A close friend of mine told me that he didn’t realize how bad he was in bed until he taped himself and his girlfriend having sex. “I thought it would be hot,” he said, “but it was really depressing.” Because of my nameless friend, I’ve decided to never tape myself having sex. Oh yeah — and I don’t want to see my gigantic ass on camera. Does anyone? Apparently, celebrities love making sex tapes, and they love taking naked cell phone pictures even more. So are they raging narcissists that are also too dumb to realize the possibility of either losing their phone, or pissing a man off enough to sell those pictures one day? You might want to ask Miley Cyrus next time you see her, because she’s the newest celebrity involved in a naked picture scandal. And this isn’t the first time. Not too long ago she took racy photographs of herself in the shower, which made its way on the internet for the entire world to see. What’s that quote? “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I’m an asshole.”
If there’s anything good that can come out of Billy Ray Cyrus’ divorce, it’s an image makeover. In recent years he’s been in the press because of Miley Cyrus, and he’s come off as a doting father who borders on naive. If you’ve been a country music fan as long as I have, then you remember the days of Achy Breaky Heart, when women swooned for the country music bad-boy. In a radio interview with Woody Johnson of Woody and the Wake Up Call, Cyrus got pissed when asked about his divorce and stormed out of the interview. I imagine Cyrus’ anger had to do with being promised prior to the interview that he wouldn’t be asked about his divorce, presumably to reel him in and then zing him with the question for ratings. It’s not an uncommon tactic, but it’s pretty disgusting if it’s true. Congrats to Billy Ray — let the bad-ass return.
Since Hilary Duff stopped making her cutesy movies, there has a been a giant void in tweenie land. Miley Cyrus made a feeble attempt to fill the void, by parlaying the successful Hannah Montana television show into films. But Hannah Montana was the beginning and end of her tweenie films. She never came close to duplicating Duff’s resume, with Raise Your Voice; A Perfect Man; and A Cinderella Story as just a few examples of Duff’s work. Plus, she started wearing leotards and dancing around like a slut — which is another thing Duff never did. Zac Efron also entered tweenie territory with the very enjoyable, underrated film, 17 Again, but he quickly changed pace with Charlie St. Cloud, to avoid being type cast in one particular role. Only time will tell if that was a smart decision. Hilary Duff never quite transitioned into more grown-up roles, after she outgrew her young fan base. So perhaps Efron took that as an example. But I still want a new tweenie-bopper to make the films I love to see. And in case you are wondering, I am an adult — which might make this post slightly creepy.
I listened to Perez defend himself, and it further convinced me that I am finished with him altogether. I started reading Perez about four years ago, mainly because everyone in the entertainment industry passed it around as their guilty pleasure. He had original content, he was breaking stories, and he was pushing boundaries. Years passed, and he went from being unconventional to straight up mean, which is unacceptable. You should never make fun of someone for something they cannot control. So when you use your blog to literally call people ugly, or pick on an individual that is clearly in the midst of a personal crisis/breakdown (i.e. Britney Spears), I draw my line in the sand. The Miley Cyrus situation solidified my outrage. The paparazzi are disgusting vultures of humanity that will continue to prey on people and invade their personal space until the California legislature gets its act together and passes a law to prevent them from endangering celebrities and all innocent bystanders around those celebrities. The only reason they are able to continue making money off crotch shots, is because people like Perez are posting them, or “linking to them.” Now I know these celebrities are not entirely innocent. Miley Cyrus is old enough and savvy enough to know that the paparazzi will attempt to get crotch shots, and she therefore should use her brain and wear some pants. That being said, it doesn’t excuse this behavior. And no matter who started it, it’s time to stop perpetuating it. It’s disgusting. Watch his “explanation” below.