NBC has two seasons to make the winners of The Voice into huge stars and after that, they will lose all credibility. American Idol may be threatened by The Voice, but Idol has made some of the biggest stars in history and it is therefore more than just a talent show. So this brings me to a very important question: What happened to Javier Colon? Where is he? Why isn’t he booked on late night shows singing a hit single? When is his album coming out? And most importantly — why the fu*k isn’t Adam Levine doing anything to propel his career? Adam appeared on Howard Stern yesterday and mentioned Colon, saying that he’s trying to help him, and Colon is “struggling.” He also made a moderately condescending remark about how the winners have to take their career by the reigns after the show is finished. Perhaps he should look to Blake Shelton who took Dia Frampton on his tour. You don’t get to sit on your throne touting that you “won” season one, especially when the contestant you won with can’t sustain a career.
If I were a contestant on The Voice, it would take me one millisecond to choose Blake Shelton as my mentor. The reason? He’s the only judge with post-show loyalty. It’s not about winning the show, it’s about what happens after you win the show, and a huge part of an artist’s success is whether other artists with more fame promote them. And Blake Shelton constantly promotes Dia Frampton and Xenia, two contestants from the last season of the show. Sure Adam Levine won with Javier Colon, but does he invite him to sing at Maroon 5 concerts? In fact, Dia Frampton is joining Blake Shelton on tour. You can’t beat that type of exposure. There is no way Christina Aguilera would make that same type of offer.
There’s only two singers I’ve stopped listening to solely because of their terrible personalities. If you read my blog, you could easily guess that the lucky singers are Adam Levine and John Mayer. I stopped listening to John Mayer when he began to act ridiculous in interviews, and the Jessica Simpson debacle officially put the fork in him. I banned Adam Levine for just about the same reason. I’m aware that he’s only one member of an entire band, but he’s annoying enough for me to cut off Maroon 5 as a whole. He’s in love with himself, and his new naked ad is no exception. I’ve pulled a quote for your enjoyment. Levine said, “I spend most of my life naked. In fact, I often have to be told by the people around me that it’s inappropriate to be as naked as I am. But I live in California, where it’s always warm, so why not?” First of all Adam, I also live in California, and I can assure you that I wore a very heavy jacket today because it’s too cold for nudity. Second, aren’t you secretly a dorky Jewish guy that couldn’t get laid for most of your teenage life? I don’t know for sure — but I’m guessing. Maybe I just get angry when the Jewish guys date blond chicks — because you know — us Jewish brunettes are more attractive.
I’m always looking for new music. I dig through Pandora and Grooveshark looking for an artist that I won’t immediately get tired of. This week, Erik Hassle joins Kate Nash and Florence + The Machine as my new find. He’s from Sweden, and his debut album, Hassle, reached #2 on the Swedish pop charts. He actually sounds a bit like Maroon 5, which I regret to admit, considering I find Adam Levine to be incredibly annoying. In fact — the less I know about Hassle the better — because everyone annoys me eventually. I’ve attached some of his songs below for your enjoyment. I recommend Don’t Bring Flowers.
Let me begin this post by saying that Adam Levine of Maroon 5 greatly annoys me. But to be fair, who doesn’t? There’s just something very off-putting about the dorky Jewish guy who gets fame, and then screws every model he can get his hands on. As my mother would say, “What’s wrong with you? Can’t you find a nice Jewish girl?” Plus, his uncle is Timothy Noah, a writer and editor for Slate Magazine, and I predict there was a bit of connection-based success. Though I’m not against nepotism on its face, I like to arbitrarily oppose it based solely on personal bias — such as his aforementioned quest for hot models, instead of Jewish girls like myself. Now that I’ve waxed on about my Levine annoyances, I have to confess that I love the new Maroon 5 song, Out of Goodbyes. He collaborated with Lady Antebellum for it, and it’s released today along with his new album, Hands All Over. Listen below.
Out of Goodbyes by Pupudtxx