Either Wendy Williams is psychic, or she knows what everyone else in America knows: reality television will ruin your life. In an interview from last year, Williams scolded Porsha Stewart for her choice to appear on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, calling it the “stupidest thing ever,” and saying “by the end of the show your marriage will be torn apart.” Porsha’s husband, Kordell Stewart, filed for divorce a few days ago. I’m sure Williams wasn’t pleased to be right. Click the link below to see the vintage interview.
Matt Lauer v. Ann Curry v. NBC — Analysis of a Stink Train
When one outlet advocates an opinion, the others run with it, and it’s soon too late to undo the damage. Such is the case with Matt Lauer’s Today Show downfall, and the constant assertions that he’s to blame for the ratings decline. So is he to blame? And will he recover?
While I’ve certainly taken my fair share of digs at Lauer for his aggressive interview style, the only people to blame for the ratings decline are Ann Curry and NBC. And before I get the backlash for bashing America’s sweetheart, allow me to explain. First, she never should have been promoted to that post in the first place. She was historically passed-over for that position for more appropriate hosts (see Meredith Vieria), and someone with a soft-spot felt it fair gift her with the role she’d been patiently eyeing. When she got it, it was immediately clear that she didn’t fit. She lacked the laid-back energy necessary for the show’s family-style morning atmosphere. Though she was perfect for hard news, the soft-stuff was an obvious struggle.
I don’t have inside sources at NBC, so I can’t confirm whether Lauer pointed out what was already clear to anyone watching — Curry didn’t fit, and she had to go. His nice-guy status began to tank when other news outlets did in fact blame him, and he was immediately painted as the bully who swiped the sweet-girl’s dream. My uneducated guess is that Curry and some inside-folks with an agenda leaked the stories. And Curry got public revenge when she openly weeped on the air, in what I can only describe as unprofessional. All I’ve ever left behind at a job is a thank you note and a smile, and while those jobs were not public, I certainly didn’t walk around the office complaining and crying about how I wish I could have “carried the ball.”
The subsequent fallout seems to be irreparable, and the only suggestion I’ve got is to commission Barbara Walters for a sit-down with Lauer and get the folks at NBC to give Ann Curry what she wants so she can stop leaking unflattering stories to the press about how NBC banned her from wishing cancer-stricken Robin Roberts well on twitter (Note: I don’t KNOW she leaked that, but again — it’s just an educated guess). Clean up your mess, guys. I’m sick of this garbage.
Quote of the Day — Jon Hamm & His Gigantic Penis
“I mean, it’s not like I’m a f—ing lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my c–k, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal [of fame].” Jon Hamm, on the blogosphere erupting over his entrance into the ‘large members only’ club.
Quote of the Day — Same Sex Marriage & Hollingsworth v. Perry
“Well, suppose a State said, Mr. Cooper, suppose a State said that, Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55. Would that be constitutional?” Justice Kagan, of The United States Supreme Court, Hollingsworth v. Perry.
The Kardashians Kill An Alligator — Kill Their Show Instead
All bad things must come to an end eventually, right? Even Jersey Shore had a shelf-life. So what about these Kardashian kon-artists? Though I originally felt apathetic about their ascent to fame, I now feel outraged. In a small-minded bid for ratings, the series villain, Scott Disick, killed an innocent alligator for sport. Why? Because it’s Miami of course, and alligators are all-the-rage.
The only way to pull this show is to stop watching it. And I’ve made that my movement. That being said, I’ve attached the disturbing clip below, so as to appeal to my readers to join in my outrage. These douchebags are done — start counting the clock.
FOX’S The Following — A FULL REVIEW
If the premise of your show is to hire an expert to capture the villain (see Kevin Bacon), then wouldn’t it stand to reason that the expert has some level of expertise? After eight episodes of Fox’s show, The Following, I have yet to see any star detective work. In fact, this psychopathic serial killer is so stellar, the FBI hasn’t squashed a single one of his plans. They’re always several minutes too late and 5 bodies behind.
My patience has a shelf-life, so perhaps FOX can commission CBS’s ‘Elementary’ writers about how to execute some level of inside-knowledge so as to prop-up the protagonist. What is the purpose of Kevin Bacon’s character other than to serve as bait for the serial killer who clearly enjoys the chase? In fact, perhaps if he was entirely out of the picture, the killer would just get bored and retire.
