Christmas Link-List — Santa’s Gossip

If you’re feeling Claus-trophobic this evening, please take some time to peruse all the latest tabloid gossip. Your delightful dish-list is here.

JWOWW is expecting. People

Will Arnett has a new girl. Contact Music

Charlie Sheen is at war with Denise Richards again. TMZ

Matt Kemp and Khloe Kardashian aren’t dating after all? Wet Paint

Jack Nicholson charmed Jennifer Lawrence. Radar Online

Justin Bieber gifted the world with a Christmas present. NYP

Eliot Spitzer and his wife are divorcing. What went wrong? CNN

Simon Cowell is VERY friendly with his exes. Just Jared

Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union are engaged. Huffington Post

Rachel Zoe named her newborn. Us Magazine

 

Jared Leto’s ‘Artifact’ — Man v. The Machine

“Give me the name of a band that’s had continued worldwide success without a label.”
-Jared Leto

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The music industry has many faces, and most people don’t understand precisely what those faces are. For years we’ve heard the horror stories about how record labels treat their artists, but its victims consistently failed to articulate the details of its destruction. Artifact has officially opened those doors with a never-before-seen look inside the dinosaur’s lair.

The film’s story is told through the eyes of Thirty Seconds to Mars’ frontman, Jared Leto, during the band’s war with EMI. According to Leto, his second record sold over three million copies but despite this success, the band didn’t see a dime. In fact, they shockingly landed 1.7 million dollars in debt to the label. Though the details are complex, that debt would apply to their next album until EMI made its money back, thus decreasing the likelihood that the band would ever benefit from their sales. When Thirty Seconds to Mars got wind of this wild injustice, they predictably attempted to leave the label. This resulted in a thirty million dollar lawsuit against the band, with EMI citing their airtight 9 year contract. Leto cited the statute in response, claiming that no contract can exceed 7 years. The rest of the story is in the details.

Weaved amongst the inner-workings of the band’s war with EMI is a more personal story about their creative journey and Jared Leto’s temperament, upbringing, and leadership. If any part of his directorial mission was to paint himself in a favorable light, he achieved his goal. One of the most moving moments in the film was listening to Leto describe his family life. His mother had both children by the age of eighteen, and Leto seemed unfazed by their financial hardships. His brother recounted his own personal struggle, saying that his role as a drummer served to center his wayward path. There are also touching moments in the film that shine a clear light on their brotherly bond. For example, when Shannon Leto struggles with a drum part, Jared kindly and gently encourages that he take a break and insists that he’s entirely capable with more practice.

One thing of note in ‘Artifact’ is there are more questions than answers. Leto humbly asks his band, his lawyer, and his manager (the legendary Irving Azoff), for advice. Almost everyone is at a loss. Is it possible to have “continued, worldwide success” without a label, Leto asks. To answer this question, there are numerous guest spots with other well-known band members and former executives, recounting infamous struggles that sank many musicians’ careers (see Prince and George Michael). Is it all worth it? Can anyone make money in a dying industry, and do we still need the costly dinosaur to do the dirty work? And what about the industry itself? When the public doesn’t buy albums, how does anyone financially succeed? Sure you can make money on tour, through merchandise sales, and via licensing deals, but the label wants a piece of that too, thus once again melting the pot of gold to mere nickels (see 360 deals).

As this story unfolds, Leto’s battle costs begin to bankrupt him, and one begins to wonder if he has become buried under the behemoth’s reign in vain. The more he fights for his artistic freedom, the tighter his shackles, and the less likely his prospects. In the first year of law school, they tell you that everyone loses in a lawsuit, and this story is no exception. I cannot speak to my perspective on what the band ultimately decided to do, but their journey is far more important than the result. Watch this film. If nothing else, you’ll certainly second-question your aversion to buying records.

RATING: 5/5 STARS

The Demise of Duck Dynasty — Should A&E Issue a Quackdown?

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The most popular reality show on television just got a severe dose of reality, and many in the right-wing media are crying fowl. For those that missed it, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson made some anti-homosexual comments to GQ, and has since been suspended by the network. His family has flocked together, claiming if Phil Robertson goes, they all go. Though the public is quick to scream about the First Amendment, that claim is more romantic than real. All of us law school grads know this is not a First Amendment violation, and though I’d love to give you a legal rundown — just trust me — it’s faster. As for the morality behind the mayhem, despite my support of the gay community, I stand against the suspension.

This is a reality show, and it’s important for everyone everywhere to fully understand the public’s views to affect change. If we simply erase history or put aside the present, we won’t grow. Phil Robertson’s comments opened up a much larger debate, and that conversation has forced people into a well-valued dialogue. Shunning never earned anyone anything except the very cool catchphrase, “Talk to the Hand.” And even that has become dated.

