Author: The Dishmaster

Quote of the Day — Vicki Reveals Donn’s Affair — The World Reacts

“I can absolutely believe that Donn cheated on Vicki for 20 years. What I cannot believe is that I sat through six seasons of Vicki whining about her empty love tank and complaining nonstop about her marriage like she didn’t know what on earth the problem could be when she knew. The. Whole. Time. How could she do this to me? How could Bravo do this to me?!?!” Stephanie Region’s (The Baltimore Sun) very hilarious recount of the biggest revelation in Real Housewives reunion history.

Green Day Debuts ‘Oh Love’ — I Love It!

To make it in the music industry during these destitute economic times, you not only have to be talented, you also have to be a marketing genius. And Green Day got the memo. They likely could have hung it up after ‘American Idiot’s’ Broadway success, but they didn’t. They keep producing great content, and ‘Oh Love!’ is no exception. It’s their first single in their three part album series, titled, ¡Uno! ¡Dos! ¡Tré! Listen below.

Ralph Lauren Apologizes for Olympic Uniforms “Made in China” — Sort of

Another day, another celebrity apology. In response to the insane amount of criticism over the United States’ Olympic uniforms not actually being made in the United States, Ralph Lauren issued an official statement, saying:

“For more than 45 years Ralph Lauren has built a brand that embodies the best of American quality and design rooted in the rich heritage of our country. We are honored to continue our longstanding relationship with the United States Olympic Committee in the 2014 Olympic Games by serving as an Official Outfitter of the US Olympic and Paralympic teams. Ralph Lauren promises to lead the conversation within our industry and our government addressing the issue of increasing manufacturing in the United States and has committed to producing the Opening and Closing ceremony Team USA uniforms in the United States that will be worn for the 2014 Olympic Games.”

Translation? We like to keep our price point low to make a larger profit, but because we got in trouble we’ll make an exception . . . this time around.

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad is Pregnant — Why Don’t Men Wear Condoms?

I’ve never understood a man’s desire to forgo the condom. I fundamentally reject the idea of putting my entire future in the hands of another person’s responsibility. There’s also that very obvious other reason, which is a major source of concern (pun intended — and not easy to ascertain). But congratulations to Lindsay Lohan, who will soon be a big sister for a fourth time.

The Bachelorette Men Tell All — Kalon’s Still a Douche — Or is He?

Once upon a time, after dating a guy for a few weeks, he invited me to his apartment. To avoid future awkwardness, I said, “Sure I’ll go. But just so we’re on the same page, I’m not having sex with you.” “Well forget it then,” he said. “I’m not interested in an old-fashioned courtship before I get laid.” So what’s the point of disclosing such personal Dishmaster details? In short, it’s to pose a question about whether Kalon is actually a douchebag for using the word “baggage” to define Emily Maynard’s daughter. Though he and my former date might need to revamp their verbal approach if they ever want a wife, there’s something admirable about brutal honestly.

Update: I forgot to mention Emily Maynard’s sassy response to Kalon’s comments. After Kalon apologized, Emily said, “You, my dear, should be a politician, because that’s the biggest load of **** I’ve ever heard,” followed by exposing his recent tweet, which repeated his original baggage comment. If only she showed this much personality on the actual show.

Kate Upton Responds to Fat Controversy — Won’t Starve Herself

Everyone knows The Dishmaster loves curvy women, and everyone also knows that fashionistas don’t eat. So I predictably loved her response to a gossip website’s (whose name I’m deliberately omitting) ridiculous suggestion that she lose thirty pounds. And to celebrate Kate’s very sexy body, I’ve posted a video of her with famed photographer Terry Richardson. You’ll see why when you watch below.

Langhorne Slim & The Law Interview — ‘The Way We Move’

Photo by Todd Roeth

It’s my secret agenda in every interview to befriend my subject. And Langhorne Slim certainly made the list. His real name is Sean Scolnick, and he might be the most normal, down-to-earth guy I’ve ever interviewed. In doing my research for his new record, The Way We Move, I realized that we have a lot in common, which is a data-point that will surely help in our future friendship. We’re both Jewish, and we both exited five-year relationships that were subject to long distances apart. Because I’m egocentric, I made sure to ask about these commonalities, along with questions about his joyful, dance-worthy style of music that I’ve fallen in love with. Read below.

Do you refer to yourself as Langhorne, or do your friends call you Sean?

