After the Final Rose — Chris Harrison Hits All Time Low

JUAN PABLOIt has always been rumored that if The Bachelors do not cooperate with ABC during their reign, ABC will make it their mission to soil their star. In fact, Jason Mesnick confirmed this in his most recent podcast, in which he admitted to a pressured proposal, along with series creator “Mike Fleiss standing over him waving a check in his face in exchange for such cooperation.” For the first time in history, ABC failed to manipulate its star, whose on-air beating exceeded even my worst expectations.

While I’ve always known that Chris Harrison’s personal paycheck likely justifies his cooperation on this crazy train, I had no idea the lengths he’d go to retaliate. If you missed ABC’s ‘After the Final Rose’ special, Juan Pablo Galavis picked Nikki Ferrell over Clare Crawley, and their post-show interview entailed pummeling questions from Harrison about whether Juan Pablo was in love with Nikki. Though Nikki admitted her love, Juan Pablo did not, and Harrison refused to relent, even declaring Juan Pablo’s love for him. To take it one step further, Harrison said, “I don’t know what I’m looking at,” implying that if their relationship status didn’t involve love, then it was far beyond Harrison’s comprehension. As an aside, Harrison is now single. I’m curious whether he declares love after four months of dating, and I’m even more curious how he’d handle getting sandbagged by a show determined to execute his downfall. As for the mysteriously rude comment Juan Pablo made to Clare, since none of us know it’s content, we can’t judge. Furthermore, it’s curious that Clare was ready to wed this man, and her hindsight judgment is only unfavorable upon rejection. Gee . . . that’s the first time I’ve seen that happen.

I know that Juan Pablo Galavis is a flawed star with issues of his own. I also know he got an unfavorable edit, and that Chris Harrison’s behavior on After the Final Rose was wildly inappropriate. The real lunacy of this show has always been it’s fast-track to love and inauthentic on-air proposals. After years of watching such unnatural courtships, we finally find the guy that simply wants to date the chick he chose. It seems the only person that doesn’t understand what that looks like is Chris Harrison.

Andi Dorfman Dumps Juan Pablo — Rudest Bachelorette Ever

Despite popular belief, there is a classy way to dump someone, and listing your suitor’s flaws isn’t one of them. The Bachelor’s Juan Pablo certainly has some issues, but Andi Dorfman’s are far superior. In case you missed last night’s episode, Dorfman told Juan Pablo that she felt certain he was not “the one” after their fantasy suite and then curtly reviewed everything he did wrong, along with pointing out that he should eliminate “it’s okay,” from his vocabulary because, “It’s annoying.” It’s clear Juan Pablo cannot give Andi Dorfman what she needs in a relationship, but that’s more about incompatibility than fault. Dorfman is a successful, Jewish lawyer and Juan Pablo is a Venezuelan, Catholic, retired soccer player. If she thought this would work this long in the process, she needs a little more self-awareness. Relationships tend to thrive when people actually have things in common. And that’s no one’s fault.

Brad Womack is the Next Bachelor — GENIUS!

Just when I got comfortable thinking that Hollywood executives have pea-sized brains, they surprise me.  Reality Steve is reporting that my favorite Bachelor in history, Brad Womack, is returning to the franchise, after not finding love the first time around.  The original time he appeared on the show, he rejected both Deanna Pappas (on the right) and Jennie Croft, in the end.  He received a ton of shit for doing so, and I defended his decision, thinking the man was either a homosexual, or a realist.  Instead of picking someone to appease ABC, he stood firm, and told both women that if he wasn’t in love with either, it wouldn’t be fair to choose one, with an unrealistic hope that he would fall in love eventually.  I suppose he figured that if a helicopter over the ocean wouldn’t make him fall in love, nothing would. This news is especially surprising considering Chris Lambton was the front-runner.  Personally, I thought Chris was a terrible idea — given that his mother died so recently, and he had trouble keeping it together.  So good job, ABC.