Category: Television

Tabloid Review — This Week in Celebrities

  • Camille Grammer’s new show, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, exposes Kelsey Grammer’s affair with now girlfriend, Kayte Walsh. Astrochicks
  • Mel Gibson’s baby mamma, Oksana Grigorieva, has hired a grand total of 39 lawyers in her fight against Mel. TMZ
  • Dina Lohan is looking to Kris Jenner for parenting advice. Hollywood News
  • Rosie O’Donnell defends Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg’s choice to walk off The View. Popeater
  • The CW released a promo for Tim Gunn’s Gossip Girl appearance. TV Fanatic
  • Jon Gosselin continues his fight to keep his children off television. D Listed
  • Christina Aguilera is apparently a lesbian. The Superficial
  • David Arquette had his post-marriage-fling, Jasmine Waltz, fired as the face of his new club. The Blemish
  • Something very strange is going on with Mariah Carey. ICYDK
  • Colin Farell and his Baby Mamma have broken up. Socialite Life
  • Nick Cannon and Chelsea Handler are in a twitter fight. Zap2it
  • Tyra Banks is being sued. Bossip
  • Shia LeBeouf threw coffee on a paparazzo. Celebslam
  • Kendra Wilkinson is leaving her husband, Hank Baskett to move back to Los Angeles. Hollyscoop
  • Vince Vaughn defends his gay joke. The Fab Life
  • Bret Michaels is disappointed he wasn’t chosen as a new American Idol judge. Limelife

Jersey Shore Cast-Members Get a Spin-Off — Bad Idea MTV

Apparently, everyone except MTV knows that too much of a good thing is a bad thing.  Both Pauly D and Snooki are getting spin-offs, which pretty much guarantees the death of the Jersey Shore franchise.  I’m sure that the neanderthal creative executives over at MTV think this is a great idea.  After all, if you have one massive hit, why not split it up and turn into three massive hits?  Unfortunately, this will only water-down the show and kill it early.  Jersey Shore is capable of at least two more great seasons, and MTV should maximize what’s left, by putting out a couple more great seasons, and keeping the cast-members underground to prevent over-exposure.  Plus, if you kill my favorite show, what will I watch on television to relax my brain after a hard day’s work?

Actors Who Turn Down Hit Roles — The Occupational Hazard

JOHN TRAVOLTA — Richard Gere might want to send John Travolta a bouquet of flowers for his career. Gere snatched up four major roles  Travolta turned down. Those include: An Officer and a Gentleman, Days of Heaven, American Gigolo, and Chicago. Travolta was once asked if regretted turning down those roles, and he said, “not every movie I make has to be a hit.” If I were Travolta, I might say, “yes, and if you notice that my manager mysteriously disappeared, don’t come looking for me.”

ROB LOWE — Rob Lowe turned down Patrick Dempsey’s role in Grey’s Anatomy, and unlike John Travolta, Lowe willingly admits his mistake. He said, “I coulda been McDreamy! It’s an occupational hazard. It happens to everybody. The great thing is that Patrick Dempsey is so great in that part and he’s such a great actor. If I’d have done that I wouldn’t be doing this great part and having this fun on Brothers And Sisters. It all works out.” The irony of that quote is that Lowe eventually left Brothers And Sisters amidst speculation that he hoped to be more of a leading man. He also left The West Wing during the height of its success, in favor of The Lyon’s Den, which was canceled after just six episodes. Perhaps the ensemble cast is the way to go, after all.

MARY LOUISE PARKER — Mary Louise Parker turned down Teri Hatcher’s role in Desperate Housewives. While promoting Weeds on The View, the panel of yentas asked Parker if she regrets her decision, and she simply said, “no, it wasn’t my role.” She was then accosted with the same question fifty more times. Parker held firm, and repeated that “it wasn’t [her] role.”  The truth is, this really did work out for everyone involved. What would Weeds be without Mary Louise Parker?

DENZEL WASHINGTON — Denzel’s career has taken a bit of a beating in recent years. But then again, so has Hollywood in general. He admitted in an interview that he turned down the role in I, Robot, which later went to Will Smith. Personally, I didn’t like the film, but it made a killing at the box-office.

WILL SMITH — I’m closing this post with Will Smith, who might be guilty of the worst choice in movie history.  He turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix, in favor of Wild Wild West.  Enough said.