I’ve officially decided to retire from the show. I have no interest in watching endless episodes about how our government can’t get it together, with a protagonist that’s on the last legs of his pacemaker and can’t get one step ahead to save his life.
There’s a lesson to be learned here, so I’d like the writer’s room to listen up. Here goes: Light and shade, my friends. The darkness gets dreary after awhile.
Ford Ad Pulled — Is the Paris Hilton/Kardashian Cartoon Offensive?
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Some approval processes go awry, and Ford learned that the hard way when their outside Ad agency published their unapproved work-product on the internet, which has subsequently created online outrage and lead to a profuse apology on behalf of the car company. So now that I’ve got that summary out of the way — allow me to have a laugh at what can only be called brilliant. Humor isn’t always appropriate, but it can be on-trend. And since everyone assumes Paris Hilton hates Kim Kardashian for basically hijacking her entire brand, it’s only fitting that she’d fantasize about taking them out for a joy-ride in her trunk. Seriously though — violence is never funny. Never.
The Kardashian Ratings Tank — Is the Brand Damaged?
For years I’ve defended the Kardashians. Sure they don’t have discernible entertainment-related talent, given that they don’t sing, dance, act, host, or do stand-up comedy. But they’ve managed to market themselves to mainstream media on the heels of one pornographic sex tape, which has since been parlayed into clothing stores, fashion lines, fragrances, and a well-paid television show. And that takes talent. In fact, I’d argue that the OJ Simpson trial, coupled with Bruce Jenner’s already existing media-name, is where it all began. With all the effort that went into building their empire, you’d think that the Kardashian Klan would be a little more careful about the brand that made them famous. Unfortunately, their actions as of late suggest otherwise, and their recent ratings-dip prove my point.
Kim Kardashian, arguably the most notorious sibling, has insisted that she’d like to step away from her sex-tape image, yet she continues to publish sexed-up photos on nearly every social media site (see duck face). And though I was willing to let that slide, my disdain boiled over when the sister’s smelled each other’s private parts on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami.’ When I saw the episode, I was most disappointed in E!, a network with desensitized executives who neglected to pull the plug on a bit that wouldn’t even pass Howard Stern’s smell test. And let’s not forget Kim’s vampire facial, which warrants a lot of words — but I’ll remove my profane-laced tirade and merely call it classless. As for the 72-day marriage, I won’t kick the girl while she’s down, but she made the choice to air every facet of her private life on national television, including walking around town in history’s most gaudy engagement ring, which made me fear for her life.
Kim’s pregnancy was a perfect opportunity to transition the Kardashian brand into something more mature, because all sex-pots have a shelf-life, and she’s approaching her expiration date. Instead, she’s struggling with maternity fashion, and insisting on wearing heels despite her ever-growing bump. I understand she wants to look good, but when you have your own fashion line — it’s best to be on-trend, and baby-bumps don’t go with heels. To be fair, I’ve heard through the Hollywood grape-vine that Kim Kardashian is incredibly kind and professional, and everyone loves to work with her. And in the land of The Dishmaster, that goes a long way. That being said, I will hold you accountable for your poor choices, and they’ve made some.
Tabloid Gossip Rundown — The Weekend Edition
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- Alexis Bledel & Vincent Kartheiser are mad for marriage. US Magazine
- Katy Perry & John Mayer called-off their romance. Starpulse
- Carly Rae Jepsen has a new romantic cohort. Rumor Fix
- Seth MacFarlane has taken the single throne again. Wet Paint
- LeAnn Rimes has a short-lived fashion-sense. Radar Online
- Britney Spears looks crazy in love. Too Fab
- The Kardashians aren’t keeping up with the ratings game. Reality Tea
- Dennis Quaid & his wife squashed their divorce . . . again. TV Guide
- The Bachelor’s Sean Lowe is a dancing diva. TMZ
- What’s the skinny of Bethenny Frankel’s burgeoning romance? E! Online
- Jay Leno jabbed his NBC bosses. MSN
- Kate Bosworth revealed some details about her big day. Just Jared
- Ashton Kutcher is keeping Mila Kunis on the DL because of Demi. GossipCop
- Ryan Seacrest confirmed his Julianne Hough breakup. Contact Music
- Bradley Cooper is robbing the cradle. NYDN