In the judgmental world of The Dishmaster, when you record someone’s demise for profit, you’re evil. So if it’s true that Casey Affleck legitimately chronicled Joaquin Phoenix’s unraveling for I’m Still Here, then I feel sorry for Phoenix, who was taken advantage of by his brother-in-law. Personally, I think it’s a hoax, and not a funny one. Joaquin’s own brother, River Phoenix, died of a drug overdose, and Phoenix himself went to rehab for alcohol addiction. I therefore think both Affleck and Phoenix are irresponsible assholes for making this movie. Affleck wanted a hit film to give him a career boost, and Phoenix went along with it, because Affleck is married to Phoenix’s sister, and he presumably wanted to help out his brother-in-law. What a coincidence that Phoenix cleaned his act up after Affleck’s film was done shooting. Further Reading: Casey Affleck is Shopping Around a Joaquin Phoenix Documentary — It’s Apparently Disturbing.
Author: The Dishmaster
John Cusack Proves that Celebrities Need to Get Off Twitter
Let me begin by admitting that I constantly write celebrities on twitter, and I love that I can contact them directly, instead of having to break down the concrete wall usually created by their “people.” That being said, my advice is that celebrities either need to jump twitter-ship, or run their tweets by someone who can help them avoid exposing their true, ridiculous inner-selves. John Cusack’s recent twitter mishap only solidifies this point. When asked what he thinks of a ground-zero mosque, Cusack tweeted, :”I AM FOR A SATANIC DEATH CULT CENTER AT FOX NEWS HQ AND OUTSIDE THE OFFICES [OF] DICK ARMEY AND NEWT GINGRICH-and all the GOP WELFARE FREAKS.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I like my celebrities with an air of mystery, and if that means that they avoid political discussions, or showing their wrinkles on twitter, then so be it. And because I don’t believe that either John Cusack or Fox News are qualified to discuss politics openly, they should both be quiet. Further Reading: Teri Hatcher Posts Unflattering Pictures of Herself on Twitter — Is This Necessary?
Will Howard Stern Leave Sirius for an Adam Curry Podcast?
Howard Stern recently interviewed Adam Curry, a multi-millionaire also known as the “pod-father of radio.” Stern asked him if it was possible to make money off of podcasting, and Curry offered him $100 million dollars on the spot to work for him. I blew it off at the time, but I now think that Curry is among Stern’s “other offers” that he mentions during his on-air, angry negotiations with Sirius. Today, he said that he will “find a way” to bring new technology to people’s cars, and if he has to leave Sirius he is sure his fans will follow him, regardless of the technology. I think he was cryptically referring to Curry’s offer. Here’s my advice for Stern — either return to terrestrial, stay with Sirius, or leave radio altogether. When Stern left terrestrial radio, he severely cut his listening audience, because many of his loyal fans did not switch over to satellite radio. If he again changed technology, he would cut his audience even further, and his voice would essentially become obsolete. Sometimes it’s not about the money, it’s about your legacy, your brand, and sheer numbers. $100 million dollars sure is a lot of money, but is it worth it? Further reading: Was Howard Stern’s Vacation Really a Contract Negotiation?
Musicians that Want to be Actors — Is it Possible?
Some actors have easily made the transition to music (i.e. Jennifer Lopez), but it seems much harder for musicians to make the transition to acting. My theory? Many actors got their start in musical theater, and can already sing, so the transition isn’t as difficult. But what musician hung out in their high school’s drama club? I can’t think of a faster way to loose your rock star status. I’ve compiled a list of musicians that gave acting the old college try, but to no avail.
Mariah Carey has had the acting bug for quite some time. I first saw her on the big screen with a funny cameo in 1999’s The Bachelor, and she later starred in Glitter. She got her first positive accolades from her appearance in Precious, coupled with much speculation about whether her woman-mustache was real or fake. Fear not — it was fake.
