Author: The Dishmaster

Kardashian’s Smell Each Others’ Privates — Incest is Best?

The line between reality television and television-trash has been crossed before by the Kardashian Klan, but it’s now been breached beyond return. In fact, I believe that the most recent boundary violation borders on incest. Yeah, you heard me.

In the lowest bid for ratings yet, the Kardashian sisters argue about who has the best-smelling vagina, and each rub a napkin on their lady-parts for Khloe to judge.

This is not my first time being disturbed by their antics, with the sisters constantly touching each other in disturbing ways, but this should have been banned by E!. Watch below. Need I say I’ve had it?


Heidi Klum’s Bodacious Burger Commercial — Brand Damage?

Not to piss on her burger party, but I’m convinced Heidi Klum is getting bad career advice. Though I support women looking sexy at all ages, this brand has a shelf life, and she’s pushing it past its prime. She needs to start her transition into a more sustainable public image, or she’ll be left by the wayside while younger, hotter chicks take her throne. Sure Jennifer Lopez has managed to pull it off, but Lopez has mastered the art of light and shade, and her brand extends beyond her hot-chick status. Perhaps I’m wrong. After all, The Dishmaster doesn’t know everything. Wait . . . who am I kidding/ I’m never wrong!

Watch the behind-the-scenes footage of her video below.

Madonna’s a Boy Scout at the GLAAD Media Awards

You can call Madonna a lot of things, but you can’t call her unoriginal. She pioneered the provocative on-stage antics that’s prevalent with today’s pop-stars, and without her, there’d be no cone bra. And in case you thought she’d retired from making waves, watch the video below to see her in a Boy Scout uniform while introducing Anderson Cooper at the 24th Annual GLAAD Media Awards.

Tabloid Rundown — Weekend Edition

 

 

  • Clooney & Kiebler are still connected. TMZ
  • Anna Kendrick & her director-man are dunzo. Glamour
  • Shayne Lamas is having a marital meltdown. RumorFix
  • Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are having lots of post-coital happiness. Stuff
  • Is Emma Stone concerned her Spider-man is cheating? Disney Dreaming
  • Demi Moore blames her Ashton breakup on a baby. ICYDK
  • Adrienne Maloof got canned from Cougarville. E! Online
  • Liam Hemsworth & Miley Cyrus on the outs? New York Post
  • Julianne Hough gave Ryan Seacrest the heave-ho. PopBytes
  • Britney Spears has a new beau. NYDN
  • Justin Bieber’s bloated ego took aim at Lindsay Lohan. MTV
  • Are Jason Sudeikis & Olivia Wilde swingers? TMZ
  • Jesse James invited Sandra Bullock to his wedding. Contact Music
  • Lil’ Wayne overdosed on sizzurp? Hollywood Life
  • Adam Brody & Leighton Meester are making their romance work. Rumor Fix
  • Another couple from The Bachelor franchise had a baby. Reality TV World

 

Miss America Embraces Her Curves — “I’m Human”

While I certainly support the idea of representing “real women,” when your platform for getting famous represents the exact opposite, I have a problem. If you’re going to strut around the stage with a six pack and a two-piece, then please refrain from bold declarations about being true to every woman in America. And speaking of America, the platform for this pageant is largely based on looks. When you win and then drastically change those looks in a two-month span, the hypocrisy is worthy of criticism

Billy Joel Performs With Random Vandy Student — “New York State of Mind”

Billy Joel solidified his cool-guy status during a Q & A at Vanderbilt University when he kindly consented to a student’s random request to perform “New York State of Mind” with the singer. The student, Michael Pollack, knew his plan prior to arriving, and could barely garner the guts to ask. Clearly shaken, he quickly composed himself and killed it on stage. Watch below.

Nicki Minaj Late for Idol — Traffic Scam?

We’ve all been late for work, but I’d like to think that if I was getting paid millions to appear on live television, I might make a point to be punctual. And furthermore, wasn’t it Nicki Minaj who called Mariah Carey “her highness?” This is so wildly inappropriate, I’d like her booted for breach. If she can’t perform her duties, then she deserves to be fired.

Kirstin Cavallari on The Hills — Birken Bribes For Drug Lies

While I certainly understand the outrage associated with MTV’s bid to propel their Kristin-is-on-drugs story-line, perhaps the subject in question should take a little more responsibility for participating in the network’s faux-reality. She consistently lied on camera (which she now admits), and she merely objects when the lie is directed at her. You can’t pick and choose the sale of your soul, Kristin. It doesn’t work that way.

Girls Episode 9 Recap — A New Dimension on Lena Dunham’s Disgusting Nudity

girls-hbo-1Lena Dunham confuses me. What’s her goal? What’s she trying to prove? Why the insatiable urge to show her body in all the most unflattering possible angles? Why gross-out the audience with intolerable habits, such as revealing her bloody Q-tip, or scurrying across the floor with gratuitous crotch shots? Is she testing me? Is she hazing her audience to prove their loyalty?

If the last guess is accurate, allow me to confess I’m at the end of my rope. I’ll hang on a bit longer, but aesthetic is everything, and the longer you torture me with disgusting tactics, the sooner you’ll loose one of your most loyal viewers. And furthermore, if Lena Dunham gets wind of this, allow me to suggest that she’s actually making it worse for over-weight chicks on television. The goal is to suggest that skinny and attractive are not mutually exclusive, so when you attempt to manipulate your already over-weight body into painful-to-see poses, you provide a setback to the original intention.

In short, I’ve had it. Changes must be made, or I’m out.

Gerard Butler on Brandi Glanville: “We Had Beach-Party Sex”

I’m glad Gerard Butler finally found the humor in his Real Housewife hookup. Though he originally denied banging Brandi Glanville, Stern wrangled his admission, with Butler boldly proclaiming he “didn’t know her last name,” as the reason for his original denial. Watch his hilarious recap of their rendezvous.