Author: The Dishmaster

Harry Hamlin & Lisa Rinna’s Store Robbed? — I Smell a Rat

Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin have officially proven why they quit acting in favor of reality television.  While promoting their new reality show, Harry Loves Lisa, Hamlin answered his cell phone mid-interview, to reveal that their clothing store, Belle Gray, had been robbed.  Lisa feigns shock, in what might be the worst acting job I’ve ever seen.  My guess is that their store was actually robbed recently, and they thought it might be good for their show to act as if the robbing occurred during the interview.  After all, isn’t it defamation to mention a security company by name as being “terrible?”  But then again — all press is good press.  Watch below.

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Celebrities that Reveal Too Much About Their Relationship

Many celebrities love to talk about their relationships in the press, presumably because if your significant other is famous, it’s two for the price of one, which basically guarantees a tabloid mention.  Below are a list of culprits.

Vanessa Minnillo & Nick Lachey — In a recent interview with Parade Magazine Vanessa Minnillo said that she and Nick Lachey shower together twice a day, because they like to talk while they are “soaping up and doing their hair.”  Call me a killjoy, but is there anything interesting about the thought of these two gossiping in the shower like school-girls? Some things are better kept in the relationship vault.

Hilary Swank — Hilary Swank exposed Chad Lowe’s drug addiction to Vanity Fair after they divorced. Lowe wasn’t pleased with her disclosure, saying he was “disappointed that the details of [his] relationship became public.” But that wasn’t the first time Swank revealed unnecessary relationship details. When discussing her new boyfriend, she said that she often walks around naked in front of his six year old son. Perhaps she can join Nick and Vanessa in the shower.

Angelina Jolie — You would think that Angelina Jolie learned her lesson after carrying around Billy Bob Thornton’s vile of blood. Though she’s tempered the crazy, she still discusses her relationship in the press. Her most abhorrent disclosure involves Brad Pitt, when she said she would love for her children to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith because, “not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love.” The problem? — Pitt was married to Jennifer Aniston during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Aniston was unaware of their connection. Aniston later said that it was “completely uncool” for Angelina to discuss it, and then retracted her statement after it caused a press frenzy.

Leann Rimes — Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian cheated on their spouses with each other, and both enjoy publicizing their relationship on twitter. Why? — Because if you’re going to cheat on your husband or wife, why not rub it in?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Says Football Commercials Aren’t “Family Friendly” — Isn’t the Game Worse?

On today’s episode of The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck complained about the inappropriate commercials that air during football, because she likes to watch the game with her young children.  Nothing pleases me more than picking on Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who unequivocally supports the Republican party, no matter what the issue.   As Jon Stewart said during his infamous Crossfire interview, that kind of mentality is “bad for America.”  Having explained my bias, I will now begin my Hasselbeck attack.  No commercial is more violent or disturbing for a young child than the game of football itself.  Perhaps she should ban her young children from watching the giant men in tights crash into each other instead of worrying about Viagra commercials.  Watch her explanation below at the 21 minute mark.

Dear Glee, Stop the Tributes

If you have watched Glee since the beginning, you would know that the show used to actually have a plot.  Because it exploded in popularity, Ryan Murphy (the creator) started to do tributes, such as Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Britney Spears.  Though I support anything related to Britney Spears, the tributes have drastically watered-down the plot, which has now become secondary to the music.  Sure, the music is great, but even Broadway musicals have story-lines.  Rumor has it that a Bruce Springsteen tribute is next, and I’m already bored.  It’s time to get back to the writing.

Mariah Carey’s Image — What Went Wrong

I’ve always been a huge Mariah Carey fan, not only because of her voice, but also because of her personality.  She seemed to be the only major superstar that was down to earth.  You would never know that information though, based on her recent image in the press.  Ever since she married Nick Cannon, she’s become an inaccessible caricature of herself.  She recently slipped at a concert and arrived at the airport in a wheelchair.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she had handlers spritzing her with Evian water too.  Rumor has it she’s pregnant, which might explain the wheelchair, but if I were representing her, I would advise her to tweet something self-deprecating about it.  Otherwise, she looks like a strange diva that needs to be wrangled.  There are also many stories in the press about her insane entourage, and she often admits to it with a laugh.  I’m sick of it.  Watch a vintage interview with Mariah below, so you can see what I mean about being down to earth.  She discusses her divorce from Tommy Mattola with Barbara Walters.  It’s time for a new Barbara Walters interview.