Justin Timberlake has had a few substantial acting roles, but has yet to find his breakout hit. He first impressed me in a movie called Alpha Dog, where he proved he can definitely act. He’s just filmed Bad Teacher, with his ex-girlfriend, Cameron Diaz — who I assume recommended him for the role. It certainly pays to be on good terms with exes. Perhaps I should start making some bury-the-hatchet phone calls?
You might not know that Jon Bon Jovi tried to be an actor. After Robert Downey Jr. left Ally McBeal due to some highly publicized “issues,” Bon Jovi became her new love interest, in hopes of resurrecting the ratings. It didn’t work. Though he was certainly nice to look at, there just wasn’t any chemistry. He also appeared as Sarah Jessica Parker’s love interest on Sex and the City. I actually think his best role was as an angry wife-beater in Pay it Forward, but the film never took off.
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Today’s Question: Is There Another Olsen Sister?
This news blew my mind. All this time I thought I only had to be annoyed by the Full House twins, and now I discover that there’s actually a third sister in the business? Who knew? Elizabeth Olsen, the 21 year old younger sister of Mary Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen, will be starring in the Indie film, Peace, Love & Misunderstanding, alongside Chace Crawford and Jane Fonda. I suppose this news is so shocking because I’ve read many interviews with the Olsen twins (yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that), and at no point did either one of them mention a sister. In fact, I often thought that the Olsen sisters were actually Siamese twins, given that they both give such similar answers in interviews. And by “similar,” I mean an equal amount of nothing. Alright, now I’m just being mean. But seriously, another Olsen?!
Kate Winslet to Evan Rachel Wood: “Get Naked”
Sofia Coppola’s ‘Somewhere’ — The Buzz at Venice
Here at The Dishmaster, I admittedly play favorites. After all, connections make the world go round, right? So my general blogging rule is that if someone I know and like, stars in a movie, and the movie is shit, I will leave it off the blog. What I won’t do is lie in my post. So when I found out that Stephen Dorff, a close family friend, was starring in Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere, I thought to myself: wow, this better be good. Because there’s nothing worse than a family friend noticing their suspicious absence from your blog. Lucky for me, and for anyone out there that still values quality movies, Somewhere is a hit at the Venice Film Festival, and it’s looking like an Oscar contender. In fact, Movieline (my favorite entertainment news website), had this to say about Stephen’s performance:
Dorff is an underappreciated and underused actor; he was marvelous as Stu Sutcliffe in Iain Softley’s 1994 Backbeat . . . but he hasn’t had many roles worthy of him in the years since. He’s superb here: As a guy whose days as a young hunk are on the wane, Johnny is grabbing at everything and grasping nothing, and Dorff captures his flailing ambivalence perfectly.
I would like to extend a big congratulations to Sofia Coppola and Stephen Dorff. Watch the trailer for the film below.
*UPDATE: Somewhere was just awarded the Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival, which is considered the highest honor.
Top Romantic Comedies Liked by Men — A List
There’s nothing worse than strong-arming your boyfriend into seeing a romantic comedy with you. I’m unequivocally opposed, for fear that he’ll retaliate by forcing me to see The Expendables. Besides, what’s so wrong with having a date night with my gay friends? Surprisingly, there are in fact some romantic comedies that men enjoy. I’m often confused by what makes a guy like a romantic comedy. Most men can’t even articulate why, often grunting the simple sentence, “I like it when it’s good.” For whatever reason, the men I talk to like the films below. I am going to make a feeble attempt at an explanation.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY 
When Harry Met Sally might be the best romantic comedy in history. There are no bells and whistles, just great writing, great actors, and a great director. A certain someone I know that detests romantic comedies, insists that they are only successful when directed by a man. He’s either sexist . . . or correct. This film was directed by the Rob Reiner, and written by Nora Ephron. Much of the hilarious dialogue is based on both their lives, such as Meg Ryan’s obsessive ordering (which is something Ephron does), or Billy Crystal discussing his failed marriage while doing the wave at a baseball game (which actually happened to Rob Reiner).
