Only Donald Trump would score one his greatest All-Stars of all time and then fire him to prove a point. It’s astounding, especially considering that it’s a bad ratings move. When I first saw that Trump had an all-star cast, I naturally assumed I’d see the return of Piers Morgan, John Rich, and Joan Rivers. Instead, he landed most of his losers and insulted the only guy with drawing power. Furthermore, when an entire task is predicated on a celebrity’s fundraising Rolodex, it makes for boring television. Most of the donating stars don’t show up on television, and the show becomes a waiting game for the final money-count. What made Bret Michaels a badass wasn’t his ability to garner money, it was his intelligence and creative choices on each task. To deprive me of watching him at his best is infuriating. Watch the new-season trailer below.
Author: The Dishmaster
Is Seth MacFarlane a Misogynist? Hollywood Hypocrisy Hits a High Note
Equal opportunity offenders always get a pass. The reason? Because if you offend everyone, then it’s clear your heart isn’t actually advocating the joke. But it seems most news outlets have forgotten that Seth MacFarlane took universal digs during his gig as Oscar host, and they are only focusing on his misogyny, most notably his “boobs” song and dance, and his dig at Adele’s weight. As for the Jews? Well, who really cares that he made an anti-Semitic joke when he disrespected women, right?
As a woman, allow me to say that my panties are not in a knot. Hollywood women are notorious for overtly sexualizing themselves on every magazine cover, and constantly consenting to gratuitous on-screen nudity. If you want equality, then act equal. Don’t spread your legs on a Maxim cover and then ask for MacFarlane’s respect. Furthermore, lighten up.
Celebrity News Rundown — Weekly Gossipy Greatness
 |
- Anne Hathaway might have “thrown a fit” over Amanda Seyfried’s matching Oscar dress. Dlisted
- Rachel McAdams & Michael Sheen split. ET Online
- Christian Slater is engaged. Showbiz Spy
- Carmen Electra wants to adopt. Exposay
- Michelle Williams & Jason Segel broke up. Refinery 29
- Andy Samberg is engaged. TV Guide
- Holly Madison plans to eat her placenta. Huffington Post
- Adrienne Maloof skipped her Real Housewives reunion. TMZ
- Michael Jordan is getting married. Radar Online
- Olivia Wilde thinks she’s funny. Just Jared
- Rihanna can’t stop talking about Chris Brown. PopEater
- Ben Aflleck’s little daughter got scared of the paparazzi. Wet Paint
- Tori Spelling is unhappy about divorce rumors. SheKnows
- Britney Spears’ sister is engaged. Socialite Life
- Charlie Sheen is Lindsay Lohan’s mentor. W.E.N.N
Bloomberg Bans Soda — Attack-On-The-Fat
Once upon a time, I lived with a certain individual that asked me to remove candy from our apartment. She insisted the temptation was too much, and asked me to respect that our different metabolisms meant she could not engage in my habits. I thought long and hard about the request, and I chose to keep the candy. Why should I forgo my indulgence for someone who over-indulges?
When Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced his plan to limit the size of soft drinks sold in restaurants, movie theaters, stadiums and arenas to no more than 16 ounces a cup in a bid to fight obesity, I thought of my former living-mate. I also thought of 1984, a tedious high-school book I read that now seems to be a greater reality. Orwell would be outraged.
While I’m not opposed paternalism, it sure as hell better work. And limiting soft drinks only punishes small businesses and consumers like myself while doing nothing about obesity. I like my big coke at the theater, and since I only drink it once a month, I’d like the government to back off. Furthermore, what about those cheesy nachos? Are those next?
Yahoo Nixes Home-Work — Employees Return to the Office
According to a newly leaked memo, Yahoo! has nixed it’s work-from-home flexibility, and employees are now forced to return to the office, regardless of outside issues, including family obligations. The move has sparked controversy, given the current rise in telecommuting and the endless studies on how working from home actually increases productivity, rather than decreasing it.
Allow me to take this opportunity to monologue about why Yahoo!’s choice is enraging. First, the only reason to work at the office is to cater to a micro-managing boss. Second, 89% of all office meetings are for the purpose of pow-wowing about nonsense instead of churning out change (see The Dishmaster for more baseless statistics). Third, if I have to go to a gynocologist for a standard pap smear, I should not have to justify my office departure with a sick day (see The Dishmaster’s guide to talking to your boss about vagina checkups for more information). Lastly, I’ve worked for a corporate monster, and 78% of all employees are miserable, mostly because they feel as if they are in prison for eight hours per day. And misery DOES NOT increase productivity. Flexibility creates happiness, and happiness increases productivity. It appears that the age-old I-have-diarrhea excuse will soon make a comeback.
NOTE TO ALL READERS OF THE DISHMASTER: Feel free to share my article with your boss, especially if your boss works at Yahoo!
The New Yorker Defends Anne Hathaway. #WTF
A writer by the name of Sasha Weiss took the time to write a ridiculous piece defending Anne Hathaway by explaining why she’s unlikable, and it nearly made my head explode. According to Weiss, the public dislikes her because “she represents the archetype of the happy girl, which is one that many people resist.” There are also other ludicrous explanations that I cannot repeat for fear that I’ll become physically ill. I resent the implication that the public likes to take “happy-girls” down a peg.
If Ms. Weiss is reading this, I’d like to educate her on the true reason for the public’s dislike. Hathaway appears inauthentic, insincere, and disingenuous. The public likes authenticity, and that’s why Jennifer Lawrence has become so popular. You cannot fake these things. If you practiced your Oscar speech in front of a mirror your entire life, then it will appear canned — as it did. Furthermore, who on earth would think it’s okay to utter something as pretentious as “Here’s hoping that someday in the not too distant future the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories and never in real life.”
Anne Hathaway Addresses Haters — “They’re Anti-Matter”
Quote of the Day: Angelica Huston Talks Jack Nicholson Love Affair
“Jack is someone I’ve adored in my life and will continue to love forever. I don’t take him lightly. As it happens, we had a really lovely conversation on the phone yesterday—a conversation that started off a little bumpy and wound up just completely wonderful. That’s a real relationship. Real relationships have continuity, and Jack and I have a deep abiding love and affection for each other. I’m proud that we’ve gotten through some very tough times together.” Angelica Huston, on her on-off relationship with Jack Nicholson whom she dated for 16 years.
To read the rest of her interview with The Saturday Evening Post, click HERE
Mike Doughty Releases “Sunshine” Video — WATCH
There’s no bigger fan of Mike Doughty than The Dishmaster. His cool-guy sensibility is unmatched, and so is his unique voice. Watch his video for “Sunshine” below, in which, to quote Doughty himself, he “duets with the ghostly voice of John Denver.”