The Bachelor Producers Are Blood Sucking Maggots

If you’re not watching The Bachelor this season, allow me to explain the title of this post. There’s a girl on the show whose fiance died in an airplane crash just days before she found out she was pregnant. Her fiance was a NASCAR driver, and on next week’s episode, Brad Womack takes her to a race track. Can you guess why? Well, because the producers want good television, and they know that if they capitalize on this poor girl’s back-story, she’ll probably cry for the entire date.  And tears are ratings gold! It isn’t shocking that the producers would pull such a trick, especially considering the many former cast members that have complained. When Jerry O’Connell’s brother (Charlie O’Connell) was on the show, the producers tried to get his parents drunk and kept yelling at them for being “boring.” Chris Harrison has consistently defended the producers of his cash-cow-show, and this date is no exception.  When asked about it, he said it was “therapeutic.” Yeah, I’m sure that’s why you guys did it . . . for therapy.

American Idol Is Officially Done — Sucks Without Simon Cowell

Well, it’s official. Start saying your goodbyes to American Idol. I watched the show tonight and hoped for the best. But it just doesn’t work without Simon Cowell. The ship needs a captain, and the captain can now be seen on X Factor, which will soon trounce American Idol in the ratings. I know this not only because I’m a genius, but also because that’s exactly what happened in England. Simon Cowell started in England on a show called Pop Idol, which exploded in the ratings. When he left Pop Idol for X Factor, Pop Idol tanked, and X Factor became an immediate hit. Why? Because Cowell is a necessity, and without him, it’s just another talent show. So Simon — if you’re reading this — I missed you tonight, and I found myself waiting for you to appear at the table.  I’ll see you soon.

Why Can The CW Pick Actors But Not Shows?

Leighton Meester is getting a lot of attention for her new film with Gwenyth Paltrow, Country Strong, and I can’t help but wonder if the people at The CW are happy.  Gossip Girl is Meester’s career launching role, and it gets a lot of media buzz, but no ratings.  That’s always baffled me, especially considering that I religiously watch Gossip Girl, despite falling outside their target tweenie demographic.  But Meester isn’t the only actress from The CW to become extremely successful.  What about Blake Lively?  She also began on Gossip Girl, and she’s now had three major movie roles (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Town, and The Green Hornet).  And let’s not forget Kristen Bell.  Bell’s career began on Veronica Mars, which also got press attention but failed in the ratings.  Like Meester and Lively, Bell has now moved on to major movie roles.  So what’s the problem?  Is it a CW marketing problem?  Perhaps.  When ratings don’t correspond with the quality of your show, you have to question marketing and promotion.  Plus, you’d think if your that good at picking talent, you’d be equally as good at running your network as a whole.

Conan’s Ratings Dip on Night Two — Duh

There’s been a lot of talk in the media about Conan’s ratings dip on night two, and I’d just like to send a collective “suck it” to all the Negative Nancys out there. It’s obvious that he’d have huge ratings his first night out. People initially tune in because of the insane press coverage for the first show, and then Conan’s regular audience sticks around thereafter. In this case, his regular audience was about 30% of the initial viewing audience, which is pretty good. Sure he came in third against Leno and Letterman, but keep in mind that Leno and Letterman are network shows, and the fact that Conan can even come close to those ratings is pretty pathetic for the Network big-wigs. Cable has less eyeballs, and even with less eyeballs, Conan is a contender. That’s pretty damn good.

CNN is Losing the Ratings Race to Pretty Much Everyone

CNN’s ratings are tanking.  They are now being beaten by Sean Hannity on Fox, just about everyone on Fox News, Rachel Maddow on MSNBC, and Joy Behar on HLN.  I think the first problem for CNN is comparing it to the above mentioned shows, considering that most of them don’t even count as news programs.  If you are going to compare CNN to Fox News, why not also compare it to ‘Keeping up With the Kardashians?’  After all, they are both cheesy reality shows aren’t they?