LOVE ACTUALLY
Once upon a time, when my brother was single, he decided to add romantic comedies to his movie collection, so that when he brought women back into his apartment, he could get them to stay by suggesting a cheesy film. When he called to ask for advice, he told me all my movie suggestions were nauseating, and he’d rather not get laid than watch Dirty Dancing. When left to his own devices, he came up with Love Actually, which is still one of his favorite films of all time. The reason? I have absolutely no idea, but most men I talk to agree with my brother.
THE NOTEBOOK
No man I know likes to admit that he is a fan of The Notebook, but they all are. The story is always the same. Their girlfriends wanted to watch it, and they got guilted in to what they originally thought would be a torturous experience. After the film ends, they’re confused about having liked it, and they never tell their guy friends about it. It’s the worst kept secret of the male species.
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Ian Ziering Says The CW Destroyed 90210 Day
If you think that 4/20 is the only clever twist on the calendar, think again. In case you missed it, yesterday was September 2, 2010, also known as, 90210. If you were not a fan of Beverly Hills 90210, I would encourage you to abandon post. Actually, abandon blog, because I have no use for people that missed one of the best shows in television history. In a new interview, Ian Ziering/Steve Sanders, revealed that the entire cast was ready to do a reunion in honor of 90210 day, but “The CW dropped the ball.” Gosh, it shocks me that The CW can’t put a simple reunion together, considering they cannot even put a respectable remake on the air. If I were Ian Ziering, I would probably forgo any attempt at a reunion on The CW, so that the public will quickly forget how they bastardized his show.
Jerry Seinfeld’s Famous Girlfriends on ‘Seinfeld’
Jerry Seinfeld’s recent appearance on Howard Stern had me nostalgic for the great days of television. I started to think of his show, and I remembered the very funny episode with Teri Hatcher. It then occurred to me just how many famous women guest-starred as one of Jerry’s girlfriends. I’ve compiled a list for your enjoyment.
Teri Hatcher had the most memorable guest appearance on Seinfeld. The subject of her episode was whether her boobs were real or fake, and she closed her scene with the very famous line, “They’re real and they’re spectacular.” When recently asked about her guest-spot, Hatcher said, “now they’re just real.”
Kristin Davis appeared on Seinfeld as Jerry’s girlfriend Jenna. Jerry accidentally knocks her toothbrush in the toilet, and she uses it before he can tell her. When she finally finds out, she sticks something of Jerry’s in the toilet as retaliation, and refuses to tell him what it was.
Marcia Cross appeared on an episode called The Slicer. She played a dermatologist, which Jerry doesn’t consider a real medical field, as it doesn’t involve saving lives. He later realizes that, because Cross’s character screens people for skin cancer, she does in fact save lives. He then apologizes.
Christine Taylor will always have a special place in my heart as Melody Hanson from Hey Dude. After Hey Dude, she played Jerry’s “too perfect” girlfriend, Ellen, who ultimately got dumped because Jerry’s parents liked her, which meant there was obviously something wrong with her.
I first noticed Amanda Peet on an underrated, short-lived show called Jack & Jill. Before that, she had numerous television guest-spots, which included a coveted appearance on Seinfeld. She played Lanette, Jerry’s high maintenance girlfriend that requires both Jerry and George to team up to create the perfect man who could handle her.
Courtney Cox pretends to be Jerry Seinfeld’s wife so that she can share in his 25% discount at the dry cleaners. He eventually cheats on her, and gives another woman the discount. Men are such pigs, aren’t they?
Debra Messing appeared on one of the best Seinfeld episodes in history, entitled The Yada Yada. Enough said.
Jennifer Coolidge will forever be known as Stifler’s mom from American Pie, but her first credited acting gig was on Seinfeld, where she played a masseuse that Jerry eventually dumps because she refuses to give him a massage (but had no problem massaging Kramer).