Category: General

Phillip Phillips Throws Away Steven Tyler’s Scarf — NO!!!!!

Here at The Dishmaster, I try to abide by the long-standing principle, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” But today I will make an exception for Mr. Phillip Phillips, who quite possibly made the worst move in American Idol history. Allow me to explain. After Phillip Phillips’ performance, the judges commented on his grey-on-grey attire. Steven Tyler attempted to help him out by generously giving him his own scarf. So what did Phillips do with this valued possession? He threw it back into the audience to a group of screaming chicks! Excuse me!??? Doesn’t your father own a pawn shop!!!! The scarf belonged to Steven Tyler! He’s only one of the biggest legends in the history of music. He should have sold it and pocketed the money!! Who knows how long this American Idol fame will last?

Craig Bierko Interview — A Hot Actor With A Purpose

I’ve had a crush on Craig Bierko for many years, and then one day while ruminating on my Dishmaster greatness — it suddenly occurred to me. Why not commission him for an interview? After all, if I can’t use this blog to solicit interviews from hot men, then what good is it? My Bierko crush began during his guest-stint on Ally McBeal (my favorite show in history), and it was solidified by his appearance on Sex and the City (my second favorite show in history). While researching his very impressive resume, I discovered that he’s not only a talented actor, he’s also a giver (a standard I require from my future husbands). He’s been involved with the Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital Foundation for years, and if you’d like to join him in helping, just text “KIDS” to 27722, and you can automatically donate ten dollars to the hospital. It’s a pretty easy, charitable gesture. Did I mention he has great hair? Alright — enough drooling — enjoy the interview below.

You guest-starred on my two of my favorite shows. Do you still get recognized as “jazz man” — the guy who gave Carrie Bradshaw her most intense orgasm?

All the time.

Your scene in The Change Up was extremely disturbing, yet comedically brilliant. You stole the show. Did you break character while shooting?

Oh, God, yes.

I heard you trained as a boxer for Cinderella Man. Are there any dream roles you would like to play just to have an excuse to adopt another new skill? A ballet dancer, perhaps?

I would love to play “Max” without the burden of being the heavy. Baer was a uniquely charming, colorful personality, worthy of real attention.

You’ve said that most of the actors you’ve worked with seem mentally unbalanced. Is there a secret to maintaining your sanity in this industry? Does it have anything to do with living in New York instead of Los Angeles?

I think parenting is important. I was raised to value other people’s feelings as much as my own. Show business creates an illusion that the opposite is true, which leads to a great deal of unhappiness.

You’ve talked about the taxing hours of network television, but nothing can be worse than eight shows a week on Broadway. Do you have a preference?

No. I like to work. I’m always grateful about work.

Tell me about your work with the Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital Foundation.

I stumbled on them, really. Out of an obligation I visited the hospital, and that visit transformed me. I was ready to care about something, I suppose — and it would have been easy to move on — but I decided that this would be the corner of the world on whose behalf I would advocate. I shamelessly pimp my friends for benefits, and we just raised about 50 grand in a night, which will help pay for a new satellite pharmacy. It’s the greatest feeling to know you contributed to something like LLUCH.

I hear you’re technically a Jew. I need to know if this is true so I can take you home to my mother.

I am a very proud, totally non-practicing Jew.

You gave a very beautiful description of what it was like to sit at the Tony Awards with your mom when you were nominated for The Music Man. Were your parents always supportive of your pursuit of an entertainment career?

I lucked out, yeah. They never questioned it.

When you go to your grave, do you think you’ll be most proud of somehow convincing the esteemed John Malkovich to do an interview with you in Carrie Fisher’s bathtub? Does that beat your Tony nomination?

I found both experiences completely surreal, but as they were occurring they just felt like work. I hope I can look back and feel good about everything in that same way.

Robert De Niro Apologizes to Michelle Obama: Fire His Joke Writer?

Robert De Niro was forced to apologize for a joke I’m confident he didn’t write. The debacle began at a Democratic fundraiser when De Niro introduced the First Lady, saying, “Callista Gingrich, Karen Santorum, Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” Michelle Obama wasn’t pleased, calling his comment “inappropriate.” De Niro quickly apologized. Since this isn’t the first time De Niro has failed at joke-telling (see his Lifetime Achievement Award speech at the Golden Globes), I’m confident they aren’t his jokes he’s telling. He’s notorious for avoiding public appearances, and he rarely grants interviews. In fact, he only publicly promotes the films which he produces, because he has a financial stake in their success (see Meet the Fockers), and when he does — he never tells jokes. So what’s my point? I know he’s responsible for the joke-gone-wrong, but cut the guy some slack. Contrary to the barbs being thrown at him, sometimes a bad joke really is just a bad joke.

