Many very enjoyable films and television shows are destroyed by a gratuitous scene of a woman giving birth. It’s been done a million times, in both comedies and dramas. The only time I have ever seen it done successfully, is in the film Nine Months, and the title itself explains why it was necessary. So with the news that Kristen Stewart’s character, Bella, will be giving birth in the upcoming Twilight movie, I’m reminded of why I’ll avoid the next installment. It’s gross and unnecessary, and for some reason it’s lauded as some incredible acting accomplishment. Remember when Jennifer Aniston got an Emmy the same year she gave birth to Ross’s baby on Friends? And if you saw Jennifer Lopez’s recent film, The Back-Up Plan, then you subjected yourself to another beyond repulsive birthing scene, that was an ill-attempt at humor. We all know the many ways a woman gives birth, and I’m sure for the parents it’s a beautiful experience. But it’s not my baby you’re giving birth to — so don’t show it.
Author: The Dishmaster
Chris Robinson Calls Taylor Swift “Horrible”
Want to know the best way to get mentioned in the press when you’re Z-lister? Well, you bash an A-lister, of course. In a recent interview, Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, discussed the current state of the music industry, and singled out Taylor Swift, as “talentless,” and a poor example of how everything “sounds and looks the same” these days. Did Chris learn nothing from the Kanye West debacle? Taylor Swift is untouchable, and unless you’re going to hop on the pop/country bandwagon, you better stay in your cave.
Rumor Alert: Is Mark Salling Fired From Glee?
EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS: The Hollywood rumor mill has put quite the nugget of gold on my doorstep. I have to look into this further before I tell you it’s a “reliable source,” but I’ve been told that Mark Salling was fired by Ryan Murphy for pursuing “outside musical interests,” in violation of his contract. Apparently, Salling recorded an album which pissed off the folks over at Glee. I’m actually praying that I’m wrong about this, because I think Salling is one of the more talented folks on the show. Story developing . . .
UPDATE: I have more dirt on this that I cannot share, but let’s just say I find it mighty interesting that Puck was absent from last night’s episode of Glee.
X-Factor Won’t Ban Prostitutes — Simon Cowell Has a Heart
A new X-Factor scandal has surfaced, and this one is great. Britain’s The Sun is claiming that X-Factor contestant Chloe Mafia formerly worked as a prostitute. Simon Cowell’s reaction to the news? “We don’t discriminate,” he says. In fact, he’d like to feature her story on the show. Well, good for X-Factor. Remember the days of talent-show-innocence, when contestants were banned if they had previous arrests, posed naked, or worked as strippers? Who says there is still prejudice out there? I wonder what Frenchie Davis would say about this.
James Cameron Insults Piranha 3D — It’s All Your Fault James
Dear James Cameron, I’d like to thank you for starting this 3D monster, and encourage you to take some responsibility for the destruction of cinema while you’re in your therapy sessions. Though Cameron insulted Piranha 3D in a recent interview, saying that it’s “the bottom of the barrel,” and it “cheapens the [3D] medium,” he has no one to blame but himself. Obviously when Avatar made a billion dollars, every creatively inept movie studio would try to duplicate its success. And because Cameron is the only guy in Hollywood that does his homework, a 3D film made by anyone else is inevitably bound for shit. So James, many thanks for hurting my eyes, and forcing me to avoid 90% of current film releases. I blame you and only you.
Dave Letterman Accosts Michael Douglas About his Cancer
I have to give Michael Douglas credit. Douglas discussed his cancer while promoting Wall Street on Letterman, and Letterman basically asked him if he was going to die in fifty different ways. I wonder if Letterman would have asked the same questions had Douglas been over his house for brunch. “Hey, pass the lox, and by the way . . . are you going to die?” Michael Douglas’ forthright answers amazed me. Unlike many A-listers, he never puts restrictions on interview questions, no matter how uncomfortable. He openly discussed his son’s arrest on The View, and he also discussed his Cuckoo rift with his father, Kirk Douglas while on Letterman years ago. I’ve officially added him to my favorite-actors-in-Hollywood list. Watch below.
Rolling Stone ‘Mad Men’ Cover — Who’s the Insane Photographer?
Despite my lack of education in photography, I often fancy myself a shutterbug. Why? Because my father’s a fantastic photographer and I consider myself genetically pre-destined. Alright — enough ego-stroking — the Rolling Stone Mad Men cover is terrible. There, I said it. It’s almost as bad as the disgusting True Blood cover, but the lack of gore makes it a close second. Almost every Mad Men press poster is classed-up, and this backseat shot makes the characters look as if they are about to have an orgy. And what happened to Jon Hamm’s face? One of the best-looking leading men in history, looks like he’s in some kind of wind-tunnel that’s blowing his face off. It takes a keen eye to make Hamm look less than perfect. Good job, guys. Too see the cover, click here.
Edyta Sliwinska Quits Dancing With the Stars — Bye Bye Hot Dancers
First Karina Smirnoff, now Edyta? Because I’m superficial, and I like my female professional dancers to emit the long-legged hotness that I can never match, Edyta was a personal favorite. She’s quit the show due to a spat with producers, because they did not feature her husband, Alec Mazo, as much as she would have liked. This feud does answer my plaguing question about what ever happened to Alec Mazo, who I figured just did not want to appear on the show. After all, the man won the first season of Dancing With the Stars, so why wouldn’t the show keep him around? The only thing I can think of, is that the producers no longer want their professional dancers to be in relationships, because they like when the press speculates that they are romantically involved with their celebrity dance partners. That would also explain why Jonathan Roberts was fired, and his wife, Anna Trebunskaya, remains with the show. Keeping the husbands away perpetuated the ruse that both Anna and Edyta are hot, single ladies.
Lindsay Lohan Takes Responsibility in Vanity Fair — Or Not
Lindsay Lohan starts off her Vanity Fair interview saying that she’s not “making excuses.” She then spends the rest of the interview making excuses. Lohan claims that her partying days were akin to the college years that she never had, and she just happened to live those years in the public eye. Apparently she was just “doing certain things that most people do ten times more of when they’re in college.” First of all, I am not sure what your college experience was like, but mine did not involve arrests, drug abuse, and multiple stints in rehab. She also said that she would forgo clubbing altogether to get the respect back that she deserves, because clubbing “isn’t fun anyways.” Perhaps she should have done this interview three months from now to add some credibility to her bold proclamations. This reminds me of when Kirstie Alley told Oprah that she plans to start her own weight loss program, because she wants to lose all the weight she gained back after quitting Jenny Craig. Yeah — I don’t need to tell you how that turned out.
Dear Fantasia, Stop Talking About Your Suicide Attempt
When Fantasia Barrino first discussed her suicide attempt, I respected her choice. I thought she did it to get the press off her back, so that she could retreat into some intensive, in-house therapy for months, and only come out when she had recovered. I was wrong. It’s been only three weeks, and she’s done just about every interview on the planet. Not only that, she’s also discussing it at live performances. That’s quite the speedy recovery. Who knew that George Lopez, Good Morning America, Behind the Music, and the Los Angeles Times, could all help you bounce back so quickly? Oh yeah – did I mention that she’s still filming her reality show?