Movie Review: The Town

This is one of the best films I’ve seen in a long time.  The film follows Doug MacRay (Ben Affleck), who heads up a four person bank robbery team. They rob a bank, and MacRay follows one of the hostages after she’s released, to ensure she won’t talk to the FBI. They end up dating, and she has no idea that Affleck is the man responsible for her personal nightmare. He wants to “go straight,” which proves impossible.  His love interest is played by Rebecca Hall, and I’m uncertain that the film would have survived without her performance. She blew me away. As for Affleck, I think this is the first role of his that I’ve really enjoyed since Good Will Hunting. This is actually the third film he’s directed, though the press says it’s his second. Even Affleck admits that he’s so embarrassed by his directing debut, he’d like to forget about it entirely. I think it’s important to admit his learning curve, because directors don’t make movies like this right out of the gate.

Eight Best Celebrities to Have Coffee With

When I first launched this blog, a very close friend of mine accused me of secretly hoping it would take off and make me millions. When I insisted that was not in fact my motivation, he scoffed sarcastically, and we haven’t spoken since. I stewed about it for days, wondering what my real blogging fantasy actually was. After much self-reflection and many thoughts about how to kill my friend, I discovered my real motivation — coffee with celebrities, of course! There are many people I admire, and would love to have a sit-down conversation with. The people below are at the top of the list. Enjoy!

BILL CLINTON — I have already had the honor of meeting President Clinton, but I’d like another shot. When we met, he politely tried to engage me in conversation, and I froze like a fish stick in my freezer. At the end of my excessive nodding and smiling, President Clinton said, “it was very nice meeting you,” and I replied, “me too.” That doesn’t even make sense! Perhaps with coffee in hand it might go better next time around. I sure do have a lot of questions.

PAUL McCARTNEY — McCartney has always been my favorite Beatle. He never tires of discussing The Beatles, and his live shows are still just as great as they always were. Even though he’s already been asked every great question under the sun, I’d like to think I have some new ones. Plus, I’d like to hang out with the guy.

BRIAN WILSON — I’ve seen Brian Wilson around Los Angeles, and I always wanted to walk right up to him to tell him how much I liked his album, Smile, and then ask, “don’t you want to strangle Mike Love?” I haven’t had the guts as of yet. Plus, I might ask to go into a recording studio with him — just to watch a genius at work.

DAVID LETTERMAN — He’s always been my favorite late night host, and with every page I read from The Late Shift, I find myself loving him even more. I’d have coffee with Letterman under the condition that he answer all my hard-hitting questions about Jay Leno. He’s made his dislike very clear, but he’s never answered detailed questions about what went down when Carson left. I would promise not to ask about his affairs though, because that’s nowhere near as interesting as the late night feud. Actually, this is my fantasy, so I can just ask about both. We’ll have to order a lot of coffee.

HOWARD STERN — Howard Stern and I are kindred spirits. He grew up with a domineering Jewish mother from Long Island, New York, and he is excessively neurotic. His greatest strength is interviewing, but he has yet to answer the hard-hitting questions that he asks his guests daily. He’s never really discussed the breakdown of his marriage, despite him discussing just about everything else on “The History of Howard Stern.” When he initially divorced, his ratings suffered, yet he’s never brought it up in the context of the show. I am confident I could get it out of him. If you don’t like Howard Stern, I would encourage you to listen to his show. Whenever I hear someone bash him, it’s clear they are regurgitating media crud, instead of actually giving an informed opinion. He’s fantastic.

JUDD HIRSCH — Judd is one of my all-time favorite actors. His most notable role is on Taxi, which I grew up watching on Nick at Nite. I fantasized about being a Taxi driver, and when I told my father, he wasn’t pleased. I also saw Judd Hirsch in Art, where he was just as good as his Taxi days. I thought of the many actors I could have picked for this post, and I just can’t think of anyone more interesting then Judd Hirsch.

