Have you ever gone to a house party where everyone seems to be having a great time, and you’re looking for the nearest exit? Such is the case with Charlie Sheen’s web-cast, which looked like the least happening shin-dig imaginable. The only entertainment involved his overuse of the word “winning,” which never gets old. Unless Sheen plans on releasing a porn involving his two “goddesses,” I’m not interested in any future broadcasting from his mansion. As an aside, Charlie Sheen’s antics prove exactly why television networks make actors “exclusive” to the network in their contracts. Now that Charlie Sheen is free from Two and a Half Men, he can be “funny” in real life. Great for him, bad for us. I imagine that if every actor was this legally free to pursue their creative fantasies, you might see some other A-listers going bat-sh#t-crazy. Watch the “entertainment” below.
Author: The Dishmaster
Sirius Launches Charlie Sheen Channel — Ripping off Howard Stern’s Ideas?
Sirius announced a station exclusively dedicated to Charlie Sheen’s antics, and they clearly stole the idea from Howard Stern’s radio show. The new station will have interviews with some of Sheen’s porn stars, and just last week Howard Stern did the exact same thing while holding a porn star beauty pageant. Also, if you’re a Stern fan then you know that Stern has a news team exclusively dedicated to the antics surrounding Howard Stern’s radio show, which is precisely what the Charlie Sheen station will do. This is obviously how they thought of the idea. You might be wondering what the problem is, especially considering that Howard Stern works for Sirius, so any Sirius popularity indirectly benefits Stern. Because I’m a massive Howard Stern fan, I’m fully confident that Stern is furious about this. First, Stern recently said that he’d like to give Sheen a radio show on one of Stern’s two channels, so it’s obviously troubling that Sirius will put similar content elsewhere. Second, when Sirius offered Rosie O’Donnell a show, Stern was pissed because he wanted her on one of his channels. He publicly exposed his anger, saying that Sirius basically stole his idea without consulting him. It’s completely irrelevant that Stern and Sirius play on the same team. They are still ripping off Stern’s original content, which is unacceptable.
Movie Review: Take Me Home Tonight
I’m not the right person to review this film. First, I have a huge crush on Topher Grace, which makes me biased. In fact, I recently saw him at a Hollywood party, and I’m convinced he gave me the eye. It’s more likely than not that the “eye” I’m referring to was actually Topher Grace looking in fear at the crazy chick gawking at him — but a girl can dream. This film is basically a story-less comedy about a boy with a crush. It’s set in the eighties, which I found slightly confusing, especially since it never fast-forwarded to real-time. Topher Grace plays Matt Franklin, who recently graduated from MIT and is working in a video store until he finds out what he wants to do with his life. He meets his high school crush, and he lies to her about his job because he’s embarrassed. She invites him to a party, and he spends the entire night trying to impress her, which involves the pressure of keeping his lie. I’d like to note that the only extremely funny scene was executed by Demitri Martin, who hilariously called-out Matt Franklin as a liar. To be fair, Demitri is a stand-up comedian, so it only makes sense that he’d steal the show. Throughout this film, I found myself wondering why Say Anything worked, and this didn’t. Both films star a charming, somewhat dorky boy with a crush. If Say Anything was released today, would it still be as popular? I’m not sure. Perhaps Topher needed to hold a stereo above his head or something? I’m giving this movie a stronger than deserved overall rating because of my crush on Topher Grace. OVERALL RATING: SADISHFIED
Matt Damon’s Wife Was His Bartender — Encourages Others to Follow Suit
Matt Damon told a very touching story about meeting his wife, saying that he didn’t feel like going to a local bar in Miami while shooting Stuck on You, but it was worth it because his wife was his bartender that night, and they currently live happily ever after. He said the moral of the story is that “when you’re tired, suck it up and go to the bar because you might meet your wife.” I’d like to note that I too had a crush on a bartender once, only it didn’t end so happily. I distinctly remember showing up at his bar under the mistaken impression that he’d ask me out, only to discover him flirting with another girl the entire night. Apparently, I severely miscalculated the connection. My friend and I laughed the entire ride home at the humiliation. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself — who will? Perhaps Matt Damon’s advice only applies to female bartenders? If that’s the case, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do to my parents. Maybe I’ll have better luck on the other team.
