Bill O’Reilly attacked Jennifer Aniston for saying that women don’t necessarily need a man to have a baby. Is this “news” now? I wasn’t aware that Fox News became Entertainment Tonight, nor was I aware that Jennifer Aniston’s press tour for The Switch, would result in her every word being picked apart by Bill O’Reilly, who is apparently against single-parent adoption, judging by his comments. I’d surmise that he’s also against gay adoption, given that he is so “traditional,” but since I don’t take the time to regularly watch his show, that’s merely a conjecture based on my douche barometer. Maybe O’Reilly and Aniston can kiss and make-up with a loofa. (If you don’t get that reference, I’m not explaining it — it’s far too gross for details).
Author: The Dishmaster
Mia Michaels Isn’t Racist — She Has Black Friends
So You Think You Can Dance choreographer, Mia Michaels, was recently accused of racism, for what many thought was an unfair elimination of a black dancer from the show. The black dancer in question is AdéChiké Torbert, and Michaels insists that he was eliminated because he was not one of the “strongest dancers,” and he “would not have been around as long as he was [without] all the injuries [during the] season.” Michaels is taking so much heat because she also consistently insulted Brandon from Season 5, who was an incredible black, male dancer that everyone but Michaels fawned over. While I’m pretty sure that it’s not fair to accuse Michaels of racism based on a two-person case sample, I found Michaels’ defense extremely annoying. Must she wax-on about how everyone she has ever met in her life is black? Did you know she was even engaged to a black man? Seriously, just say you’re not racist, and move on. No need for ridiculous monologues about how you love black people.
Jessica Simpson Airbrushing — It’s Not Her Fault
Jessica Simpson is getting heat for her airbrushed pictures in Lucky Magazine, particularly because she spent most of the interview discussing how comfortable she is with her “fuller” body. Though I usually don’t take the time to defend Jessica Simpson, I’ve decided to change my policy on this one. Simpson has absolutely nothing to do with Lucky Magazine’s decision to airbrush her. She might suggest that they don’t, but the ultimate decision lies with the magazine, and she has no control. Plus, I doubt she’s gonna throw her weight around for a much-coveted magazine cover (no pun intended). So leave the girl alone please.
Montana Fishburne Gets Exactly What She Wants — Fame
Despite my incredible urge, I’m not going to comment on the mental capacity of Montana Fishburne, because I’m begrudgingly trying to stay positive. Instead, I’ll pick on the mental capacity of Giuliana Rancic and E!, for the ridiculous interview below. Does Giuliana hope to be an actual reporter, and she’s practicing on Montana Fishburne while she awaits her Barbara Walters promotion? If you remove all the bells and whistles (i.e. the Laurence Fishburne connection, along with the faux-serious interior decorating), you’ve just got an interview with a porn star. Hey, I’ve got nothing against porn stars, but I just hope Rancic makes this a niche for herself, because she’s clearly got a talent. Plus, who doesn’t want to hear what a porn star has to say?
Remaking Television Shows — Is There Such a Thing?
I read an article that referenced 90210’s Matt Lanter making an appearance on True Blood, and I had to look him up because I never heard his name before. I thought surely if he was on Beverly Hills 90210 I would have heard of him. Did David Silver have a best friend other than Scott (if you don’t get that reference, you should be ashamed of yourself)? Upon researching further, I realized that Matt Lanter is actually on the “remake” of Beverly Hills 90210, which is referred to as 90210 — and I became infuriated. It’s bad enough that the CW butchered my favorite television show of all-time, but now they are confusing me on top of it? Second, there is no such thing as “remaking” a television show. You might be able to “resurrect” it by bringing all the old characters back and continuing the storyline, but unlike a movie, you cannot copy an entire plot (which, in television, consists of a bazillion episodes). Yes I realize that the “concept” involved a family from a small town moving to Los Angeles, but that is literally the only similarity. How many shows have the same fish-out-of-water concept and don’t use the coveted 90210 title? It’s a cheap way to get viewers, and if you’re gonna do it, at least make it quality.
Kristin Bauer Admits She Starves Herself — I Love Her
True Blood’s Kristin Bauer admits that as long as she’s an actress, she’ll always be hungry. Finally! An actress confesses her anorexia, instead of the very annoying Jessica Biel who likes to pretend she eats burgers. If you’re gonna starve yourself, at least admit it to the rest of America that spends hours on the treadmill and can’t seem to duplicate celebrity bodies. (Alright, I don’t spend hours on the treadmill, but if I did, I imagine I still wouldn’t have an ass like Jessica Biel). She also explained that a key component to staying skinny is to avoid the craft services table. Personally, I’ve seen these disgusting craft services tables, and I think that dodging them is less about staying thin, and more about avoiding obesity. It’s as if the studio says, “Gee, let’s provide the most fattening, disgusting food, just to torture our actors.” Anyways, hats off to Kristin Bauer!
Celebrity Look-Alikes: Zac Efron and Chace Crawford
I’m often told that I’m terrible at the game of celebrity look-alikes. In fact, it’s a running joke at my office. Because I’m arbitrarily confident in this ability, I’m posting a side-by-side of Zac Efron and Chace Crawford, who I think look almost exactly alike. So please take the time to look at the image to your right, and use the comment section to affirm my talent. Should you think I am completely wrong, I encourage you to refrain from using the comment section, as it is only for the purpose of excessively complimenting me. Have I mentioned that I don’t handle criticism well?
Hugh Hefner is “After Love” — Make it Stop
Sometimes people over-live their legacy. Had Hugh Hefner died about twenty years ago, he would have been remembered as a present-day Don Juan. But he just lived too long. Now, when I read about his sex-life I can’t helped but be grossed out. There’s nothing sexy about an 84 year old man having sex with young playboy models, and as time passes, I can no longer convince myself that his powerful-man status overwhelms his age and looks. Also, his constant admissions about doesn’t help. I hate to pick on the old guy, but I wouldn’t do it if he would stop his interviews about screwing young chicks. I’m not saying the man should settle-down at 84, but I think he’s crossed that fine line between free sex and prostitution.
Was Howard Stern’s “Vacation” Really a Contract Negotiation?
There was something very suspicious about Howard Stern’s vacation last week. One week before that vacation, he was off the air for two weeks on a vacation that he announced. So does it really make sense to take those vacations so close together? Even for Stern, who is an avid vacationer, it seems fishy. Plus, this one was not announced. My theory? Stern took the full-week off to renegotiate his contract. Adding to my speculation is Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin’s recent conference call with investors, where he said that he expects an announcement about Howard Stern’s status with Sirius prior to September. Though I initially thought Stern would leave, I now think he’ll stay. He’s too much of an ego-maniac to leave the air altogether, and I can’t see him returning to the much-regulated “terrestrial” radio. Also (and this is a cheesy stretch), I would like to think that he wouldn’t abandon his staff during this economic crisis — because he has a heart.