“To be quite honest, if there is going to be somebody else in their lives, I’d much rather it was a familiar face. I guess the only thing I would have preferred is that. . . I guess I didn’t expect any better from him, I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were . . . . But I guess you now all have the answer that you’ve been looking for for the past seven months.” Seal, on the rumors that Heidi Klum is currently dating her bodyguard coupled with the shocking confession that she cheated.
“They are like this kaleidoscope of interesting thoughts and opinions. They teach you so many things about men that are useful.” “Like what?” our reporter asked. Klum paused, and then made the universal tounge-moving-rapidly-in-cheek motion that signifies blowies. She explained what she’s learned (off the record, of course), and our reporter said she discovered two things: 1) Everything sounds authoritative when said in a German accent, and 2) Seal was a lucky guy.” An excerpt of Heidi Klum’s interview with Allure Magazine, which confirmed the need for homosexuals in her life. As an aside, I too have a lot of gay friends, but unfortunately our conversations involved their unfulfilling sexual experiences with women, and it traumatized me for life.
If it’s true that Heidi Klum and Seal are divorcing, then I think it’s safe to say that I should no longer have favorite-celebrity-couples, because this marks my fourth favorite that is breaking up. The others are listed below. Such a shame. So much for renewing your vows every year.
- David Arquette & Courtney Cox
- Heather Locklear & Richie Sambora
- Carmen Electra & Dave Navarro