Katherine Heigl Addresses her “Image Problems” — Handles it Well

Katherine Heigl addressed her image problems head-on, while promoting her new film. Though I’ve picked on Heigl for “biting the hand that feeds her,” I think her response shows that she’s on the right track.  The truth is that most of what she said in the press was correct.  It all started with Grey’s Anatomy, when Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight a faggot on set, and the creators brushed it aside, leaving Knight to handle the media bedlam on his own.  Heigl bashed both the show and Washington, in defense of her best friend.  She scored major points with me for doing so, and then quickly squandered my support when she publicly discussed her contract negotiation with Grey’s Anatomy, saying that she called it off because “she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved.”  Everyone knows that you don’t publicly discuss your contract — it’s unprofessional.  To make matters worse, she took herself out of the Emmys, because she didn’t feel that the writing was good enough to warrant an award.  Again, it’s not the best idea to insult your writers, especially since writer fatigue is common on a long-running show, and an actor can’t expect great material for five seasons straight.  She also called Knocked-Up ” sexist,” which didn’t sit well with Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow, who later bashed her on Howard Stern.  Personally, I thought the movie was sexist, but it’s not exactly a press-friendly statement.  So here’s the moral of the Katherine Heigl story — sometimes she’s right and sometimes she’s not.  If the girl could just reign it in a little, instead of becoming a robot that churns out the stereotypical answers in interviews (which I predict we will start to see), she’ll be just fine.  Watch her discuss the issue below.

Harry Hamlin & Lisa Rinna’s Store Robbed? — I Smell a Rat

Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin have officially proven why they quit acting in favor of reality television.  While promoting their new reality show, Harry Loves Lisa, Hamlin answered his cell phone mid-interview, to reveal that their clothing store, Belle Gray, had been robbed.  Lisa feigns shock, in what might be the worst acting job I’ve ever seen.  My guess is that their store was actually robbed recently, and they thought it might be good for their show to act as if the robbing occurred during the interview.  After all, isn’t it defamation to mention a security company by name as being “terrible?”  But then again — all press is good press.  Watch below.

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Eight Best Celebrities to Have Coffee With

When I first launched this blog, a very close friend of mine accused me of secretly hoping it would take off and make me millions. When I insisted that was not in fact my motivation, he scoffed sarcastically, and we haven’t spoken since. I stewed about it for days, wondering what my real blogging fantasy actually was. After much self-reflection and many thoughts about how to kill my friend, I discovered my real motivation — coffee with celebrities, of course! There are many people I admire, and would love to have a sit-down conversation with. The people below are at the top of the list. Enjoy!

BILL CLINTON — I have already had the honor of meeting President Clinton, but I’d like another shot. When we met, he politely tried to engage me in conversation, and I froze like a fish stick in my freezer. At the end of my excessive nodding and smiling, President Clinton said, “it was very nice meeting you,” and I replied, “me too.” That doesn’t even make sense! Perhaps with coffee in hand it might go better next time around. I sure do have a lot of questions.

PAUL McCARTNEY — McCartney has always been my favorite Beatle. He never tires of discussing The Beatles, and his live shows are still just as great as they always were. Even though he’s already been asked every great question under the sun, I’d like to think I have some new ones. Plus, I’d like to hang out with the guy.

BRIAN WILSON — I’ve seen Brian Wilson around Los Angeles, and I always wanted to walk right up to him to tell him how much I liked his album, Smile, and then ask, “don’t you want to strangle Mike Love?” I haven’t had the guts as of yet. Plus, I might ask to go into a recording studio with him — just to watch a genius at work.

DAVID LETTERMAN — He’s always been my favorite late night host, and with every page I read from The Late Shift, I find myself loving him even more. I’d have coffee with Letterman under the condition that he answer all my hard-hitting questions about Jay Leno. He’s made his dislike very clear, but he’s never answered detailed questions about what went down when Carson left. I would promise not to ask about his affairs though, because that’s nowhere near as interesting as the late night feud. Actually, this is my fantasy, so I can just ask about both. We’ll have to order a lot of coffee.

HOWARD STERN — Howard Stern and I are kindred spirits. He grew up with a domineering Jewish mother from Long Island, New York, and he is excessively neurotic. His greatest strength is interviewing, but he has yet to answer the hard-hitting questions that he asks his guests daily. He’s never really discussed the breakdown of his marriage, despite him discussing just about everything else on “The History of Howard Stern.” When he initially divorced, his ratings suffered, yet he’s never brought it up in the context of the show. I am confident I could get it out of him. If you don’t like Howard Stern, I would encourage you to listen to his show. Whenever I hear someone bash him, it’s clear they are regurgitating media crud, instead of actually giving an informed opinion. He’s fantastic.

JUDD HIRSCH — Judd is one of my all-time favorite actors. His most notable role is on Taxi, which I grew up watching on Nick at Nite. I fantasized about being a Taxi driver, and when I told my father, he wasn’t pleased. I also saw Judd Hirsch in Art, where he was just as good as his Taxi days. I thought of the many actors I could have picked for this post, and I just can’t think of anyone more interesting then Judd Hirsch.

BARBARA WALTERS — There’s no one else that I wanted to emulate more than Barbara Walters. I wanted to do interviews, and she’s the master. She once interviewed Angelina Jolie after her Billy Bob Thornton divorce, and when Walters asked Angelina what went wrong, Angelina said that “there are two people involved, and there are things I can’t say out of respect for the other person.” Barbara didn’t miss a beat, and said, “tell me what you can say.” Angelina then unloaded. No other interviewer could have been so crafty. In my fantasy, it’s me doing the interviewing, and Babs is the one crying. She’ll then give me all her interviewing secrets, and ABC will hire me to do their Oscar specials since the slot is now open.

