I really want to believe that Artie Lange is sober. But I remember his days on Howard Stern when he consistently insisted he was sober, and he wasn’t. Unfortunately, we know how that sad story ended. So when I saw him on Conan O’Brien to promote his new radio show, I thought: “Please look good. Please convince me you’re okay.” Sadly, he looks awful. He told Conan that his heroine days are behind him, and he even joked about his addiction. I know that he’s a comedian, and I know that comedians make fun of their own lives. But his riff sounds all too familiar to the same bit he threw to Howard Stern. I have no idea whether he’s still using. I can only hope he has his act together. As for Howard Stern, Stern won’t allow him back on the show to tell his story because, according to Stern, he doesn’t “feel strong enough within [himself] or that [he’d] be doing the right thing by him, because [he doesn’t] want to do the wrong thing for Artie. [He] just want[s] Artie to stay alive.”
Category: General
Dancing With the Stars Season 14 Cast Revealed — Maksim Returns!
ABC revealed the new cast for Dancing With the Stars, and it’s already clear this will be a great season. First, despite all of the controversy he caused last year, Maksim Chmerkovskiy will return to the show. That’s good news considering he’s pretty much the only reason I watch. Second, there are some good stars this year, including Jaleel White (better known as “Steve Urkel”). Since I’ve been complaining that Dancing With the Stars has become a career launcher rather than a career salvager, that is also good news. And who doesn’t want to see the legendary Gladys Knight every week? To see the rest of the cast, click here.
Quote of the Day — Angelina Jolie’s Right Leg Get’s a Twitter Account
Gotye Debuts “Easy Way Out” Video — Excellence Again
Gotye might not be a one-hit-wonder, after all. Though “Somebody I Used to Know” is impossible to beat, his new video for “Easy Way Out” certainly gives it a healthy fight. It’s a pretty literal interpretation of wasting one’s life away with repetition. In fact, it slightly depressed me. Watch below.
Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow Present Oscar — Very Funny
Robert Downey Jr. was another one of my favorite Oscar presenters. To be fair, I’m in love with him, so I’m slightly biased. In fact, I’m convinced that in another life — we’d live happily ever after. After all, he likes annoying, Jewish women (see Sarah Jessica Parker). Did I mention that Gwyneth Paltrow deserves the Best Dressed award? Watch the video below.
Sandra Bullock Speaks German Mandarin at the Oscars — Who Knew?
Howard Stern recently met Sandra Bullock at Jimmy Kimmel’s party in Los Angeles, and he quoted Paul McCartney, saying, Jesse James “took [his] lucky break and broke it in two.” He said that because of how much he loved Bullock and how undeserving and lucky Jesse James was to have landed her in the first place, let alone letting her go. I’m posting her very funny Oscar bit below to prove Stern’s point. She sure is beautiful and funny. In fact, I’d like to marry her. I wonder if she’s willing.
Chris Rock Presents Best Animated Film — Funniest Presenter of the Night
Comedians often lose their edge when they become famous. They can no longer relate to the masses, and their comedy suffers as a result. But not Chris Rock. He’s just as relatable as ever, and he proved it while presenting at the 2012 Oscars. Watch below to see him poke fun at the category he presented.
Jim Rash Mocks Angelina Jolie’s Leg During Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar Acceptance Speech
The verdict is in, and Jim Rash had the best joke at the Oscars. While accepting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for his work on The Descendants, Rash imitated Angelina Jolie’s moderately ridiculous pose by over-extending his own leg. Seriously though — even Jennifer Lopez’s green Versace dress didn’t draw this much attention — and it’s not because Jolie’s dress was risqué. It’s because it looked as though Jolie deliberately stuck her leg out of the dress for shock value. It didn’t work. Watch the video below.
Woody Allen Wins Best Original Screenplay Oscar — Where Was He?
For a guy with over twenty Oscar nominations, you’d think Woody Allen would make a point to show up to the ceremony more than once in his life. So what gives? Where in the world is Woody Allen, and why can’t he throw on a tux for the night? For years, rumors circulated that Allen skipped the Oscars because he plays clarinet with his New York jazz band every Monday, and he refuses to miss a gig. But after doing further research, it appears that Allen is just anti-awards shows, saying, “The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don’t.” So there’s the answer — like it or not. Watch below to see the only time Woody Allen showed up — and it was to celebrate New York — not himself.
Sacha Baron Cohen Pours Kim Jong Il’s Ashes on Ryan Seacrest
Though I seem to be the only person on the planet that doesn’t understand the humor behind Sacha Baron Cohen’s characters, I must confess that his red carpet prank made me laugh. He showed up to the Oscars in full “Dictator” character, and then poured an urn full of ashes over Ryan Seacrest’s head, saying, “When someone asks you what you are wearing, tell them Kim Jong Il.” I have to give Oscar producer Brian Grazer a lot of credit for giving “The Dictator” a ticket to the ceremony. After all, all these red carpet clowns are playing some kind of character, his is just the funniest. Watch below.