The Dishmaster

Tinseltown’s leading ladies took the stage at the Golden Globes last night, and true to form, they topped themselves. The opening monologue took some predictable pokes at Hollywood A-listers, including George Clooney, who would “Rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age,” and Leonardo DiCaprio who, “Like a supermodel’s vagina, [got] a warm welcome.” There’s a reason Lorne Michaels originally scouted these superstars, and it’s because they know how to avoid the standard pitfalls of joke-telling in favor of creative comedy. And they need not take on a male persona to play with the top dogs. In fact, they are the top dogs.

Watch their Golden Globes opening monologue below, and let this be a lesson to all roasters. One can ride the line of laughter without crossing it.

For those who have missed the very public scandal surrounding Chris Christie’s, here’s the abridged version. Christie’s staff intentionally closed lanes in Fort Lee, New Jersey to punish the mayor for not endorsing Christie in his 2013 bid for reelection. In response, Christie has fired Bridget Anne Kelly, the deputy chief of staff, insisting she “betrayed” him, and further emphasizing his ignorance about the events. He has also publicly admonished his former campaign manager, Bill Stepien. It’s believed that Christie’s former associate, David Wildstein, used his power at the Port Authority to execute the arbitrary closures, which ultimately stalled both school buses with children and EMT vehicles.

While it’s certainly possible that Christie had no knowledge of the events, that’s even more disturbing. We are only as strong as our weakest link, and when we chose those weak links to be a part of staff, we are responsible. While Chris Christie’s charm can certainly take him far, it won’t take him across the finish line in a Presidential campaign. How did he ignorantly surround himself with such awful people? And why didn’t he uncover this with independent investigation? Is he blind to the antics of his entourage? Watch below for Jon Stewart’s take.

If Dennis Rodman formed a friendship with Hitler, how would the media handle it? Rodman ultimately benefits from any inquiry into his antics, and his avoidance of a “political discussion” begs the question of why he agrees to interviews at all. After all, if there’s nothing to defend, why defend yourself? As for Chris Cuomo, this is beneath both his and CNN’s pay grade. We are all voyeurs, but it’s up to our news stations to rise above it.

Comedians constantly evade criticism by proclaiming that the public has become too politically correct, thus stifling their creative freedom. But that excuse merely masks the truth. The real truth is that — some jokes simply aren’t funny, and Jay Mohr can certainly relate. Mohr and Alyssa Milano both attended the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Awards gala, and Mohr went after her weight, saying, “Somebody sat in the director’s chair and was not wearing Spanx and I was like, ‘Jesus Christ.'” Though two wrongs don’t make a right, the irony is impossible to avoid (have you seen Jay Mohr lately?). As for Milano, she took a higher road than The Dishmaster. Read her very classy quote below.

.@jaymohr37 So sorry you felt the need to publicly fat-shame me. Be well and God Bless. Please send my love to your beautiful wife.

— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) December 26, 2013