The Secretariat is performing poorly at the box office, and I can’t help but wonder how many more horse films Hollywood will churn out before someone learns a lesson. Sure they get a lot of critical praise, but the public at large doesn’t relate, and the ticket receipts reflect that. Remember Seabiscuit? For the amount of critical praise it received, you would think that the film would have earned twice as much as it cost. It didn’t. Why? — Because no one wants to see a horse movie. And what about The Horse Whisperer? Yes it made a respectable amount of money, but it under performed. There’s only one movie which involved horses that I thoroughly enjoyed, and it’s not National Velvet. It was a little movie called Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken. Anyone heard of it?
Author: The Dishmaster
Jersey Shore Cast-Members Get a Spin-Off — Bad Idea MTV
Apparently, everyone except MTV knows that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Both Pauly D and Snooki are getting spin-offs, which pretty much guarantees the death of the Jersey Shore franchise. I’m sure that the neanderthal creative executives over at MTV think this is a great idea. After all, if you have one massive hit, why not split it up and turn into three massive hits? Unfortunately, this will only water-down the show and kill it early. Jersey Shore is capable of at least two more great seasons, and MTV should maximize what’s left, by putting out a couple more great seasons, and keeping the cast-members underground to prevent over-exposure. Plus, if you kill my favorite show, what will I watch on television to relax my brain after a hard day’s work?
Denise Richards Will Write a Book — Can Celebs Stick to Their Craft?
Denise Richards is “writing” an auto-biography about her life, and I’m officially petitioning for a moratorium on celebrity books. I realize its an easy way to make money, but it’s time for celebrities to stick to their specific craft. I’m fuzzy as to what Denise Richards’ “craft” is, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with a Neve Campbell makeout session. More importantly, I’m against auto-biographies in general. They are just masturbatory monologues told from the biased perspective of the author. Unless someone else is tattling on your deviant behavior, I’m not interested.
Actors Who Turn Down Hit Roles — The Occupational Hazard
JOHN TRAVOLTA — Richard Gere might want to send John Travolta a bouquet of flowers for his career. Gere snatched up four major roles Travolta turned down. Those include: An Officer and a Gentleman, Days of Heaven, American Gigolo, and Chicago. Travolta was once asked if regretted turning down those roles, and he said, “not every movie I make has to be a hit.” If I were Travolta, I might say, “yes, and if you notice that my manager mysteriously disappeared, don’t come looking for me.”
ROB LOWE — Rob Lowe turned down Patrick Dempsey’s role in Grey’s Anatomy, and unlike John Travolta, Lowe willingly admits his mistake. He said, “I coulda been McDreamy! It’s an occupational hazard. It happens to everybody. The great thing is that Patrick Dempsey is so great in that part and he’s such a great actor. If I’d have done that I wouldn’t be doing this great part and having this fun on Brothers And Sisters. It all works out.” The irony of that quote is that Lowe eventually left Brothers And Sisters amidst speculation that he hoped to be more of a leading man. He also left The West Wing during the height of its success, in favor of The Lyon’s Den, which was canceled after just six episodes. Perhaps the ensemble cast is the way to go, after all.
MARY LOUISE PARKER — Mary Louise Parker turned down Teri Hatcher’s role in Desperate Housewives. While promoting Weeds on The View, the panel of yentas asked Parker if she regrets her decision, and she simply said, “no, it wasn’t my role.” She was then accosted with the same question fifty more times. Parker held firm, and repeated that “it wasn’t [her] role.” The truth is, this really did work out for everyone involved. What would Weeds be without Mary Louise Parker?
DENZEL WASHINGTON — Denzel’s career has taken a bit of a beating in recent years. But then again, so has Hollywood in general. He admitted in an interview that he turned down the role in I, Robot, which later went to Will Smith. Personally, I didn’t like the film, but it made a killing at the box-office.
WILL SMITH — I’m closing this post with Will Smith, who might be guilty of the worst choice in movie history. He turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix, in favor of Wild Wild West. Enough said.
Katherine Heigl Addresses her “Image Problems” — Handles it Well
Katherine Heigl addressed her image problems head-on, while promoting her new film. Though I’ve picked on Heigl for “biting the hand that feeds her,” I think her response shows that she’s on the right track. The truth is that most of what she said in the press was correct. It all started with Grey’s Anatomy, when Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight a faggot on set, and the creators brushed it aside, leaving Knight to handle the media bedlam on his own. Heigl bashed both the show and Washington, in defense of her best friend. She scored major points with me for doing so, and then quickly squandered my support when she publicly discussed her contract negotiation with Grey’s Anatomy, saying that she called it off because “she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved.” Everyone knows that you don’t publicly discuss your contract — it’s unprofessional. To make matters worse, she took herself out of the Emmys, because she didn’t feel that the writing was good enough to warrant an award. Again, it’s not the best idea to insult your writers, especially since writer fatigue is common on a long-running show, and an actor can’t expect great material for five seasons straight. She also called Knocked-Up ” sexist,” which didn’t sit well with Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow, who later bashed her on Howard Stern. Personally, I thought the movie was sexist, but it’s not exactly a press-friendly statement. So here’s the moral of the Katherine Heigl story — sometimes she’s right and sometimes she’s not. If the girl could just reign it in a little, instead of becoming a robot that churns out the stereotypical answers in interviews (which I predict we will start to see), she’ll be just fine. Watch her discuss the issue below.
