Author: The Dishmaster

Celebrity Look-Alikes: Tony Curtis and Ray Liotta

I’ve learned a couple of things about Tony Curtis since his recent death.  First, I learned he’s Jamie Lee Curtis’ father (which I am embarrassed to admit I never knew).  Second, I learned that he bears a striking resemblance to Ray Liotta.  Sure I’m bad at the look-alike game, but I’ve Googled this one and at least three people on the internet agree.  That counts for something!  If you have never seen a Tony Curtis movie, I would encourage you to rent Some Like it Hot.

UPDATE: Roger Ebert wrote a very beautiful tribute to Tony Curtis on his website.  Here’s my favorite line: “The thing about Curtis was, here was a truly great star, a legend, who had a big libido but not a big ego.”

Movieline Attacks John Slattery — Back-Off!

I am an avid reader of Movieline, and I notice that they have recently shifted focus and become a bit of a high-school bully. First they called Jennifer Aniston “box-office poision,” which I proved in a previous post is unequivocally false. Now they have gratuitously attacked one of my favorite actors, John Slattery. In reference to Slattery’s new gig as the spokesperson for Ford Motor Company, Movieline said that it’s good for Slattery, but bad for Ford, since Slattery is only known for his unlikable character on Mad Men.  First of all, John Slattery is most known as the politician from Sex and the City (at least in my world, anyways).  I’d buy just about anything from someone that starred alongside my beloved Carrie Bradshaw.  Also, I ran into John Slattery at a bar in Los Angeles once, and he watched my belongings while I went to the restroom.  In Hollywood, that’s equivalent to saving a puppy from drowning in a river.  So yeah — I love him.

Jenny McCarthy on Oprah — Says a Whole Lot of Nothing

Oprah has once again scored the less famous half of a Hollywood couple (or ex-couple).  Jenny McCarthy appeared on Oprah to promote her new book, Love Lust & Faking It, and Oprah predictably asked about her break-up with Jim Carrey.  I’d love to summarize what McCarthy said, but it’s impossible.  I’ve posted the video below, and you can figure it out for yourself.  She did seem to imply that she dumped Carrey though, which may or may not have been beneficial for Carrey’s career.  McCarthy often discussed their relationship in interviews, which peeved me.  A-listers should remain private, and piercing the Hollywood veil damages the necessary mystique.  Let’s hope that Jim gets back to his comedic roles.  I miss him.

Bruno Tonioli Won’t Apologize to Michael Bolton

Dancing With the Stars judge, Bruno Tonioli, told Michael Bolton that his dance was the worst “jive in the history of the show.”  The comment was so biting that even Len Goodman told Tonioli to “keep some opinions to himself.”  Bolton wasn’t pleased, and he demanded an apology.  The producers have come to Tonioli’s defense, saying, Bruno’s job is to give his “honest opinions.”  Here’s my question: is Bruno’s job also to be an asshole?  Perhaps he should do his own ballroom dance, considering that he has never danced ballroom in his life.  In fact, both he and Carrie Ann Inaba have absolutely zero ballroom experience, which leads me to believe they only got the job because everyone thought the show would be a dud, and those two were the best of the worst.  Furthermore, the essence of the show is to take regular people and make them dancers.  Of course they are going to struggle.  That doesn’t mean that you should throw tomatoes at them.

Britney Spears’ Glee Episode — Who is Heather Morris?

On last night’s Britney/Brittany episode of Glee, I noticed the stand-out dance performance of Heather Morris, so I decided to look her up and find out her story.  I was shocked to discover that she’s actually a professional dancer, and she performed with Beyonce at the Grammys as one of her Single Ladies.  Considering there were only three Single Ladies in total (including Beyonce herself) that’s a pretty huge accomplishment.  Apparently, she got the role on Glee because Ryan Murphy asked her to teach the Single Ladies choreography to the Glee cast, and he liked her so much, he hired her for the show.  She’s been saying quirky one-liners ever since, while patiently waiting for her chance to strut her stuff.  Last night was her chance, and she certainly took advantage of it.  Overall, the episode was fantastic.  My only complaint was that the men sang Stronger instead of Oops I Did It Again, but you can’t have everything.  My favorite line in the episode was said by Heather Morris, when she touched a fellow student’s nappy hair and said, “it looks like a Jewish cloud.”  To watch Heather Morris perform single ladies with Beyonce at the Grammys, watch the video below.

