The Dishmaster

If Ariana Grande “hates America,” as she proclaims in the video below, I’d encourage her to leave. It’s no secret that the trashy pop tart has garnered a world of criticism for her diva antics, but we live in video-driven society, so she was bound to get caught. In a secret tape, Grande can be seen sticking out her tongue near doughnuts, followed by asking “What the fuck is that,” and proclaiming her hatred for our country. Her team quickly entered the spin zone, with a long statement about obesity in our country, begging the question of why she chose to enter a doughnut shop in the first place. As an aside, I very much love doughnuts, and I’m thin. Everything is fine in moderation. I also enjoy all fast foods, pizza, and excessive cheese quesadillas. AND I LOVE AMERICA. Watch below. Congratulations to Scooter Braun, he sure knows how to pick them.

Statement just in from @ArianaGrande over "I Hate America" doughnut-licking controversy pic.twitter.com/z6Ge68Myjb

— David Mack (@davidmackau) July 8, 2015

 If it’s true that there needs to be more proof before Whoopi Goldberg and Raven Symone believe in Bill Cosby’s guilt, I’d like to know what that proof specifically entails. “As more information comes out, we’ll see what happens,” says Goldberg, in the clip below, but how much more information does she need before she begins to believe the more than 40 women that have come forward? Yes he is innocent until proven guilty, but the evidence is leaning very far toward guilt, and Goldberg seems to be dismissive in an effort to protect her friend. With information about his deposition released, in which Cosby admitted to obtaining Quaaludes for the purpose of sex, Goldberg still held firm, implying that she took Quaaludes in the 80’s for recreational purposes, and not for the purpose of rape. As a lawyer, I respect the desire not to try someone in the court of public opinion, but as a random person reading the armchair evidence, I also believe in the smell test, and this thing reeks. Perhaps Whoopi Goldberg has some really great deodorant for Cosby.

TMZ caught George Lopez in transit and asked the well-known Mexican star for his thoughts on Donald Trump, followed by the question of whether he’d replace Trump as the new host of Celebrity Apprentice. He balked at the thought, but he’s actually the perfect pick. His success speaks for itself, and he’d add a missing fun-factor to the boardroom. Sure he can’t say, “You’re Fired,” but I sense a new catch phrase coming. Watch below.

John Oliver’s staff knows new media, and they’re well aware time-off can endanger the loyal eyeballs that tune in each week, thus offering a creative solution. In a funny, rapid-fire segment on all things you don’t need to know, Oliver gave a one-sentence thought on orgies, banjos, bagels, subtitles, and more. Watch below as the comedic titan gives his personal take in less than three minutes.