Elton John on Madonna: “She Looks Like a Fairground Stripper”

“She’s such a nightmare. Her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster. She’s been so horrible to Gaga . . . . If Madonna had any common sense she would have made another Ray of Light, stayed away from the dance stuff, and just been a great pop singer and made great pop records, which she does brilliantly. But no. She had to prove that she was like . . . she looks like a fairground stripper.” Elton John on Madonna’s latest tour antics. Also — I’d like to take a moment to ask the question no one seems to have an answer to: What the FU*K happened between these two lunatics to justify this kind of vitriolic hatred?

Elton John’s Pepsi Super Bowl Commercial — With Melanie Amaro! — Yes!

The real king in Elton John’s Super Bowl commercial is Simon Cowell, who somehow managed to hook up X Factor winner Melanie Amaro with a Super Bowl commercial. The man is a genius. The success of X Factor is dependent on his winners becoming stars in the real world, so this choice was brilliant. Plus, the commercial is funny. Watch below.

Quote of the Day — David Furnish on Madonna Bashing

“Wow! What a tempest in a teapot. My comments regarding The Golden Globes have been blown way out of proportion. My passion for our film Gnomeo & Juliet and belief in Elton‘s song really got my emotional juices going. But I must say for the record that I do believe Madonna is a great artist, and that Elton and I wish her all the best for next week’s premiere of the film W.E.” Elton John’s husband, David Furnish, casually dismissing the fact that he’s a sore loser.


Elton John v. Madonna Feud at Golden Globes — It’s War!

I’m unsure when the Elton John/Madonna feud began, but it appears from my research that Elton John started it at the Q awards in 2004 when he insulted Madonna’s previous win in his acceptance speech, saying, “Madonna, best f***ing live act? F*** off! Since when has lip-synching been live? That’s me off her f***ing Christmas card list but do I give a toss? No.” He continued his tirade at last night’s Golden Globes during the red carpet, saying that she didn’t have a chance in hell of winning the award. After the win his partner, David Furnish, posted a furious message on his facebook page, saying, “Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!” Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism. And her criticism of Gaga shows how desperate she really is.” Wow — either Elton John is a sore loser or there’s information about his relationship with Madonna that we don’t know about. Did she kick his dog or something? Watch clips from their feud below.

‘Idol’s’ Paul McDonald — The Best of the Night — Judges are Nuts

I just got around to watching last night’s American Idol and, true to form, I became enraged.  I disagreed with the judges on every single performance.  Because I try to be a positive Dishmaster (no — I’m not kidding), I will only point out who I liked that judges did not, instead of listing every single singer that the judges like, who I thought were God awful.  During the judges’ critique of Paul McDonald they insulted his suit (which I liked) and they told him he needed to “go further” with his voice (which is ridiculous).   Not every contestant on American Idol needs to engage in vocal gymnastics to be impressive.  I might stop watching this show altogether, for fear of destroying my television.  Watch Paul McDonald sing Elton John’s Rocket Man below.  He was my favorite of the night, with Casey Abrams coming in a close second.  I keep my mouth shut on the rest.

Simon Cowell on Elton John — “Take Your Money and Help Upcoming Musicians”

Simon Cowell doesn’t only pick on the little guy — he takes on giants too.  In response to Elton John’s comments about X-Factor “hurting the music industry,” Cowell said, “This is somebody who charges what, a million dollars a private gig? Two million dollars, you know? . . . I tell you what, you just made a million dollars off your last private gig. Go and give it to a bunch of young musicians you care about, put them in the studio. Go and nurture them. Go and spend some time looking after them. Then I’ll buy your argument.”  Good point, Simon.  I’m sick and tired of music titans insulting the current state of the industry and doing nothing about it.  Did I mention that I had a recent dream that I made out with Simon Cowell?  He was a very good kisser.

Billy Joel Will Write Autobiography — How About He Write New Songs Instead?

When I read that Billy Joel will waste an inordinate amount of time writing an autobiography instead of writing new music, I became infuriated. I’m a huge Billy Joel fan, and it’s been over a decade since he’s written new music. In his recent Howard Stern interview, he said that he likes to write music without lyrics because adding lyrics would be like “painting a mustache on an already finished work of art.” Personally, I think that’s complete bull shit. And I’m not a alone. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Elton John said, “at the end of the day, [Billy’s] coasting. I always say, ‘Billy, can’t you write another song?’ It’s either fear or laziness. It upsets me. Billy’s a conundrum.” Judging from the Stern interview, Billy has some astounding fear of failure, and since he’s able to live off the money he’s already made, there isn’t any reason to overcome it. He’s no longer hungry (both literally and figuratively), and so his art suffers. And since I’m such a huge Joel fan — I suffer.