Rosie’s Goodbye Message — Takes Dig at Oprah’s Staff?

If there’s anything The Dishmaster is good at, it’s reading between the lines. And there’s something that stuck out in Rosie’s goodbye message explaining that there’s no bad blood with Oprah. She took responsibility for the show’s failure, saying that she shouldn’t have tried to copy her old show’s format, and that by the time she switched, it was just too late. Then she complimented Oprah’s staff (whom she had rumored disagreements with), but stuck a dig in there for good measure, saying, “It was a different show than what they were used to doing.” Yikes! Despite her attempts at good-will, I’m convinced there’s bad blood. When shows get canceled, fingers will inevitably be pointed in all directions. I doubt these two television titans will be having a ladies-lunch anytime soon.

Quote of the Day: Howard Stern v. Elle MacPherson: Why He Didn’t Call Her Out

“I personally felt it was stereotyping. You decide how you feel about her. I don’t always sit there and clobber somebody. It just didn’t seem appropriate at that point. She said it. That’s my job to open somebody up so you get to know them. Whether you like them or not is your decision.” Howard Stern, on his Elle MacPherson interview and why he didn’t jump on her when she called him “absolutely Jewish,” implying that he’s being an overprotective parent for asking whether her children mind seeing naked pictures of her on her wall.

Cee Lo Green Chooses Erin Martin — In a Pus*y-Fog?

When Cee Lo Green chose Erin Martin over The Shields Brothers, an online fury erupted accusing Green of making his decision based on Martin’s looks. Though I’d love to agree, I would have sent both those clowns home. Erin Martin made my ears bleed, and The Shields Brothers seem like a washed up 80’s band that you’d see in the background of The Wedding Singer. I think it’s fair to say that Cee Lo will not be winning this season of The Voice.

Quote of the Day: Howard Stern on Leah Remini : “Stop Whining Like a B*tch”

“Stop whining like a bitch. You really think Sharon Osbourne had the clout to get you fired if you were really that great a talent on that show? The network executives want to make money, that’s all they care about. They don’t listen to Sharon Osbourne. Leah Remini’s out of her fu*king mind. The only one that was the ear of the network is Julie Chen because she’s married to Les Moonves. Leah Remini should man up. Stop blaming everybody. We’re entertainers. We’re disposable. When one of us drops dead they stick another one in, and they f*ck you over. Get over it. You got yourself fired. You didn’t light the world on fire.” Howard Stern on Leah Remini’s assertion that Sharon Osbourne got her fired from The Talk, and her Stern-related-tweets about Stern’s interview with Sharon Osbourne.

Cee Lo Green on Adam Levine’s Fragrance: “It Should Smell Jewish” — Anti-Semitic?

I will keep this as short as possible, because the Jewish Dishmaster is exhausted from having to explain why these types of comments are inappropriate. When asked by Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live what Adam Levine’s fragrance should smell like, Green said, “It should smell Jewish.” If Levine was asked about Green’s fragrance, and Levine said, “It should smell black,” a firestorm would erupt. Furthermore, take a moment to define someone by something other than their color or religion. For example, If I were asked the same question about Adam Levine, I would have responded with, “It should smell douchey.”


Oasis’ Noel Gallagher Throws Stuff at Cows — Gigantic Douchebag?

The greatest move Liam Gallagher ever made was kicking his brother, Noel Gallagher, out of his band. Why? Because for so many years Noel managed to fool the public into thinking that Liam is the douchebag. As it turns out, it’s Noel. In a recent interview, Noel discussed his excitement about taking his kids to Ireland, saying, “At my grandma’s [home] in Mayo we’d run around throwing stuff at cows. See, we don’t get cows in Manchester, so if you see one you just throw stuff at them. I’m looking forward to bringing my sons over so they can throw stuff at cows as well.” Wow. My apologies to Liam Gallagher for the many years I thought he was the exclusive douche in Oasis.