Dear Howard Stern — Fire Your Programmer
It’s bad enough that Howard Stern spends his entire life on vacation. It’s even worse that while he is on vacation, he chooses to play “Howard Stern’s Worst Shows Ever,” for the entire week. Yesterday he played the “Peacock Years,” which is basically his shitty radio show during his NBC years. Even Stern himself has admitted that his early shows were terrible, so you would think he would play more recent shows while he’s on vacation. The man is the King of all celebrity interviews, yet he never airs “the greatest Howard Stern interviews of all-time.” Instead, I’m forced to listen to these torturous shows. His voice isn’t even the same. He used to alter it, and it sounds unbearably nasally. To make matters worse, when I switch to his other channel, I’m forced to listen to the other shitty radio hosts that were hand-picked by Stern. Translation? — I’m screwed. Either give your other channel to a decent radio host (like Adam Carolla) or give me another option for your show.
Courtney Love “Accidentally” Posts Naked Photo on Twitter — Removes Account
Remember my post below about celebrities that should not make the press for their bad behavior? That applies everyone except Courtney Love, whose bad behavior is just so original and interesting. Courtney Love posted a naked picture of herself on twitter, and the blogosphere erupted with very mean comments about how terrible she looks. Ordinarily I would feel sorry for her, but she really did look terrible. If you’re going to post a naked picture, you might as well ensure that you have the proper lighting, because just about everyone can look good in the dark — trust me, I know. Love’s excuse? She “accidentally” posted the picture, and it was really intended for her boyfriend. I would first like to advise Courtney that even your boyfriend deserves good lighting and the proper angle. I’d also like to point out that her excuse is terrible. She clearly has “poster’s remorse.” Also — please come back to twitter — your antics are welcome.
Breaking News: I Don’t Care About Lindsay Lohan
With the news that Lindsay Lohan is “doing well” at her fifth try at rehab, I’d like to officially proclaim that this is my last post dedicated exclusively to her. I would also like to politely ask the Hollywood media to start actually reporting on Hollywood, instead of washed-up actors that are only making the papers because of their bad behavior. It’s true that the girl has a considerable amount of decent movies under her belt at a young age (Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, and Mean Girls), and I appreciate that she’s actually famous for something, unlike Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, who are famous for nothing. Having said that, it’s been a full six years since she’s had a quality role, and until then, I’m declaring a moratorium on Lohan coverage. That includes every Lohan, such as her parents (Michael and Dina Lohan), who are equally guilty for capitalizing on their daughter’s fame. Celebrities should not make money off their terrible behavior. So when Lohan exits rehab and starts selling pictures for thousands of dollars of her “reformed self,” I encourage everyone not to look at them. I will try my best to adhere to my own rule. I’ve posted a very old picture of Lindsay on the right, to remember the days when she was promoting something positive.
Did Jon Stewart Defend Rick Sanchez?
If I wasn’t in love with Jon Stewart before, I certainly am now. After Rick Sanchez was fired from CNN I was curious if Stewart would dance on his career grave. Instead, he handled the situation with the utmost tact, and even helped Sanchez in the process. Stewart suggested that “he’s not even sure Sanchez believed what he was saying,” and then played clips of Sanchez discussing his intolerance for bigots. He closed with the statement, “Sanchez — consider yourself unbusted.” I agree with Stewart’s intimation that Sanchez’s diarrhea of the mouth was more about stupidity than any kind of prejudice against Jews. That being said, CNN should have a higher standard for their “journalists.”
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Hurty Sanchez | ||||
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It’s Official: Lisa Rinna Fixed Her Upper Lip
Though I picked on Lisa Rinna in the previous post, I actually like Lisa Rinna. Unlike many Hollywood celebrities, she owns her flaws, and has a good sense of humor about herself. I know this because she often appears on Howard Stern, and when Stern makes fun of her she laughs it off in stride. During her last appearance, he inquired about the status of her upper lip, and she said she has been trying to fix it for years. Apparently, Rinna injected silicone into her lip before modern medicine came up with a better solution, and she has been unable to fix it ever since. On her new reality show, Harry Loves Lisa, she was taped at the doctor’s office, where she tried to reverse the effects. Judging from the picture to the right, it worked. Congratulations to Lisa Rinna for no longer having butt cheeks on her face. Alright, that was mean. I like her — I swear I do.