BARBARA WALTERS — There’s no one else that I wanted to emulate more than Barbara Walters. I wanted to do interviews, and she’s the master. She once interviewed Angelina Jolie after her Billy Bob Thornton divorce, and when Walters asked Angelina what went wrong, Angelina said that “there are two people involved, and there are things I can’t say out of respect for the other person.” Barbara didn’t miss a beat, and said, “tell me what you can say.” Angelina then unloaded. No other interviewer could have been so crafty. In my fantasy, it’s me doing the interviewing, and Babs is the one crying. She’ll then give me all her interviewing secrets, and ABC will hire me to do their Oscar specials since the slot is now open.

LORNE MICHAELS — Lorne Michaels is the Tony Soprano of comedy. All comedians dream of appearing on Saturday Night Live, and the decision starts and ends with Lorne Michaels. He’s been known to randomly fire people, presumably because he no longer thinks they’re funny. The guy even fired Adam Sandler from the show, with no explanation. Lorne is also the guy that suggested Conan O’Brien to take over for David Letterman, after Letterman left for CBS. He can clearly spot talent. So why does he make my list? Because I want to gossip with him about every single person that appeared on Saturday Night Live. What’s the dirt, Lorne?

That’s it for now. I’m sure I’ll update this list as time passes. If any reader out there knows any of these people, and would like to forward this along, be my guest. I’ll buy you a coffee for the hookup.

Rick Sanchez on Jon Stewart: “Jews Are Not Minorities”

May I start this post by saying that I’ve always hated Rick Sanchez, and this provides the perfect opportunity for me to vent my outrage?  Oh yeah — and I’m a Jew.  In an interview with Pete Dominick, Rick Sanchez unloaded on Jon Stewart.  The fight started because Stewart often picks on CNN’s Sanchez, and Sanchez accused Stewart of bigotry for doing so.  Why?  Because Sanchez is latino, and Stewart “grew up in a suburban middle class New Jersey home with everything you could ever imagine.”  When Dominick pointed out that Stewart is himself a minority, and therefore subject to prejudice, Sanchez sarcastically said, “everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they — the people in this country who are Jewish — are an oppressed minority? Yeah.”  First of all, I grew up watching Rick Sanchez on my local Miami news station, and I found him to be a prick then, as I do now.  Second, it’s disgusting to suggest that Jews are not minorities, and that “he can’t see somebody not getting a job somewhere because they’re Jewish.” Perhaps we should trade looks for a day and compare bigotry — just for shits and giggles.  Lastly, Rick Sanchez is a prick.  Did I mention that?

UPDATE: Rick Sanchez was fired.  It must be because of all those Jews at CNN, right Sanchez?  Listen below to hear his original comments.

Underrated Movie of the Week: ‘Management’

People often accuse Jennifer Aniston of being a one-dimensional actress.  The truth is, she’s starred in many films that add to her acting resume, but they just don’t garner the same type of attention.  One of those movies includes the underrated film, Management, starring Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn (one of my favorite actors).  The movie is about a sales executive (Aniston) who ends up staying at a dumpy hotel for the night, where she meets a loser that works there (Zahn).  Zahn courts Aniston, and if it were anyone but Zahn playing the role, his character would have come off as a crazy stalker. The plot takes some strange and unpredictable turns throughout the film, but you’ll just have to rent it.

Did You Know: George Clooney’s Ex-Wife is Married to John Slattery?

When I first read that John Slattery’s current wife was once married to George Clooney, I thought: “does the woman have a golden p***y!?  I apologize for the vulgar language, but hopefully my sneaking suspicion is correct, and my father doesn’t actually read my blog.  Anyways, Clooney and Balsam were married for three years.  When once asked about his divorce, Clooney said,

[Talia] was the girl I chased and was in love with, the girl I always wanted to marry. I was 28, and in Kentucky when you get to be that age, you’re supposed to get married, and you know exactly what the marriage should be like. I had this image of marriage. When ours didn’t exactly fit that image, I thought it didn’t work. I wasn’t very bright about it. We had to reconstruct our marriage a little bit, and I wasn’t willing to do that. I walked away. I could have been scared. Maybe I wasn’t ready to be married. It was my fault all the way down the line.

Talia, insists that they maintain a “cordial relationship.” In fact, the three of them are so cordial that George Clooney produced the show, K Street, which starred John Slattery, and Talia appeared in four episodes.  Now that’s some healthy ex-files.  Talia has since played Roger Sterling’s wife, Mona Sterling, on Mad Men.