‘Sister Wives’ Family Investigated — Can They Arrest TLC instead?

The stars of TLC’s new show, Sister Wives, are being investigated by Utah police for polygamy, and hopefully they will be thrown in jail.  But what about TLC?  Is it possible to throw an entire network in jail?  If so, I’d like front row seats for the handcuffing.  While I’m not opposed to documentary-style shows, I draw a line in the sand at shows like this.  It’s gross.  And even if I’m guilty of voyeuristically watching it (which I’m not), that doesn’t make it right.  It’s disgusting, and should be pulled off the air.  Network executives don’t get to high-five each other with a ratings hit, when the their hit show documents morally reprehensible behavior.  And save your emails about moral relativism.  Some things are objectively wrong, and this is one of them.  I’d justify my claim with an actual argument, but that would be a boring waste of breath.  Trust me — it’s gross.

Oprah Interviews Oksana — When Did Oprah Become a Tabloid?

I don’t know when Oprah shifted gears and became the National Enquirer, but it’s time to class-up the show again.  Oprah plans to interview Mel Gibson’s former mistress, Oksana Grigorieva, presumably to confirm that Mel Gibson is psychotic.  This isn’t the first time Oprah has interviewed a mistress.  She also interviewed John Edwards’ baby mama about their affair.  In case you missed that Rielle Hunter interview, I can personally confirm that she also drank the crazy juice.  Who’s next — Rachel Uchitel?  The only reason these people are famous is because of who they slept with, so unless Oprah plans on interviewing the actual celebrity involved in the affair, I’m not interested.

Lone Star Gets Canceled — Here’s What Went Wrong

I read a very entertaining Daily Beast interview with Kyle Killen, the creator of the recently canceled Fox show, Lone Star.  He hoped the interview would help keep the show on the air.  It didn’t work.  Fox canceled it after just two episodes.  Killen intrigued me enough to HULU the show, and I figured out the problem within the first fifteen minutes.  The main character isn’t likable.  He’s a con man with two wives, and he loves them both, and hopes to leave the business and “go straight.”  The premise is flawed.  You can’t have an unlikable main character, unless he’s a “crook with a heart.”  But where’s the heart in loving two women?  Is he a Mormon?  Here’s how it should have been written: He should have had the two wives, but loved only one of them, with the other one unlikable.  That way we know where his heart is, yet there would still be some juicy plot entanglement with the unlikable woman.  Furthermore, the lead was a miscast.  He’s far too young to pull off the double wife look.  You can see his picture, along with the “wives,” below.  Personally, I would have cast James Tupper.  Perhaps I’ll get a call from the writer’s room next time around — a girl can dream.

Attention Hollywood — Stop Making Shows About Twitter

Sure twitter is interesting when it’s three in the morning and I’m suffering from insomnia.  But when I exit cube-dom at the end of the day and turn on my television, I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less than watch a show about Twitter.  The new concept is called Shh, Don’t Tell Steve, and it’s based on the somewhat entertaining tweets of a man about the ridiculous happenings of his roommate. Can’t the Hollywood creanderthals think of anything more interesting?  I realize that a person’s twitter page might be interesting, but then scoop up the tweeter as a writer, instead of actually making a show about the tweets itself.  What’s the next step?  A show about what it’s like to be a Starbucks barista, inspired by a creanderthal’s morning coffee run?  Oh that’s right — they don’t get their own coffee.

Robin Quivers Should Date Garry Shandling

We all know that my celebrity look-alike posts need some serious work.  But what about my celebrity match-making skills?  Well, here goes nothing.  Garry Shandling appeared on Howard Stern today to promote the Iron Man 2 DVD, and I noticed an interesting romantic connection between Shandling and Stern’s leading lady, Robin Quivers.  Shandling often tried to engage Quivers during the interview, and Stern predictably squashed the side-conversation, because he likes to dominate his interviews.  Shandling confessed that he’s never been married, but isn’t opposed to the idea.  Since Stern has been discussing a Bachelorette-style dating show for Quivers, perhaps Shandling will make the list.