Alec Baldwin Under Fire — Leave the King of Comedy Alone

ALEC BALDWINI don’t know about you, but when my top’s about to blow, I definitely take the time to really think about insulting my opponent with the most class possible. It’s too bad Alec Baldwin lacks my lucky gift, especially when being accosted by vulturous photographers. After all, it’s okay to say the “F” word, as long as it’s not THAT “F” word.

And if you missed the made-for-TV take-down, Baldwin verbally berated a photographer who harassed him and his wife (newborn baby in tow), calling him a “c—k-sucking f****t.” Baldwin later claimed that his contentious remark was actually, “fathead,” which prompted GLAAD to explain that his adjective (that’s an adjective right?) was equally offensive. Baldwin’s daughter, Ireland Baldwin, has since come to his defense, explaining that her father is far from homophobic.

While I certainly don’t condone hateful speech, I also know that if you poke the bear, you should not be surprised when he uses his insult arsenal to rip off your head. Furthermore, this story should also focus on enacting anti-paparazzi laws to protect not only celebrities, but their families, and the innocent bystanders that get caught in the crossfire. Alec Baldwin’s talent is a gift, and I would prefer to get that gift as long as I can. If the public continues to pounce on this man, he’ll go away quietly, and I’ll be punished. Perhaps it’s time to get to the root of the problem, instead of just watering the poisonous plant.


Cheryl Burke Upset With Paparazzi for Publicizing Her Weight Gain

Call me a heartless prick, but I love to see pictures of celebrities when they gain weight.  It’s not because I enjoy the misery of others, it’s just that I’d like to believe that celebrities are sans cellulite because they have the time to spend the entire day doing squats.  So when pictures emerged of Cheryl Burke in a bikini looking larger than she did on Dancing With The Stars, I found it comforting.  I thought, “wow, Cheryl is a real human being that puts on weight during her breaks from the show.  Maybe now I won’t feel so bad about my gigantic ass.”  Unfortunately, Cheryl didn’t see it that way.   Instead, she’s said that those pictures forced her to go on an extreme diet and the paparazzi basically ruined her life.  So here’s my advice to Cheryl Burke: either get out of the kitchen or develop thicker skin (no pun intended).  Sensitive people don’t belong in this business — it’s way too cutthroat.

Christina Hendricks Posed For Playboy — She Wasn’t Naked — No Scandal

There’s a lot of buzz on the internet about Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks’ “Playboy past.”  Can I just say that unless she’s naked, there’s no scandal.  She’s in a bikini in a highly air-brushed and artistic photo-shoot, which is less revealing than if she was photographed by Paparazzi on the beach.  I’d also like to say that, despite the viewpoint of my highly conservative friends, Playboy is not a scandalous magazine.  There’s no longer a need to hide it under your couch cushions, and it’s certainly okay to take it to Starbucks and read it for the articles.  Isn’t it?  Perhaps that’s why I get such strange looks while I’m drinking my coffee.  To see the “scandalous” pictures, click the link below.


Keira Knightley Whines About Fame — Again

In case you’re wondering what happened to Keira Knightley’s career, you should read this interview, which pretty much sums it up.  I’ve read about ten interviews with Keira Knightly (yes, I’m pathetic), and she’s mentioned her struggle with fame in every single one.  Listen — I get it.  I understand that the paparazzi are disgusting vultures, and the tabloids have an excessive interest in the personal lives of celebrities.  But Knightly is complaining about being recognized by every day people in her interview, and not the paparazzi.  First of all, when you live in Los Angeles and see celebrities, I can promise you that no one bothers them.  Second, part of this comes with the territory.  And lastly, if you are only acting because you love the craft, then take the large sum of money you’ve earned from your Pirates movies and retire to theater where you’ll be less talked about but more appreciated.  Otherwise, act a little happier in interviews.