American Hustle — A FULL REVIEW

Con movies are only fun when the audience gets equally conned. And if they’re not along for the ride, they should at least be in on it. In American Hustle, neither of these principles hold true. The film follows Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) and Sydney Prosser (Amy Adams), a charlatan couple whose FBI bust forces their participation in taking down elite dirtbags. Their corrupt background elicits a guessing game as to their true loyalty and agenda. Had the writing and directing been stronger, that guessing game would have been far more enjoyable. The only shining light in this film is Jennifer Lawrence, who far exceeds her counterparts. Though this is certainly not a competition, if it were me, I’d have given strongest player more than one inning. Furthermore, Amy Adams was an unfortunate miscast. She’s meant to straddle the line between good and bad, but her delicate demeanor and sweet-natured spirit make it nearly impossible to believe the bad. Lastly, if your characters lack even a modicum of likability, so does your plot. When all of your players are parasites, does the end game really matter?

RATING: 2/5 STARS (Jennifer Lawrence upped that).

Christmas Link-List — Santa’s Gossip

If you’re feeling Claus-trophobic this evening, please take some time to peruse all the latest tabloid gossip. Your delightful dish-list is here.

JWOWW is expecting. People

Will Arnett has a new girl. Contact Music

Charlie Sheen is at war with Denise Richards again. TMZ

Matt Kemp and Khloe Kardashian aren’t dating after all? Wet Paint

Jack Nicholson charmed Jennifer Lawrence. Radar Online

Justin Bieber gifted the world with a Christmas present. NYP

Eliot Spitzer and his wife are divorcing. What went wrong? CNN

Simon Cowell is VERY friendly with his exes. Just Jared

Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union are engaged. Huffington Post

Rachel Zoe named her newborn. Us Magazine

 

Paulina Rubio’s Sings ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ — Kills It

If you’re wondering how it’s done on X Factor, watch Paulina Rubio sing, ‘Boys Will Be Boys.’ She not only sleighed the competition, she set a new standard for every pop tart on the planet. In fact, if you watch Simon Cowell’s reaction, it’s quite possible this is the moment he fell in love with her.

Jared Leto’s ‘Artifact’ — Man v. The Machine

“Give me the name of a band that’s had continued worldwide success without a label.”
-Jared Leto

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The music industry has many faces, and most people don’t understand precisely what those faces are. For years we’ve heard the horror stories about how record labels treat their artists, but its victims consistently failed to articulate the details of its destruction. Artifact has officially opened those doors with a never-before-seen look inside the dinosaur’s lair.

The film’s story is told through the eyes of Thirty Seconds to Mars’ frontman, Jared Leto, during the band’s war with EMI. According to Leto, his second record sold over three million copies but despite this success, the band didn’t see a dime. In fact, they shockingly landed 1.7 million dollars in debt to the label. Though the details are complex, that debt would apply to their next album until EMI made its money back, thus decreasing the likelihood that the band would ever benefit from their sales. When Thirty Seconds to Mars got wind of this wild injustice, they predictably attempted to leave the label. This resulted in a thirty million dollar lawsuit against the band, with EMI citing their airtight 9 year contract. Leto cited the statute in response, claiming that no contract can exceed 7 years. The rest of the story is in the details.

Weaved amongst the inner-workings of the band’s war with EMI is a more personal story about their creative journey and Jared Leto’s temperament, upbringing, and leadership. If any part of his directorial mission was to paint himself in a favorable light, he achieved his goal. One of the most moving moments in the film was listening to Leto describe his family life. His mother had both children by the age of eighteen, and Leto seemed unfazed by their financial hardships. His brother recounted his own personal struggle, saying that his role as a drummer served to center his wayward path. There are also touching moments in the film that shine a clear light on their brotherly bond. For example, when Shannon Leto struggles with a drum part, Jared kindly and gently encourages that he take a break and insists that he’s entirely capable with more practice.