It’s different. Some call me Sean, some call me Langhorne, some call me Seany Boy, some call me Slim. I’ve got lots of names. It just depends on who’s talking to me.

Is it true you wrote this album while mourning a breakup?

I wrote a few of the songs after my wonderful ex and I broke up, but a lot of the songs were [previously] written. [When] we went into the studio to record the record, we had already broken up.

Is it difficult to record in such an emotional place?

It was a difficult period, but it was amazing to have that kind of release, and to feel it in such a raw, immediate way. Instead of leaping off a cliff, I had this creative outlet.

I assume “Someday” is directly about the breakup, right?

The funny thing is . . . we were still together. Maybe you’re breaking-up before you realize it.

Do you ever get a call from an ex who is combing through your songs and wants to know if it’s about her?

They know that it is. I’m a man that hasn’t been with very many women. The last fifteen years of my life I’ve been in relationships. My ex knows exactly what songs are about her, because she heard me writing them.

Is it hard to sing songs that remind you of the time when you wrote them?

When I listen to [this record], it takes me very much back to that time and place, and I think that it always will. But it’s freeing. Even if you’re singing about pain, it’s a blessing to be able to create something that gets me through it. I don’t feel the heartbreak, I feel the release.

You raised the money for this album through PledgeMusic, which requires you to fulfill some very random promises to fans you’ve never met. I know you’re Jewish, and if I told my over-protective Jewish mother about the promises I’d have to fulfill, she’d kill me. Was your mother concerned?

I’m ten years into [my career], and my mother embraces it. [But] I remember the first time we ever got booked in Europe, she said, “Okay, wait a second. You’re going to Italy to play for some random people? How do you know they’re not going to kill you?” [laughs]. Now [my family] gets it. They knew I wasn’t cut out for a conventional job. Thankfully, they supported [me]. [They’re] still neurotic though.

You’ve toured with some heavy-hitters. Before you go on tour, do you think about whether you’ll get along on a personal level?

At this point it’s a little different. We’re in a position of picking who we tour with. [But] when we were going out with other bands, it wasn’t random. It already comes with a bit of a connection. There’s already a respect.

What about in your own band? Is it tough to be in close quarters for an extended period of time?

You learn each other’s eccentricities. It’s very much like a romantic relationship, but the romance is creative and musical.

How do you sustain a romantic relationship when you tour for 8 months out of the year?

I don’t know. People have told me it’s not feasible. But I did it the entire time I was a touring musician. It’s difficult to connect on a day-to-day basis, but I believe in it still. I’m a big, sappy believer in love. I feel like it’s just as difficult in different ways to have a 9to5 job and come home to each other every day. It’s a different set of challenges.

Do you have a favorite song on your new record?

The song that’s really meaningful to me is “A Song for Sid.” I wrote it for my grandfather. I’m very happy with it. You were asking if I’m brought back to the heartbreak or pain of a song that I wrote, and I am brought back [with that song], but in a beautiful way. It’s a tribute to him that he would probably feel proud of me for writing.

Watch below to see the video for Langhorne Slim & The Law’s single, “The Way We Move.” And thanks to Sean for proving that you can be talented and normal at the same time.

Tabloid Gossip — Weekend Rundown

  • Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul is engaged. People
  • Kelly Osbourne kicked Kris Humphries out of her club because of her Kim Kardashian loyalty. NYP
  • Melrose Place’s Grant Show is engaged. E! Online
  • 23 year old Spy Kids star, Alexa Vega, filed for divorce after 650 days of marriage. Perez Hilton
  • Were Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler fired from American Idol? Radar Online
  • Is Anne Hathaway pregnant? PopCrunch

‘Step Up Revolution’ — Behind the Scenes

I received the video below in my inbox, and my love for the Step Up franchise meant I had to post it. The newest installment, ‘Step Up Revolution,’ takes place in Miami, and according to my press release, here’s what it’s about: “Emily (Kathryn McCormick) arrives in Miami with aspirations of becoming a professional dancer and soon falls in love with Sean (Ryan Guzman), a young man who leads a dance crew in elaborate, cutting-edge flash mobs, called “The Mob.” When a wealthy business man threatens to develop The Mob’s historic neighborhood and displace thousands of people, Emily must band together with Sean and The Mob to turn their performance art into protest art, and risk losing their dreams to fight for a greater cause.” If that plot doesn’t strike your fancy, it doesn’t really matter — the story is always secondary to the dancing anyhow. Watch below.