FOX’S The Following — A FULL REVIEW

20130325-105901.jpgIf the premise of your show is to hire an expert to capture the villain (see Kevin Bacon), then wouldn’t it stand to reason that the expert has some level of expertise? After eight episodes of Fox’s show, The Following, I have yet to see any star detective work. In fact, this psychopathic serial killer is so stellar, the FBI hasn’t squashed a single one of his plans. They’re always several minutes too late and 5 bodies behind.

My patience has a shelf-life, so perhaps FOX can commission CBS’s ‘Elementary’ writers about how to execute some level of inside-knowledge so as to prop-up the protagonist. What is the purpose of Kevin Bacon’s character other than to serve as bait for the serial killer who clearly enjoys the chase? In fact, perhaps if he was entirely out of the picture, the killer would just get bored and retire.

I’ve officially decided to retire from the show. I have no interest in watching endless episodes about how our government can’t get it together, with a protagonist that’s on the last legs of his pacemaker and can’t get one step ahead to save his life.

There’s a lesson to be learned here, so I’d like the writer’s room to listen up. Here goes: Light and shade, my friends. The darkness gets dreary after awhile.

Ford Ad Pulled — Is the Paris Hilton/Kardashian Cartoon Offensive?

kardashians-ford-ad-lead (1)

Some approval processes go awry, and Ford learned that the hard way when their outside Ad agency published their unapproved work-product on the internet, which has subsequently created online outrage and lead to a profuse apology on behalf of the car company. So now that I’ve got that summary out of the way — allow me to have a laugh at what can only be called brilliant. Humor isn’t always appropriate, but it can be on-trend. And since everyone assumes Paris Hilton hates Kim Kardashian for basically hijacking her entire brand, it’s only fitting that she’d fantasize about taking them out for a joy-ride in her trunk. Seriously though — violence is never funny. Never.

The Kardashian Ratings Tank — Is the Brand Damaged?

Kim and Kourtney Take MiamiFor years I’ve defended the Kardashians. Sure they don’t have discernible entertainment-related talent, given that they don’t sing, dance, act, host, or do stand-up comedy. But they’ve managed to market themselves to mainstream media on the heels of one pornographic sex tape, which has since been parlayed into clothing stores, fashion lines, fragrances, and a well-paid television show.  And that takes talent. In fact, I’d argue that the OJ Simpson trial, coupled with Bruce Jenner’s already existing media-name, is where it all began. With all the effort that went into building their empire, you’d think that the Kardashian Klan would be a little more careful about the brand that made them famous. Unfortunately, their actions as of late suggest otherwise, and their recent ratings-dip prove my point.

Kim Kardashian, arguably the most notorious sibling, has insisted that she’d like to step away from her sex-tape image, yet she continues to publish sexed-up photos on nearly every social media site (see duck face).  And though I was willing to let that slide, my disdain boiled over when the sister’s smelled each other’s private parts on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami.’ When I saw the episode, I was most disappointed in E!, a network with desensitized executives who neglected to pull the plug on a bit that wouldn’t even pass Howard Stern’s smell test. And let’s not forget Kim’s vampire facial, which warrants a lot of words — but I’ll remove my profane-laced tirade and merely call it classless. As for the 72-day marriage, I won’t kick the girl while she’s down, but she made the choice to air every facet of her private life on national television, including walking around town in history’s most gaudy engagement ring, which made me fear for her life.

Kim’s pregnancy was a perfect opportunity to transition the Kardashian brand into something more mature, because all sex-pots have a shelf-life, and she’s approaching her expiration date. Instead, she’s struggling with maternity fashion, and insisting on wearing heels despite her ever-growing bump. I understand she wants to look good, but when you have your own fashion line — it’s best to be on-trend, and baby-bumps don’t go with heels. To be fair, I’ve heard through the Hollywood grape-vine that Kim Kardashian is incredibly kind and professional, and everyone loves to work with her. And in the land of The Dishmaster, that goes a long way. That being said, I will hold you accountable for your poor choices, and they’ve made some.

