Author: The Dishmaster

The Dish – Tabloid Review

Jesse James completed sex rehab, and was spotted without his wedding ring.  After reading this story, it occurred to me that my parents haven’t worn wedding rings for twenty years.  Since the absence of wedding rings is such big news in the tabloids, I called them to ask why.  They both said the same thing: “I find it annoying.”  Well, there you have it.

Brooke Mueller allegedly left Charlie Sheen and moved out of the house, amidst reports that he cheated on her with Angelina Tracy.  Luckily the kids can’t read yet.  If you find yourself cheating on everyone you’ve been with, maybe you should just be single.  It’s much less of a headache and you can still pay for hookers.

Jenna Jameson’s boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, was arrested for domestic violence.  Jameson told TMZ that even though the incident “wasn’t minor,” she hopes to work things out.  This is a pretty scary story.  Tito Ortiz is an ultimate fighter, so I imagine she was terrified.  This is why I only date men that I can take down if need be.  Hear that honey?

Larry King and Shawn King are possibly working things out.  Good for them.  

Donald Trump has an explanation for Brett Michaels’ tragic brain hemorrhage.  He thinks it has something to do with the head injury that Michaels sustained while performing at the 2009 Tonys.  Is Donald Trump a doctor now?  

Kate Gosselin’s children received the work permits necessary for them to appear on ‘Kate Plus 8.’  Shouldn’t she be paying Jon Gosselin alimony? 

Director of ‘The Other Side’ says Lindsay Lohan isn’t Bankable – You Just Figured this Out?

Usually when an actor is fired from a film, those involved release a cryptic statement to the press out of respect for the actor.  Not this time.  David Michaels, writer/director of ‘The Other Side,’ felt the need to inform the press that he fired Lohan from his film because she isn’t “bankable.”  Producers allegedly needed a bigger name to secure financing.  First of all, I’m guessing Lohan’s name is “bankable” enough to be dragged through the mud by David Michaels, so he can get attention for his film.  Second, must you kick her while she’s down?  It’s disgusting.  

Jim Carrey Joins Conan O’Brien on Tour – Watch Their Performance

Jim Carrey joined Conan O’Brien on his ‘Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television’ tour. He was dressed as a poor man’s ‘Superman,’ and they sang a Five for Fighting song.  Can you guess which one?  Conan later tweeted, “Jim Carrey rudely interrupted my power ballad last night. How did he get past security in a Superman outfit?”  Watch the performance below. 

TNT Renews ‘Southland’ – Take That NBC!

TNT ordered a third season of the critically acclaimed show.  ‘Southland’ originally aired on NBC, and the media pointed fingers at Jay Leno for its cancellation.  Leno took up the 10:00pm time slot every night, and many thought that ‘Southland’ just couldn’t survive at 9:00pm.  TNT came to the rescue, which has proven to be a successful choice.

19 Year Old Kick-Ass Star, Aaron Johnson, Engaged to 43 Year Old Actress

I usually evade celebrity personal lives, but I couldn’t resist this story.  Aaron Johnson, the 19 year old ‘Kick-Ass’ star, is engaged to his 43 year old pregnant girlfriend, Sam Taylor-Wood.  This will be the third child for Wood, whose two other children come from a previous 11 year marriage.  Johnson explains away the criticism by saying, “I’m an old soul and she’s a young soul.”  Johnson needs to make a personal phone call to Patrick Dempsey.  Dempsey married his acting coach, Rocky Parker, at the height of his career when he was 21 and she was 48.  In a Barbara Walters interview, Dempsey said that he “needed a mother,” and he still has scars from the union.  I wonder if Johnson will have the same feelings 20 years from now.  Those two really need to have coffee together.

‘Gossip Girl’ Launches New Promo Campaign – Does Blair Have Crabs?

Someone in marketing over at the The CW needs to get fired . . . fast.  To promote the resurgence of the Chuck and Blair feud on ‘Gossip Girl,’ the network released a poster of the beautiful Leighton Meester, with the tagline “The *itch is Back.”  Yes I understand the pun, but my serious double take included thoughts about what STD Blair came down with.  Not good.  Click the link below to see the picture and judge for yourself.

The *itch is Back  

Mtv Extends ‘The Hills’ to 24 Episodes

‘The Hills’ is coming to an end – or is it?  Mtv confirmed that they are extending the final season of ‘The Hills’ to 24 episodes instead of the originally planned 12.  Kristin Cavallari is happy with the announcement, stating “I would like to do it. I’m in such a rhythm with things and I’m having a great time. We’re just now starting to get into some really good juicy stuff with a few new people. So I think we could do another 12 episodes and make it pretty good.”  I would be pretty pumped too if I got paid for an extra 12 episodes.  Remember that the cast gets paid per episode, so more episodes mean more money.  Good for them.  I hope they milk that show for all it’s worth, because something tells me they’ll all be hard up for cash when it ends. 

Seth Aaron Wins Project Runway – View his Collection

I finally watched the ‘Project Runway’ finale, and I was ecstatic to see Seth Aaron win. He was the kindest and humblest competitor, and he also consistently took Tim Gunn’s advice. I’ll never understand why the designers deflect the constructive criticism that comes with the show. (Are you listening Emilio Sosa?) If you’re interested in winning, perhaps you should listen to the very people that determine who wins. See Seth Aaron’s outstanding collection below.

‘Sherlock Holmes’ Sequel Could be Shot in 3D – I’m Devastated

This news shattered me. Until now, the 3-D craze hasn’t completely affected me. I had no interest in seeing ‘Alice in Wonderland,’ and ‘Clash of the Titans’ isn’t exactly my genre. But ‘Sherlock Holmes’ is one of my favorite films. I even bought the book after the movie and vigorously read it while picturing Robert Downey Jr. solving every crime.  I did not; however, picture Robert Downey Jr. popping out from the movie screen to give me the world’s worst headache.  3-D is a horrific money grubbing medium that makes my eyes bleed.  At least Christopher Nolan, the director of ‘Batman Begins’ agrees with me.  He’s already said that he won’t shoot the next ‘Batman’ in 3-D despite pressure from the studio.  Hooray for Christopher!