The chances of a Simon Cowell protege winning ‘X Factor’ just got a little bigger, with Rachel Crow’s incredible performance of the Etta James song, ‘I’d Rather Go Blind.’ I have to admit my shock, given that I completely dismissed Crow at the beginning of the competition. Cowell clearly edited her into a superstar. And as an aside — Nicole Scherzinger is extremely annoying.
45th Annual CMA Awards — Fashion Smashion
Everyone knows that awards shows are just a great excuse to get a bunch of celebrities in a room together to massage each other’s ego. That being said, I love a pretty dress, so it only makes sense to post pictures from the country music awards. Click the “continue reading” link to see all the glam. Enjoy!
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Laura Bell Bundy
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Metallica’s New Album — ‘Lulu’ — Horrific
I may not be a musician, but I know what crap sounds like. And Metallica’s new album is absolutely horrible. They collaborated with singer-songwriter, Lou Reed, and the album, entitled ‘Lulu’, is based on two plays written by the German playwright Frank Wedekind. It’s predictably a critical and commercial failure. The vocals are largely spoken-word, which makes for painful listening. When asked about his fan-backlash, Metallica drummer, Lars Ulrich said, “It’s not for everyone, but I think it’s a fantastic record.” Allow me to take a moment to speak directly to Mr. Ulrich, who needs a serious Dishmaster lecture. If you want to bastardize this medium by producing shit, then do it in the privacy of your own studio and never release it to the masses. But when you expose our ears to what is largely a joke, you disrespect your fans and make a mockery of an industry that is already struggling. It’s time to exit the crazy house and start making good music again. Listen to a clip of the song, ‘The View’, below.
Eddie Murphy Resigns as Oscar Host — Follows Brett Ratner
I hope the Academy just learned a lesson about the ramifications of being puritanical hypocrites. Eddie Murphy predictably stepped down as Oscar host after learning that his friend, Brett Ratner, “resigned” as the show’s producer. The Academy likely fired Ratner without realizing the risk of losing Murphy. The Ratner debacle began with a series of loose-lipped interviews, most notably his quote that “rehearsal is for fags.” Had they fired Ratner immediately after he made the bigoted remark, I’d be fine with it. But that’s not why he was fired. Ratner was fired because of his candid Howard Stern interview, in which he detailed his sex life, including making Lindsay Lohan get an STD test prior to sleeping with her and being “in love with eating pus*y.” Though I detest Brett Ratner, there’s an underlying lesson to be learned here — you can use bigoted words, but you can’t openly discuss your sex life. You know . . . because that’s inappropriate. And despite my Ratner hatred, losing Murphy as a host should have been enough to keep Ratner. I predict a very boring Academy Awards this year.
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol — New Trailer — Tom Cruise is Hot
It’s okay to love Tom Cruise. Sure he’s a little nuts, but so are all actors. And if you judge him for his Scientology beliefs, then don’t you also have to judge every other actor with a religious affiliation that thinks there’s an imaginary, bearded man in the sky waiting at heaven’s gate? Plus, he’s still super hot, and here at The Dishmaster, looks are most important. So watch the trailer below for ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ and start to get excited about the best action-movie franchise in recent history.
Rachel Maddow Covers Howard Stern’s Gloria Allred Ambush
Because I’m in love with both Howard Stern and Rachel Maddow, you can imagine my excitement when my friend pointed me to the video below. Maddow is clearly a Howard Stern fan, dedicating a full eight minute segment to Benjy Bronk’s hilarious press-conference-crash. Maddow called Howard Stern both “horrifying and compelling” and said that he’s “the greatest long-running, gross-out, genius performance art satire radio spectacle of [her] generation.” Can Howard Stern please book Rachel Maddow as a guest?
Chuck Bass Apologizes to Blair on ‘Gossip Girl’
If you’ve never had your heart broken by the one you love, then you’ve never truly lived. And while nothing can expedite the healing process, it’s certainly welcome and unique when the heart-breaker apologizes. So you can imagine my excitement when I witnessed the very sexy Chuck Bass finally apologize to Blair on ‘Gossip Girl.’ Sure it’s imaginary, but I enjoy turning to my imaginary world in times when reality fails me. Let this be a lesson to men everywhere. Watch the beautiful scene below.
Quote of the Day — Brett Ratner Steps Down As Oscar Producer
“Being asked to help put on the Oscar show was the proudest moment of my career. But as painful as this may be for me, it would be worse if my association with the show were to be a distraction from the Academy and the high ideals it represents.” Brett Ratner on stepping down from his post as producer of the Academy Awards, because — well . . . he’s a douchebag. And Brett — if you’re reading this, I have some advice. Treat those around you with a little respect and maybe you won’t be such a terrible person.
Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy Shoot Inspired by Marilyn Monroe — Unoriginal?
It’s time for celebrities everywhere to get over Marilyn Monroe. I get it — she was beautiful, tortured, and talented — but can’t someone think of a more original person to copy? At least Jennifer Aniston had the bright idea to copy Barbra Streisand. Lindsay Lohan has hopped on board the copy-cat train with her new Playboy shoot, where she will be “channeling” Marilyn Monroe’s Tom Kelley nude pictorial. No word yet on whether she’ll follow this up with a Marilyn Monroe tattoo on her arm like Megan Fox. Further Reading: Karina Smirnoff Poses for Playboy — What’s the Point?
Dr. Drew Looks for Courtney Stodden’s Breast Implants — GROSS!
Was there a moment when Dr. Drew realized he’d gone to the dark side? Or has he convinced himself he’s still doing important work? And speaking of important work, is there anything more valuable than conducting an on-air ultra-sound to determine if a pedophile’s teenage girlfriend has had breast implants? I suppose there’s a line that everyone crosses when they get a taste of fame, and even real doctors are susceptible to becoming blood-sucking maggots. Shame on you, Dr. Drew. Watch below.