Peter MacNicol Rescues Grey’s Anatomy — Ally McBeal Nostalgia Ensues
I was elated to hear Peter MacNicol joined Grey’s Anatomy. He was my favorite actor on Ally McBeal, and he hasn’t had a similar role in years. In recent Grey’s Anatomy episodes, he’s played a cold-hearted doctor, but series creator Shonda Rimes delivered in last Thursday’s episode, when MacNicol showed his emotional side and asked out a nurse he has a crush on. If I knew Shonda Rimes, I’d beg her to make him a series regular instead of just a guest-star, because I fear he only has a few episodes left on his contract. The scene I’m referring to is on minute 35 of the video below. Enjoy!
Vintage Movie Pick — Charlie Sheen’s ‘The Chase’
Amidst all of this Charlie Sheen nonsense, I couldn’t help but remember that he’s actually a decent actor with an impressive resume. Hopefully he’ll get back to it one of these days, instead of “winning” all over television. One of my favorite Sheen films of all time is The Chase, where Sheen plays a man on the run, after being wrongly accused of a crime which will land him in prison for 25 years. He has no choice but to take a woman hostage, and she’s conveniently very hot. I think you can guess what happens next. Get back to the acting, Charlie.
Phil Collins Quits Music — Will He Marry Billy Joel?
If you read my Billy Joel post, you might predict my reaction to Phil Collins’ recent announcement that he’s quit the music business. In a statement, Collins said, “I’m sorry that it was all so successful. I honestly didn’t mean it to happen like that. It’s hardly surprising that people grew to hate me.” He also said that he “doesn’t think anyone is going to miss [him].” Can someone please explain to me when musicians become such emotional cowards? I’d use the “P” word, but my father told me to stop cursing on my blog, and despite my suspicion that he actually doesn’t read The Dishmaster, I’ll err on the side of caution. Anyways, there’s something about massive success that breeds complacence, and I wonder if Phil Collins will live happily ever after with Billy Joel, who hasn’t written a new song in over a decade. For goodness sakes, Phil Collins sold over 150 million records, and the guy just quits? I’m aware that the today’s music industry is horrific, but that’s all the more reason to release new material. So Phil if you’re reading this — grow a pair — and write some music.
Tabloid Week-in-Review
- David Arquette was in a car accident. People
- Dianne Agron’s ex-boyfriend, Alex Pettyfer, may or may not be a psycho stalker. GossipCop
- Britney Spears gushed to Ryan Seacrest about her boyfriend’s body. DigitalSpy
- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are fighting over their kids. Huffington Post
- Ryan Reynolds might have a new woman. Hollywood Life
- Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn might be getting serious. PopEater
- Fear not — Charlie Sheen’s goddess, Bree Olson, has returned to the mansion. Hollywood News
- Amanda Seyfried still misses her very yummy ex-boyfriend, Dominic Cooper. Gather
- Charlie Sheen is a Jew — the world makes sense again! Stuff
- David Birney denies Meredith Baxter’s abuse allegations written in her new memoir. E! Online
- Taylor Swift is dating Glee’s Chord Overstreet. EarSucker
- Courtney Cox has an amazing body. Celebuzz
Billy Joel Will Write Autobiography — How About He Write New Songs Instead?
When I read that Billy Joel will waste an inordinate amount of time writing an autobiography instead of writing new music, I became infuriated. I’m a huge Billy Joel fan, and it’s been over a decade since he’s written new music. In his recent Howard Stern interview, he said that he likes to write music without lyrics because adding lyrics would be like “painting a mustache on an already finished work of art.” Personally, I think that’s complete bull shit. And I’m not a alone. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Elton John said, “at the end of the day, [Billy’s] coasting. I always say, ‘Billy, can’t you write another song?’ It’s either fear or laziness. It upsets me. Billy’s a conundrum.” Judging from the Stern interview, Billy has some astounding fear of failure, and since he’s able to live off the money he’s already made, there isn’t any reason to overcome it. He’s no longer hungry (both literally and figuratively), and so his art suffers. And since I’m such a huge Joel fan — I suffer.
Kim Kardashian’s New Single — Proves Auto-Tune Doesn’t Work for Everyone
I recently went to a friend’s recording studio, where an upcoming artist was recording tracks for her new album. I was shocked to hear her terrible voice, at which point my friend assured me that auto-tune would save the day. When I heard the final version, I was shocked. We’ve all heard about artists using auto-tune, but I suppose I never fully understood the extend to which it corrects a voice. But before you start dreaming about becoming the next pop-star, I would encourage you to listen to Kim Kardashian’s new single below. Apparently, auto-tune doesn’t work for everyone.