LORNE MICHAELS — Lorne Michaels is the Tony Soprano of comedy. All comedians dream of appearing on Saturday Night Live, and the decision starts and ends with Lorne Michaels. He’s been known to randomly fire people, presumably because he no longer thinks they’re funny. The guy even fired Adam Sandler from the show, with no explanation. Lorne is also the guy that suggested Conan O’Brien to take over for David Letterman, after Letterman left for CBS. He can clearly spot talent. So why does he make my list? Because I want to gossip with him about every single person that appeared on Saturday Night Live. What’s the dirt, Lorne?

That’s it for now. I’m sure I’ll update this list as time passes. If any reader out there knows any of these people, and would like to forward this along, be my guest. I’ll buy you a coffee for the hookup.

Attention Hollywood — Stop Making Shows About Twitter

Sure twitter is interesting when it’s three in the morning and I’m suffering from insomnia.  But when I exit cube-dom at the end of the day and turn on my television, I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less than watch a show about Twitter.  The new concept is called Shh, Don’t Tell Steve, and it’s based on the somewhat entertaining tweets of a man about the ridiculous happenings of his roommate. Can’t the Hollywood creanderthals think of anything more interesting?  I realize that a person’s twitter page might be interesting, but then scoop up the tweeter as a writer, instead of actually making a show about the tweets itself.  What’s the next step?  A show about what it’s like to be a Starbucks barista, inspired by a creanderthal’s morning coffee run?  Oh that’s right — they don’t get their own coffee.

Hottie of the Week: James Tupper

I noticed a very good-looking man on the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy, and I had to look him up, so I could add him to my desert-island-list.  He played Dr. Andrew Perkins.  So who is James Tupper, anyways?  His career-launching role was in Men in Trees, where he met his current girlfriend, Anne Heche.  Tupper also played a doctor on the short-lived NBC television series, Mercy.  Here’s hoping he has more than one episode on Grey’s Anatomy, because the man sure is yummy.  Oh yeah — did I also mention he’s a great actor?  But isn’t looks more important?  I confess — I’m a superficial Dishmaster.

Best Television Commercial Jingles

If Uncle Jesse from Full House were still on television, he might be out of a job. Television jingles are, unfortunately, a thing of the past. In honor of my childhood, I’ve posted a list of some of my favorite jingles. Enjoy!

DOUBLEMINT GUM — I used to chew this gum, while imagining myself as a blonde twin riding a double-bicycle while flashing my pearly white teeth.  Then I got a cavity, and the fantasy was over. 

TOYS R US – Remember the days when you would walk into Toys R Us and there was an entire wall of cute toys, and you wanted every single one.  Now I walk into Toys R Us and I’m flooded with strange pool toys.  Where’s my damn silly putty?!

MENTOS – I used to ask my mother for gum, and she’d say, I don’t have gum, but I have Mentos.  To this day, I have no idea what Mentos is.  Is it a gum or is it a mint? Perhaps someone could explain it to me.

BAND AID — This commercial is fortunately still around.  The jingle was written by Barry Manilow, and he probably could have retired from this commercial money alone.

BIG RED — Oh how I loved Big Red.  At least for the two minutes of flavor.  Good enough, though.

CHILI’S BABY BACK RIBS – I’ve never liked Chili’s, but I certainly liked this commercial.  In fact, since I began writing this post, I can’t get the jingle out of my head.  Dammit!

1-800-MATTRESS — This commercial plagued me for most of my childhood.  I remember thinking, “why do they leave off the extra ‘S?’  Could they not have thought of a better jingle that incorporated the last ‘S?'”  When I brought this up to my friends, they looked at me, puzzled, and said, “who cares?! Don’t you have more important things to worry about?”  The answer is no.  I’m a crazy lunatic that thinks about mattress commercials.  Hence, this post.


Lifetime Doesn’t Get It — Tim Gunn Removes His Video Critique

There is only one person in the entertainment industry that properly gives fans a behind-the-scenes look at a television show, and that’s Tim Gunn. Gunn discussed the debauchery of the Project Runway producers in his Facebook video blog, and he later removed it because it created a “hurtful reaction.” I’m sure this “hurt” was experienced by the producers that he outed (he even used their names) as incompetent during his episode recap. Gunn said that the challenge simply didn’t “make sense,” as Jackie Kennedy would not be caught dead in American sportswear. He even divulged that he crashed the runway to interrupt the judges, because he felt they were being unfair to his designers who had trouble understanding the ridiculous challenge. No need to explain that Lifetime edited out Tim’s tirade, because they don’t know what makes for good television. There is an important lesson to be learned here. Not only do the Lifetime producers have trouble managing their own show, but they also have trouble understanding the importance of Gunn’s video blogs. If they were creatively adept, they would surely air them on the Lifetime website, because they are better than the show itself. Get your act together, guys. To watch the video, click the link below. Gunn may have removed it from his Facebook page, but not before it was grabbed by other bloggers.

TIM GUNN BASHES LIFETIME