Yahoo Nixes Home-Work — Employees Return to the Office

yahooAccording to a newly leaked memo, Yahoo! has nixed it’s work-from-home flexibility, and employees are now forced to return to the office, regardless of outside issues, including family obligations. The move has sparked controversy, given the current rise in telecommuting and the endless studies on how working from home actually increases productivity, rather than decreasing it.

Allow me to take this opportunity to monologue about why Yahoo!’s choice is enraging. First, the only reason to work at the office is to cater to a micro-managing boss. Second, 89% of all office meetings are for the purpose of pow-wowing about nonsense instead of churning out change (see The Dishmaster for more baseless statistics). Third, if I have to go to a gynocologist for a standard pap smear, I should not have to justify my office departure with a sick day (see The Dishmaster’s guide to talking to your boss about vagina checkups for more information). Lastly, I’ve worked for a corporate monster, and 78% of all employees are miserable, mostly because they feel as if they are in prison for eight hours per day. And misery DOES NOT increase productivity. Flexibility creates happiness, and happiness increases productivity. It appears that the age-old I-have-diarrhea excuse will soon make a comeback.

NOTE TO ALL READERS OF THE DISHMASTER: Feel free to share my article with your boss, especially if your boss works at Yahoo!

The New Yorker Defends Anne Hathaway. #WTF

Anne HathawayA writer by the name of Sasha Weiss took the time to write a ridiculous piece defending Anne Hathaway by explaining why she’s unlikable, and it nearly made my head explode. According to Weiss, the public dislikes her because “she represents the archetype of the happy girl, which is one that many people resist.” There are also other ludicrous explanations that I cannot repeat for fear that I’ll become physically ill. I resent the implication that the public likes to take “happy-girls” down a peg.

If Ms. Weiss is reading this, I’d like to educate her on the true reason for the public’s dislike. Hathaway appears inauthentic, insincere, and disingenuous. The public likes authenticity, and that’s why Jennifer Lawrence has become so popular. You cannot fake these things. If you practiced your Oscar speech in front of a mirror your entire life, then it will appear canned — as it did. Furthermore, who on earth would think it’s okay to utter something as pretentious as “Here’s hoping that someday in the not too distant future the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories and never in real life.”

Anne Hathaway Addresses Haters — “They’re Anti-Matter”

Anne HathawayTo honor the last day of Black History Month, I’ve posted Anne Hathaway’s I-Have-A-Dream speech. Enjoy!

Lindsay Lohan v. Pitbull — The Blame Game

Lindsay_LohanIn 2011, Lindsay Lohan filed suit against Pitbull for using her name in the lyrics to “Give Me Everything,” in which Pitbull proclaims, “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” Lohan alleged that this violated her privacy and publicity rights and caused her emotional distress.

Late last week, Lohan’s lawsuit was dismissed. US District Judge Denis Hurley ruled that the lyrics are a protected work of art under the First Amendment, and that even though the song was created and distributed to make a profit Lohan’s name was not “used for ‘advertising’ or ‘purposes of trade’ within the meaning of the New York Civil Rights Law.”

In Pitbull’s countersuit, his attorneys asked the court to sanction Lohan for filing a frivolous claim. The judge did not find Lohan’s suit to be frivolous, but he did impose a $1,500 fine on Lohan’s Long Island attorney, Stephanie G. Ovadia, for an “affront to the court,” — the briefs she filed were plagiarized from various sources. The judge said that “the vast majority of the opposition appears to have been taken from other sources without any acknowledgment or identification of those sources.” Moreover, while trying to defend or excuse the plagiarism, Lohan’s attorney made certain representations to the court that the judge found to be “undoubtedly false.”

In a smashing display of grace under fire, the Long Island attorney – who hired another attorney, Pery Krinsky, for the sanctions motion – tried to blame an attorney from Queens for the plagiarism, submitting that the Queens attorney acted as co-counsel for Lohan in the suit against Pitbull.

When reached for comment; however, the Queens attorney said he was not co-counsel for Lohan. “I do not believe in blame games,” he said, adding that he filed papers with the court that affirmed he was not co-counsel. “My affidavit clearly says that I was not an attorney for her.”

There are at least two lessons to be learned here. One, rap is an art, so don’t hesitate to express yourself. Two, Lindsay Lohan should not be allowed to choose her own attorney.

Quote of the Day: Angelica Huston Talks Jack Nicholson Love Affair

AnjelicaHuston_CoverBy_JohnJayCabuay“Jack is someone I’ve adored in my life and will continue to love forever. I don’t take him lightly. As it happens, we had a really lovely conversation on the phone yesterday—a conversation that started off a little bumpy and wound up just completely wonderful. That’s a real relationship. Real relationships have continuity, and Jack and I have a deep abiding love and affection for each other. I’m proud that we’ve gotten through some very tough times together.” Angelica Huston, on her on-off relationship with Jack Nicholson whom she dated for 16 years.

To read the rest of her interview with The Saturday Evening Post, click HERE

Mike Doughty Releases “Sunshine” Video — WATCH

There’s no bigger fan of Mike Doughty than The Dishmaster. His cool-guy sensibility is unmatched, and so is his unique voice. Watch his video for “Sunshine” below, in which, to quote Doughty himself, he “duets with the ghostly voice of John Denver.”

The First Lady Mom Dances — WATCH

You know you scored big when you landed 11 million YouTube hits and you got the First Lady to participate in one of he funniest bits ever. Watch Jimmy Fallon and Michelle Obama “get moving.”

Vintage Song Pick: Melanie Safka — “Brand New Key”

A song that never gets old. Thank you, Melanie Safka. And if you want to participate in my vintage song pick selections, please email Info@TheDishmaster.com with your selections.

Should the United States Have Detained Emad Burnat? — Michael Moore is Outraged

5_Broken_Cameras_Movie_Poster_LargeIf you make a film that is critical of the United States of a United States ally, does it stand to reason that the United States will and should give you extra attention when you enter its country? It’s an intriguing question that folks like Michael Moore seem to think has a definitive answer. Unlike Michael Moore, I believe the line to be squishy.

When Michael Moore’s friend, Palestinian filmmaker Emad Burnat, was detained by immigration officials at the Los Angeles International Airport on his way to attend the Oscars for his film, 5 Broken Cameras, Moore was outraged, and his outrage has caused subsequent controversy after Guardian columnist and blogger Glenn Greenwald called out Buzzfeed reporter Tessa Stuart for inaccurately downplaying what happened. According to Greenwald, Stuart allegedly used a government official as her source, and any such official would obviously be biased.

Now that I’ve summarized the events, allow me to make my point. My issue doesn’t surround the length of Burnat’s detention. It’s whether the United States had the right to take extra precautions. Is it really relevant that the man was invited to the Oscars? If our national security is at issue, then he should be detained. It’s clear Moore felt no such security was at issue, and this was akin to profiling. But is racial profiling okay if it pertains to our safety?

Maksim Leaves Dancing With the Stars — Was He Fired?

MAKSIMIf there’s anything I know about the entertainment industry, it’s that executives are not kind about letting you out of your contract to do “other work,” especially when it might hurt their ratings. While I know nothing about Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s contract, rumor has it he’s tied up until 2015, which means his option for this season was not exercised. My guess is he’s a pain in the ass and ABC has had it. My theory is especially curious, considering many of the well-known professional dancers are not returning. That being said, Maksim was one of my favorites, and I’m sad to see him go. Here’s hoping he returns someday.