One thing of note in ‘Artifact’ is there are more questions than answers. Leto humbly asks his band, his lawyer, and his manager (the legendary Irving Azoff), for advice. Almost everyone is at a loss. Is it possible to have “continued, worldwide success” without a label, Leto asks. To answer this question, there are numerous guest spots with other well-known band members and former executives, recounting infamous struggles that sank many musicians’ careers (see Prince and George Michael). Is it all worth it? Can anyone make money in a dying industry, and do we still need the costly dinosaur to do the dirty work? And what about the industry itself? When the public doesn’t buy albums, how does anyone financially succeed? Sure you can make money on tour, through merchandise sales, and via licensing deals, but the label wants a piece of that too, thus once again melting the pot of gold to mere nickels (see 360 deals).

As this story unfolds, Leto’s battle costs begin to bankrupt him, and one begins to wonder if he has become buried under the behemoth’s reign in vain. The more he fights for his artistic freedom, the tighter his shackles, and the less likely his prospects. In the first year of law school, they tell you that everyone loses in a lawsuit, and this story is no exception. I cannot speak to my perspective on what the band ultimately decided to do, but their journey is far more important than the result. Watch this film. If nothing else, you’ll certainly second-question your aversion to buying records.

RATING: 5/5 STARS

WHAT THE DUCK?! A&E, Duck Dynasty & the First Amendment.

To further explain why Phil Robertson’s suspension from A&E is NOT a First Amendment violation, I commissioned my lawyer-friend Rik Sault, to deliver the dirty details. Enjoy the article below.

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A&E indefinitely suspended Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson for sharing his views on homosexuality in the January 2014 issue of GQ. Phil cited the bible, saying that homosexuality is immoral and even likened it to bestiality and terrorism (oh boy!). Though it’s not surprising that Phil holds such a view, it is surprising how quickly this issue blew up. Social conservatives and select Christian groups have come to Phil’s defense, outraged that he is suspended for simply expressing his faith and beliefs. There’s even a website and petition, IStandWithPhil, which calls for A&E to reinstate him. And now, a 2010 video “sermon” given by Phil has resurfaced. In this sermon, he rambles about “gross sexual immorality” and perversions such as “women with women, men with men.”

As my good friend The Dishmaster was quick to point out, this is NOT a First Amendment issue, despite of what social conservatives would have you believe. Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal said, “I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment.” It is ludicrous to cite the First Amendment here. Although government employees have limited First Amendment protection for their private speech, PRIVATE employees do not. There is simply no First Amendment protection when a private employer fires you for your speech. Phil is free to express whatever extreme religious and social views that he may hold without fear of legitimate government intervention, but A&E can certainly control which public figures it chooses to put on the air. Jindal’s recollection of a time when “TV networks believed in the First Amendment” is wildly misleading. I’m sure A&E believes in the First Amendment. I’d dare say that its choice to suspend Phil is an exercise of its free speech rights. Also, let’s not forget about partisan news outlets: if a Fox News pundit told a major magazine like GQ that he or she lauded the reforms of Obamacare and called for increased funding for food stamps, that pundit would likely lose his job. Furthermore, cable television Stars are accountable to the channel and A&E is accountable not only to its viewers, but also to its advertisers. According to one crisis communications expert, “few advertisers will risk supporting Duck Dynasty because of [Phil’s] devastating remarks and renewed focus on a show that invites ridicule of stereotypical rural families.” A&E’s only failure is its inability to wrangle its stars. This never should have happened.

The Demise of Duck Dynasty — Should A&E Issue a Quackdown?

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The most popular reality show on television just got a severe dose of reality, and many in the right-wing media are crying fowl. For those that missed it, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson made some anti-homosexual comments to GQ, and has since been suspended by the network. His family has flocked together, claiming if Phil Robertson goes, they all go. Though the public is quick to scream about the First Amendment, that claim is more romantic than real. All of us law school grads know this is not a First Amendment violation, and though I’d love to give you a legal rundown — just trust me — it’s faster. As for the morality behind the mayhem, despite my support of the gay community, I stand against the suspension.

