The Dishmaster

Beatrice Miller v. Britney Spears — “You Picked A Boring Song”

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, Beatrice. You’re thirteen and you’ll learn quickly. When asked about her X Factor performance of Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time,” Beatrice said, “My song was really boring, and I’ve been telling Britney that from day one. She just said, ‘Get through it and try to connect with the song’. I don’t think it really mattered to her that I didn’t like it.” Perhaps Beatrice’s attitude explains her poor performance. Also — don’t insult the Princess of Pop — The Dishmaster won’t tolerate it.
I’m probably going straight to hell for picking on this kid though — especially since she’s putting food on her family’s table.

Jennel Garcia Gets Exed Out of X Factor — Simon Cowell’s Fault?

It’s not lost on me that the week Demi Lovato changed Jennel Garcia’s look back to Simon Cowell’s preferred style, she went home. Perhaps Demi was right all along. That being said, she wasn’t a star and certainly had a shelf-life either way. I’m also unsure of Cowell’s motivation for deferring to Demi to make the first vote-off, but Mario Lopez solidified his robotic status with how he handled it, simply saying, “You’re the boss.” He couldn’t do better than that? Watch below.

Katie Holmes Goes Nuts for Knits on Jimmy Fallon

I realize I don’t write a fashion blog, but it’s worth noting that any Late Night television show is formal enough to justify actually putting a little effort into one’s look. Knits are great, but not for Jimmy Fallon. And furthermore, it’s safe to say that Tom Cruise had nothing to do with Katie Holmes personality, considering she’s exactly the same now as she was pre-divorce. So lay off Tom Cruise. Anyhow — watch the interview below.

Jason Aldean & Wife Unite — Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater?

Is Jason Aldean pursuing a political career of which I was unaware? Is it necessary for his wife to participate in this interview? I suppose that the answer is yes, considering country fans, although loyal, are defiant about family values. I’ll forgive him. But I certainly won’t forget the shocking stupidity of making out with a chick at a public bar. If you’re going to cheat, at least show your wife the respect of not getting caught.

Bachelor Ben Flajnik Continues Courtney Robertson Hate Parade

A man is judged by his exit. Apparently Bachelor Ben Flajnik missed that memo. The worst-Bachelor-in-history has taken to the tabloids to bash his ex, Courtney Robertson, in a classless hate parade, saying such things as he’s “really lost all respect for this person that [he] thought [he] knew and that [he] was in love with at one point,” and he should “apologize to all those women (from The Bachelor) and say, ‘Sorry I didn’t see it.’” Here’s my advice for Ben — If she was good enough to propose to — then she’s good enough to respect post-breakup. And furthermore, what exactly did she do wrong here? Date another dude shortly after you dumped her? Yeah, cause no one does that. Lastly, you were an angry dude on Ashley’s season, and you’re still an angry dude. Get over it.

Kelly Clarkson Landed Her Man — Loses The Gym

Isn’t new love wonderful? It’s especially wonderful when that new love turns to old love and you no longer shave your legs, gain weight, and incessantly nag your boyfriend about the hotter chicks he’s checking out. It appears Kelly Clarkson might be on that road to wonderful, revealing in a new interview with In Touch that she was “working out pretty heavily for a while” but now that she has her man she no longer has to do that anymore. Good luck, Kelly. Good luck.

Kid Rock Sells His Dinosaur — Embraces iTunes

Congratulations, Kid Rock. You’ve thrown away your fossil and joined the masses. For years Kid Rock insisted that iTunes ruined music by allowing the consumer to individually purchase songs. Though he certainly had a point, his move dated his brand and alienated himself. There’s nothing worse than dated lectures on the glory days. So thanks Kid Rock, and welcome to my generation.

Kelly Clarkson Caught Her Breath — And a Good Stylist

Kelly Clarkson finally got it right. She looks good, she’s dressed well, and the song works. Watch below to see her new video for the song, “Catch My Breath.”

Maksim Chmerkovskiy Waltzes Into My Fantasy-Man-List

I think most women would agree that there is nothing hotter than a man in a white Hanes T-shirt. I also think most women would agree that it doesn’t get hotter than Maksim Chmerkovskiy. You know a man has exceeded The Dishmaster’s hotness scale when I find myself making bold declarations like, “I deserve him.” The Dishmaster will persevere! And until then, watch the video below of Maksim’s performance with Kirstie Alley.

Derek Hough’s Samba Sizzles — Tribal Triumph

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. There is no better choreographer on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ than Derek Hough. He’s original and incredible. Sure his samba lacked substantial samba content, but with a dance like that, the rules should be rewritten. Watch below to see his performance with Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas.