When Jennifer Lopez ambushed Jessica Sanchez’s performance on American Idol, I thought, “That had to be pre-planned. Usually the judges are shown convening during the performance, and I smell a rat. Then I came across this article on TMZ, which confirmed my suspicion. The judges new earlier that day that Jessica would be voted off, and the producers pressured them to save her. The entire debacle actually undercut the live aspect of the show, and the excitement of the save. Furthermore, the quality of this season’s performers have to the worst in the history of the show. In fact, I only watch to see Jennifer Lopez’s dresses. Watch the “save” below.
Author: The Dishmaster
Dear Dixie Chicks — When’s Your Next Fu*King New Album?
As part of my job, I subscribe to the Facebook feeds of just about every band on the planet. One such band is the Dixie Chicks, who for some reason keep posting status updates despite the fact that they haven’t released new music in six years. Their last album, Taking the Long Way, was produced by the legendary Rick Rubin, and it was incredible. In memory of the band that used to make great music, I’m posting the video below.
The Lumineers on Craig Ferguson — “Ho Hey”
The Killers’ Mr. Brightside Tribute Video
There’s a very specific reason that The Killers’ song, “Mr. Brightside,” is one of my favorites in history. Every woman wants to believe that a man would like her enough to be silently tortured to see her with someone else. In honor of the imaginary man who will one day obsess about me enough to say, “I just can’t look, it’s killing me,” I’m posting their tribute video for the song below.
Hilary Rosen Apologizes to Ann Romney — Blah, Blah
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When Democratic “strategist” Hilary Rosen said that stay-at-home mother Ann Romney “never worked a day in her life,” a firestorm emerged. Predictably, she has now apologized, saying, “As a mom I know that raising children is the hardest job there is. As a pundit, I know my words on CNN last night were poorly chosen. I apologize to Ann Romney and anyone else who was offended. Let’s declare peace in this phony war and go back to focus on the substance.” First, I wasn’t aware that “pundit” is another word for asshole. Second, I love how the offender always wants to declare “peace.” I’m The Dishmaster! There’s no peace until I say so!
Larry David Describes Parking Melt-Down: “I’m a Bad Swiper”
We’ve all been stuck in a parking lot behind the asshole who can’t work the machine, but it’s not everyday that the asshole is Larry David. The Curb Your Enthusiasm star lived out a real-life episode of his HBO show, when he couldn’t figure out how to pay the $5 necessary to exit the garage. Fortunately, a very kind woman freed up the car-pile-up with some guidance. Watch him describe what happened on Conan, and watch the second video to see his melt-down occur.
The Civil Wars on Jimmy Kimmel — Awesomeness
Dave Grohl Responds to Courtney Love on Twitter: Confirms He’s a Gentleman
As expected, Dave Grohl took the high road in his endless war with Courtney Love. And by war, I mean Dave Grohl has to incessantly avoid her crazy. In response to Love’s ridiculous allegations that Grohl slept with her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, Grohl simply said, “Unfortunately Courtney is on another hateful Twitter rant. These new accusations are upsetting, offensive and absolutely untrue.” Need I point out one more time that I’m in love with Dave Grohl?
Quote of the Day — Slash on Axl Rose: “He Hates My Guts”
“He hates my guts. It’s over a lot of different stuff; I don’t even know. There’s just no communication between us. I talk to Duff McKagan [former Guns N’ Roses bass player] and Steven [Adler, former Guns N’ Roses drummer], but when it comes to old Guns N’ Roses, there really isn’t anybody that makes decisions.” Slash, on his willingness to play at the Guns N’ Roses Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction and on the reason Axl won’t appear.
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Axl Rose Rejects Guns N’ Roses Hall of Fame Induction — Massive Douchebag
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Axl Rose has the most expensive grudge in the history of America. Despite media pressure and fan pleas, he has openly rejected the idea of appearing at the Guns N’ Roses Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Here’s what he had to say:
“I respectfully decline my induction as a member of Guns N’ Roses to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorized nor may anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf. Neither former members, label representatives nor the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame should imply whether directly, indirectly or by omission that I am included in any purported induction of Guns N’ Roses.”
Here’s a translation for that ridiculous explanation: Axl Rose is a big baby. It’s absolutely astounding to me that Axl’s grudge toward his bandmates has basically cost him close to the billion dollars he stands to make on a reunion tour. Perhaps he should have a conversation with The Police or Simon and Garfunkel about burying the hatchet in the name of money. And in case you’re wondering about the history of Axl’s insanity, I’ll remind you of a very famous story for your reading pleasure. Once upon a time, Stephen Adler (the former drummer for the band) had a girlfriend named Adriana Smith. Axl wanted some sex noises on his song, “Rocket Queen,” so he invited Adler’s girlfriend to the studio and recorded himself having sex with her. Needless to say, when Adler found out — he wasn’t pleased. Listen below.