This is a reality show, and it’s important for everyone everywhere to fully understand the public’s views to affect change. If we simply erase history or put aside the present, we won’t grow. Phil Robertson’s comments opened up a much larger debate, and that conversation has forced people into a well-valued dialogue. Shunning never earned anyone anything except the very cool catchphrase, “Talk to the Hand.” And even that has become dated.

Shia LaBeouf Apologizes for Plagiarism With Plagiarized Apology

Shia LaBeouf has once again landed in the news, and this time it doesn’t involve Alec Baldwin or Steven Spielberg. Here’s the story in a nutshell. LaBeouf released a short film starring Jim Gaffigan, entitled HowardCantour.com. Online bloggers quickly noticed its likeness to artist Daniel Clowes’ 2007 graphic novella Justin M. Damiano. According to Deadline, this likeness included, “word-for-word dialogue and visuals lifted directly from the original.” LaBeouf attempted to squirm out of the public’s backlash by announcing his amateur status as a filmmaker (you know . . . because new filmmakers know nothing about plagiarism). Then, in what can only be described as both brilliant and insane, LaBeouf issued another apology, which mimics Tiger Woods’s mea culpa, saying, “I have let my family down, and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.” You have to hand it to the guy. If you’re going to plagiarize your plagiarism apology, you might as well get creative.

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Katy Perry Has Miming Meltdown at NRJ Awards — WATCH NOW

Katy Perry had a technical meltdown at the NRJ Awards, and she’s somehow managed to avoid the same wrath handed to Ashlee Simpson for her equivalent SNL fiasco. According to Perry’s team, the wrong backing track was played, forcing Perry to lip-sync.

If you watch the video below, you’ll see that Perry mistimed her mime, which eventually forced the host to come on stage and demand that she start over. Perhaps he knew that the wrong backing track was played and realized that everyone, including her dancers were out of sync? When she began again, she sang live, and the difference in her vocals was astounding.

First, it’s nearly impossible to dance and sing simultaneously, and we’ve become so accustomed to watching both, we forget that the predicted huffing-and-puffing is missing from the audio. Second, we’ve also become accustomed to vocal tuning, which means that we often forget what the singer actually sounds like. Thankfully, Katy Perry gave you a lesson with a wow-worthy before and after. As for how this happened, I’m at a loss. Why would she have two backing tracks, one with vocals and one without? And who hit the wrong button?


The Dishmaster
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Homeland Finale Recap: Who’s Coming, Who’s Going, and Who’s dead?

20131216-154650.jpgIt appears that Nicholas Brody’s nine lives are up. In the season finale of Homeland, Carrie’s longtime love fell victim to the CIA’s internal operation, which resulted in a very public hanging. Saul attempted an extraction plan, but his capital was too kaput to conquer the very complicated task, and he was subsequently canned. Whether he’ll return as a series regular remains to be seen, but Mandy Patinkin recently got rid of his famous facial hair, which worries me (when does the new season shoot, and how fast are Mandy’s follicles?).

As for whether this was the right decision in the writer’s room, I’ll put my personal sadness aside to approve the choice. Carrie was far too caught up in their love affair to get another romantic interest, and Brody’s survival almost became cartoonish. Sure he could have ratted out the United States to guarantee his freedom in Iran, but the accompanying plot-line would have been a boring copy of season one. And in case you’re too sad to move forward with the next season, allow me to shine some light for a moment with the revelation that Brody’s family will not return (you’re welcome).

Good job, guys. See you next season.

P.S. YOU BETTER FUC*ING BRING SAUL BACK.

Megyn Kelly Says Jesus and Santa are White — Who Knew?!

As a Jew, this story makes me laugh even harder than usual. And as someone who finds great pleasure in the purposeful picking of hot chicks and pretending their intelligent, it’s even more entertaining. I have to admit, Megyn Kelly had me fooled, but even The Dishmaster can be hypnotized by hotness. Watch Jon Stewart take the talking head to task below.