannon Elizabeth, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy can pair up with Willa Ford or Erin Andrews. This is going to be good.

The Dishmaster has a Monday night ritual of drooling over Maksim Chmerkovskiy on Dancing With the Stars. He’s just so damn beautiful. And last night was a special treat, because the man wore glasses. I sure do love a hot nerd. Watch below.

The Argentine Tango has always been my favorite dance on Dancing With the Stars, and Cheryl Burke is one of my favorite professional dancers who doesn’t get the credit she deserves. She gets the best out of her partners, and her choreography is complicated without being over-the-top. And it doesn’t hurt that William Levy is not only talented, but he’s easy on the eyes. They easily stole the night with the Argentine Tango. Watch below.