Author: The Dishmaster

Leah Remini and Holly Robinson Peete Fired From ‘The Talk’?

When I first watched ‘The Talk,’ I knew almost immediately that the show would not survive with its panel of hosts. The women didn’t gel, and the only person that I thought had true talent was Julie Chen, who, similar to Barbara Walters’ role on ‘The View,’ is a real journalist (though there is only one Babs). So it’s no surprise that three of the original hosts have been given the axe. This includes: Leah Remini, Holly Robinson Peete, and Marissa Jaret Winokur. Leah Remini recently admitted to the firing (or “not having her option picked up” as it goes in Hollywood), which I appreciate. There’s no need to develop some elaborate excuse about not wanting to return (hear that Megan Fox?). Though I feel bad for them, this was a good decision on CBS’ part. First, Remini wasn’t funny. She’s an actress not a comedian. Unlike Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Sherri Shepherd, Remini not only lacks the timing necessary to navigate those segments, but she also is the rare breed of annoying, which includes thinking you’re funny when you’re not (at least Julie Chen never attempted jokes). As for Holly Robinson Peete, she just wasn’t particularly interesting or funny. I hate to be harsh, but I’m glad CBS got their act together. There are rumors swirling that Kris Jenner might be the new co-host, which is actually a good idea. Despite my love/hate relationship with the Kardashians, they are relevant — like it or not.

Quote of the Day — Steve Jobs the Taskmaster

In the Summer of 2008, Apple launched MobileMe on its third generation iPhone, which was meant to compete with Blackberry’s coveted email system. Despite the iPhone’s positive reviews, MobileMe was a failure with critics. So Steve Jobs, never one to take failure lying down, gathered his MobileMe team for an emergency town hall meeting. Then he asked, “can someone tell me what MobileMe is supposed to do?” After getting an answer, he replied, “then why the fuck doesn’t it do that?”

Beyonce’s ‘1 + 1’ Video — Sexy or Ridiculous?

You know what I do to feel sexy? I lather myself up with an entire bottle of oil, sprinkle some glitter all over my body, and then I run the shower with my glossy mouth open and say, “make love to me,” even when I’m alone. Doesn’t everyone do that? Apparently, I’m not alone — Beyonce does it too! Who would have thought she’d have it in her to top that pants-less ‘Single Ladies’ video. Her new video, ‘1 + 1’, is so ridiculously over-the-top, I found myself laughing very hard. She must be a genius though — because I couldn’t tear myself away. Did I mention there’s a ridiculous high note at the end of each sentence? You’ll have to see this to believe it. Be sure to get your oil ready — this is contagious.

Steve Jobs Resigns — Listen to his 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech

I never went to one of those fancy-schmancy schools with an A-list commencement speaker. Instead, I got agenda-driven hacks that used my school’s graduating class to proselytize their partisan ideas. But thanks to YouTube, I can just close my eyes, pretend I went to Stanford, and let Steve Jobs’ words of wisdom wash over me. His speech was sent my way because of his recent resignation, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I cried while listening. Perhaps I’m hormonal? Seriously though — it’s incredible. I’d encourage you to listen to it and then quit your dead-end job in favor of a more fulfilling dream. Oh that’s right — the economy has tanked and we no longer get those dream-driven choices. Enough of my jaded jargon — allow Mr. Jobs to eliminate your pessimism. And judging from the angry undertones in this post — I need to watch it again.

Jim Carrey Declares Love for Emma Stone — Career Suicide?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. When you’re a Hollywood A-lister, you have a responsibility to maintain your mystique. When you start to make too many appearances and make poor professional choices, you ruin your brand, and you border on becoming an accessible reality star. Such is the case with Jim Carrey. Watch below.

Kim Kardashian Loses $75,000 Earring — High Maintenance?

At times in my life I’ve been accused of being “high maintenance.” Though I’m certainly a plant that needs constant watering, I can assure you — I am not as high maintenance as Kim Kardashian. During a trip to Bora Bora with her then boyfriend Kris Humphries, Humphries threw her in the ocean, which caused her to lose a $75,000 earring. As a result, she cried hysterically while Humphries looked puzzled. Perhaps she shouldn’t wear diamonds to the ocean? Maybe next time she’ll wear a full gown too. At least she makes her man a ton of money — that probably makes up for the headache he received later that day. As an aside, Kim’s face disturbingly doesn’t move when she cries. Too much botox?

Quote of the Day — ‘Columbiana’ Movie Review

“Co-writer and co-producer Luc Besson tries a new spin on his tried-and-true “La Femme Nikita” formula, but the results are so clumsy and over-the-top that they should have just called the movie “Panty Assassin” and played the whole thing for laughs.” Alonso Duralde very funny movie review of Zoe Saldana’s new film, ‘Columbiana.’

Vintage Interview: Hugh Hefner Talks Playboy

My favorite law school professor once said, “people think the United States moves at a snail pace. That’s true of everything but sex.” At the time, he was discussing obscenity laws, but the vintage Hugh Hefner interview below reminded me of his claim. It’s interesting to see how revolutionary Playboy magazine was, propelled by Hugh Hefner’s own chutzpah. Sure there’s still a plethora of people preaching abstinence, but we’ve definitely come a long way. Watch below.

Quote of the Day — Did Will Smith and Jade Pinkett Split Up?

“What? In Touch said that? I know nothing about this … Lord. I’m going back to bed.” Will Smith and Jada Pinkett’s rep, Karynne Tencer, on whether In Touch Weekly’s report is true that the superstar couple separated.

Paul Simon’s New Album — ‘So Beautiful or So What’ — Incredible

Despite being The Dishmaster, there are times I think I’m living under a rock. I’m constantly in search of new bands to write about, and I lose sight of the reliable legends.  One such legend is Paul Simon, who released his new album, So Beautiful or So What, in April — and I’m embarrassed to admit that I only just discovered it. Most of the information I receive is via word of mouth, and this album never hit my direction.  So I will take this opportunity to make it up to Paul Simon, who I fantasize about interviewing one day.  His latest effort is just as high-quality as his earlier albums, and some reviewers compared it to Graceland.  Loyal fan or not — you must buy it.  I’d also like to congratulate him on still contributing to his art form, which is very unlike some of his early comrades who no longer write new music (hear that Billy Joel?).

So Beautiful Or So What by Paul Simon