Shia LaBeouf Apologizes for Plagiarism With Plagiarized Apology

Shia LaBeouf has once again landed in the news, and this time it doesn’t involve Alec Baldwin or Steven Spielberg. Here’s the story in a nutshell. LaBeouf released a short film starring Jim Gaffigan, entitled HowardCantour.com. Online bloggers quickly noticed its likeness to artist Daniel Clowes’ 2007 graphic novella Justin M. Damiano. According to Deadline, this likeness included, “word-for-word dialogue and visuals lifted directly from the original.” LaBeouf attempted to squirm out of the public’s backlash by announcing his amateur status as a filmmaker (you know . . . because new filmmakers know nothing about plagiarism). Then, in what can only be described as both brilliant and insane, LaBeouf issued another apology, which mimics Tiger Woods’s mea culpa, saying, “I have let my family down, and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.” You have to hand it to the guy. If you’re going to plagiarize your plagiarism apology, you might as well get creative.

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Katy Perry Has Miming Meltdown at NRJ Awards — WATCH NOW

Katy Perry had a technical meltdown at the NRJ Awards, and she’s somehow managed to avoid the same wrath handed to Ashlee Simpson for her equivalent SNL fiasco. According to Perry’s team, the wrong backing track was played, forcing Perry to lip-sync.

If you watch the video below, you’ll see that Perry mistimed her mime, which eventually forced the host to come on stage and demand that she start over. Perhaps he knew that the wrong backing track was played and realized that everyone, including her dancers were out of sync? When she began again, she sang live, and the difference in her vocals was astounding.

First, it’s nearly impossible to dance and sing simultaneously, and we’ve become so accustomed to watching both, we forget that the predicted huffing-and-puffing is missing from the audio. Second, we’ve also become accustomed to vocal tuning, which means that we often forget what the singer actually sounds like. Thankfully, Katy Perry gave you a lesson with a wow-worthy before and after. As for how this happened, I’m at a loss. Why would she have two backing tracks, one with vocals and one without? And who hit the wrong button?


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Homeland Finale Recap: Who’s Coming, Who’s Going, and Who’s dead?

20131216-154650.jpgIt appears that Nicholas Brody’s nine lives are up. In the season finale of Homeland, Carrie’s longtime love fell victim to the CIA’s internal operation, which resulted in a very public hanging. Saul attempted an extraction plan, but his capital was too kaput to conquer the very complicated task, and he was subsequently canned. Whether he’ll return as a series regular remains to be seen, but Mandy Patinkin recently got rid of his famous facial hair, which worries me (when does the new season shoot, and how fast are Mandy’s follicles?).

As for whether this was the right decision in the writer’s room, I’ll put my personal sadness aside to approve the choice. Carrie was far too caught up in their love affair to get another romantic interest, and Brody’s survival almost became cartoonish. Sure he could have ratted out the United States to guarantee his freedom in Iran, but the accompanying plot-line would have been a boring copy of season one. And in case you’re too sad to move forward with the next season, allow me to shine some light for a moment with the revelation that Brody’s family will not return (you’re welcome).

Good job, guys. See you next season.

P.S. YOU BETTER FUC*ING BRING SAUL BACK.

Megyn Kelly Says Jesus and Santa are White — Who Knew?!

As a Jew, this story makes me laugh even harder than usual. And as someone who finds great pleasure in the purposeful picking of hot chicks and pretending their intelligent, it’s even more entertaining. I have to admit, Megyn Kelly had me fooled, but even The Dishmaster can be hypnotized by hotness. Watch Jon Stewart take the talking head to task below.

Julie Chen v. Jenny McCarthy — Is ‘The View’ Doomed?

Jenny McCarthy Barbara WaltersJulie Chen visited the King of all Media to promote ‘The Talk’ and she admirably answered the shock jock’s probing questions with honesty (except for the nose job one). One such question was whether ‘The View’ made a mistake with its new, non-politics direction. Howard Stern then asked about Jenny McCarthy, and Chen insisted that McCarthy is more suited for a pop culture format, and since ‘The View’ has always been known for hard-hitting topics, she simply doesn’t fit in.

The interesting irony of Julie Chen’s comment is that Jenny McCarthy is no more suited to discuss politics than Survivor contestant Elisabeth Hasselbeck. In fact, it might actually be  more interesting to hear the former playmate’s take on harder topics.  It’s unfortunate; however, that Jenny McCarthy got caught in the cross-hairs of a more interesting debate. Is it true that ‘The View’ made a mistake with it’s new format? Though it pains me to say this, the answer is yes.

ABC fell victim to a common error with its revamp. They listened to the public. While it’s true that public opinion matters, a major network should be led by their opinion, not bound to it. Elisabeth Hasselbeck was too contentious and off-putting, and she made ‘The View’ uncomfortable to watch while unwinding. That being said, just because one person is poisonous, that doesn’t mean the format should be entirely trashed. There are a million resources for pop-culture, and I have zero interest in watching a group of women debate what I can find in any other forum imaginable. But try finding a show that discusses political issues with entertaining, non-experts and a spoonful of sugar (there aren’t many).’The View’ was a resource to learn about intricate political topics with ease, and they have now become a bunch of girls gabbing about gunk. I get it. They want to be one with the times. Hopefully they will learn what those times actually are before it’s too late.