There’s a very specific reason I love Barbara Walters on The View. She’s the only sensible lady on the panel, and I often describe her as the Queen of England at a petting zoo. The “hot topic” on yesterday’s show, was the recent scientific explanation about how the wind, and not God, parted the Red Sea. Both Sherri Shepherd and Elizabeth Hasselbeck had a predictable field day with the topic, with Babs filling in for Whoopi Goldberg as moderator. I’ve attached the clip below for your enjoyment, and pay close attention to Barbara’s questions — it’s very funny. She asks both Sherri and Elizabeth multiple times whether they believe in evolution, likely because she was astonished at their response. She also kept asking them whether they believe that everything in the bible should be taken literally, and you’ll have to watch to see their answer. Be careful when you watch it though; your brain might melt.
Adam Levine Can Sing — Who Knew?
Let me begin this post by saying that Adam Levine of Maroon 5 greatly annoys me. But to be fair, who doesn’t? There’s just something very off-putting about the dorky Jewish guy who gets fame, and then screws every model he can get his hands on. As my mother would say, “What’s wrong with you? Can’t you find a nice Jewish girl?” Plus, his uncle is Timothy Noah, a writer and editor for Slate Magazine, and I predict there was a bit of connection-based success. Though I’m not against nepotism on its face, I like to arbitrarily oppose it based solely on personal bias — such as his aforementioned quest for hot models, instead of Jewish girls like myself. Now that I’ve waxed on about my Levine annoyances, I have to confess that I love the new Maroon 5 song, Out of Goodbyes. He collaborated with Lady Antebellum for it, and it’s released today along with his new album, Hands All Over. Listen below.
Out of Goodbyes by Pupudtxx
Kim Kardashian Regrets Botox? — Let the Back Peddling Begin
Kim Kardashian has officially launched a new media tactic. Here it is: make poor decisions, encounter a press backlash, and then squirm out of it by saying you regret it. In a statement to People Magazine, the reality star says that while she is not against others getting botox, the procedure just “wasn’t necessary” for her, given that she’s so young. This marks her third attempt at back-peddling. The first was her sex-tape, which she continues to deny releasing, and the second was her Playboy shoot, which she later said she “regrets.” Its a pretty shrewd strategy if you ask me.
Colin Quinn Makes it to Broadway — Congratulations
Colin Quinn has always been considered an underated talent in comedy circles. Fortunately for Quinn, those circles include Jerry Seinfeld, who produced Quinn’s Off-Broadway one-man show, which has now moved to Broadway. Seinfeld knew that network executives can’t spot talent, so he told Quinn to find another avenue to promote his act. He was right, and the show moved to Broadway after receiving great reviews. Seinfeld will be directing it. The interesting thing about theater, is that all you need to make it on Broadway is money. Unlike Hollywood, where the unfunny neanderthals in the creative division (who I like to call “creanderthals”) choose was makes it to your television screen, Broadway is dependent on investors from just about anywhere. Have some rich friends that fancy themselves comedians? Perhaps you can have a show on Broadway too. That’s not to say that this is a better avenue to foster talent, given that even Broadway is suffering from remake-syndrome. Having said that, I’m very happy for Colin Quinn. He deserves it.
American Idol Judges Announced — They’re Too Famous
I’m still confused about why Fox thinks Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are good ideas for American Idol judges. The problem last season was that the show became too judge-centered, and the contestants were an afterthought. The new panel will just further incite that issue. It’s not possible to have Jennifer Lopez on the judging panel without her stealing the spotlight. I still maintain that Tommy Mottola would be the better pick, along with a washed-up pop-star that was very famous in her day. That’s why Paula Abdul worked. She had the credibility necessary to judge, and she was no longer too famous to divert attention away from the contestants. Plus, she was a lovable train-wreck, which always made for great entertainment. None of this matters anyways, because Simon’s Cowell’s X-Factor will trounce American Idol regardless of the judges. When he launched X-Factor in the UK, Pop Idol (the original hit-show) only lasted one year before getting canned. I predict the same fate for American Idol.
Affleck Says No One Cared About Phoenix — I Cared
Casey Affleck appeared on Jay Leno to once again admit that his Joaquin Phoenix documentary was fake, and proclaimed that at the time Phoenix was “in character,” Affleck never received any worried phone calls about Phoenix’s condition. I’d like to officially debunk Affleck’s claim, seeing as how I have consistently said that Affleck was a jerk for making this movie, and that people should not make light of addiction. It’s true that I never made a personal phone call to either Affleck or Phoenix, but that’s only because I don’t have their telephone numbers. If they would like to give it to me in case this happens again, I can guarantee a personal phone call next time around. I also specifically remember an interview with Reese Witherspoon, where they asked her if she was worried about Phoenix (who she starred with in Walk the Line), and Reese curiously dodged the question. In hindsight, she probably knew it was fake, and therefore wiggled out of a response. I also remember an interview with Joaquin Phoenix during his “condition,” where the interviewer was confused about why Casey Affleck was so excited about how horrible the interview went. That interviewer also presumed it was a hoax, given that no one in their right mind would be excited about their friend’s demise. I wish I could find these aforementioned interviews, but it’s a little difficult to Google “Casey Affleck is a douchebag” and come up with the results I’m looking for. Just believe me when I tell you — the general public (that wasn’t “in on it”) was concerned, and Affleck is trying to assuage his guilt by now acting like he intended it to be a movie all along. You tried to trick people — so own up.
Angelina Jolie is an Action Hero? — I Could Take Her
Angelina Jolie was voted one of the top 10 action heroes of all time, and she was the only woman to make the list. There are many things in this world that I don’t know, but there are at least two things that I know for sure. First, I could kick Jayden Smith’s ass. And second, I could kick Angelina Jolie’s ass. I took martial arts for a full month, and I often get winded walking up hills — but I stand firm in my assertion. How do I know? Well, Jayden Smith is a child, and Angelina Jolie is the size of a tooth pick. Don’t action heroes have to have visible biceps (and miniature ones don’t count)? You might be asking why I’ve even mentioned Jayden Smith in this post, considering its pretty irrelevant. Well, I like to arbitrarily pick on little children. Alright, perhaps I’m being too mean. But just to drive home my point, I’ve attached a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who I like to call, the “last action hero” (pun intended). I hope that clears things up.
Hilary Clinton’s Hair Causes Controversy — HUH?!
In case you were snoozing during her campaign for President, I’ll remind you that Hilary Clinton’s style is limited to neon pant suits. Apparently, her hair is now added to the fashion faux paus list. While appearing before the United Nations to discuss relief for Pakistan and Haiti, reporters noticed her bad hair day, and decided to write about her ill-used hair clip, instead of the actual issues she discussed. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who day dreams during important speeches. I often find myself undressing and redressing everyone in a room, and if I have time, I’ll also do their hair and makeup in my head. Now if I can only find a way to get paid the same as these top notch reporters. I’m sure I’d move up the ladder quickly, and eventually graduate to full on naps while politicians talk.
Today’s Question: Is Chrissie Hynde the Best Female Vocalist in History?
Mark McGrath appeared on Howard Stern yesterday to promote his new show, Don’t Forget the Lyrics!, and Stern asked him to name his favorite female Rock vocalist. McGrath picked Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders. The first person that came to my mind when Stern asked the question, was Nancy Wilson of Heart, but Hynde is certainly a good choice. She is currently the only remaining member of The Pretenders, which makes the group more of a tribute band than anything else. That being said, I’d still like to see Hynde perform live. The song below, Brass in Pocket, was their first major hit from their debut album, Pretenders, reaching number one in the UK. So who’s your choice for best female rock vocalist?