Tabloid Gossip Rundown — The Weekend Edition

  • Alexis Bledel & Vincent Kartheiser are mad for marriage. US Magazine
  • Katy Perry & John Mayer called-off their romance. Starpulse
  • Carly Rae Jepsen has a new romantic cohort. Rumor Fix
  • Seth MacFarlane has taken the  single throne again. Wet Paint
  • LeAnn Rimes has a short-lived fashion-sense. Radar Online
  • Britney Spears looks crazy in love. Too Fab
  • The Kardashians aren’t keeping up with the ratings game. Reality Tea
  • Dennis Quaid & his wife squashed their divorce . . . again. TV Guide
  • The Bachelor’s Sean Lowe is a dancing diva. TMZ
  • What’s the skinny of Bethenny Frankel’s burgeoning romance? E! Online
  • Jay Leno jabbed his NBC bosses. MSN
  • Kate Bosworth revealed some details about her big day. Just Jared
  • Ashton Kutcher is keeping Mila Kunis on the DL because of Demi. GossipCop
  • Ryan Seacrest confirmed his Julianne Hough breakup. Contact Music
  • Bradley Cooper is robbing the cradle. NYDN

 

 

 

 

Selena Gomez on Letterman — “Cry Me a River, Bieber”

Sure it’s fun to take swipes at your ex, but experience tells me that if you feel the need to take a dig, then you’re still in the ditch. Selena Gomez appeared on Letterman, who set her up for a well-timed joke when Letterman informed Selena that he made Justin Bieber cry. Selena’s response? “That makes two of us.” She also gave a Cheshire Cat smile, and said, “I’m so good,” which also leads me to believe the opposite. She’s clearly not over it, and her public put-down only served to take herself down a peg. WATCH BELOW.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion — WATCH a Sneak Peek

You have to hand it to Bravo. I haven’t engaged in this much drama since high school, yet the network landed a large amount of adults who are not only willing to engage — but engage on national television. In fact, judging by the sneak peek below, this year’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion will deliver some much-anticipated mud-slinging. Though Adrienne Maloof is noticeably absent, the others have certainly sobered up for the slug-fest.

Watch below.

Michelle Williams Won’t Apologize for “Redface” Pics

Michelle WilliamsI’m constantly criticizing celebrities for their lack of creativity in photo-shoots, so I’m conscious of attacking Michelle Williams for her “redface” photo controversy in AnOther Magazine. That being said, it doesn’t quite sit right. To properly assess whether it’s offensive, I’ve asked myself how I’d feel if a non-Jewish celebrity dressed up as an Orthodox Jew for a photo-shoot. In short, I wouldn’t be happy. You don’t need intent-to-offend to be offensive. That claim applies to AnOther’s response, which is below. Sure their intent was pure and based on art, but that’s wildly irrelevant. To be fair, Williams’ PR team is mostly to blame for consenting to this idea. They are also to blame for her subsequent silence. If I were her, I’d apologize and exit this mess as quickly as possible.

“While we recognize the seriousness of this debate, the image in question in no way intends to mimic, trivialize or stereotype any particular ethnic group or culture, as recent reports suggest. [Williams is presented in a] series of eight different imaginary characters. All the characters in the story were inspired by multiple fashion and cultural references, characters and eras, as well as by our admiration of Ms. Williams as one of the most respected and talented actresses of her generation. While we dispute the suggestion that the image has a racist subtext in the strongest possible terms, we’re mortified to think that anyone would interpret it in this way.”

CNN’S Candy Crowley & Poppy Harlow Under Fire — Steubenville Sympathy?

Did CNN sympathize with rapists? That’s what the internet’s abuzz about, and you can watch the video below to judge for yourself. The general complaint surrounds Candy Crowley & Poppy Harlow’s level of sympathy for the two men convicted of raping a 16 year old girl at a party. If you followed the case, the details about what actually happened to the victim and the amount of other people involved — are astoundingly disturbing. Upon receiving the verdict, one of the teenagers openly cried in court while apologizing to the victim and her family, and the other, well let’s just say he didn’t seem contrite (to say the least). I don’t have much to say, other than that CNN stepped in a pile of dog sh*t and it’s going to be tough to clean up the mess. They should have just recited the facts. Instead, they focused entirely on the perpetrators’ sentence without even mentioning the extent of their crime. Watch below.

Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake — History of Rap 4

Jimmy FallonJustin Timberlake has single-handedly proven that artists aren’t shackled to their genre. To be fair, JLO likely started it when she went from acting to music, but it seems considerably harder to do the opposite. And adding comedy to the mix is the apocalypse of versatility. Watch below to see Timberlake perform his fourth installment of The History of Rap with Jimmy Fallon.

Allow me to take the time to also point out Fallon’s new-found niche in Late Night. The guy sure identified his brand.