Heidi Klum Joins America’s Got Talent — Fourth Judge Frenzy

America's Got TalentIn what can only be described as confusing, Heidi Klum has joined America’s Got Talent as its fourth judge. The fourth judge format is completely lost on me. When America’s biggest talent show began with a three-judge format (see American Idol), you’d think every other talent show would duplicate the choice. In fact, even American Idol has violated its original vision.

As soon as the fourth judge is added, the show becomes more about the panel than the talent. Time gets taken, bickering begins, and the contestants fade away into an unmemorable existence. The only explanation for this perpetual failing has to be that the creative teams are insecure about their judge selections, and they hope to assuage a backlash by providing the audience with additional options. If there’s any other reason, I’d like someone to explain it. As for Heidi Klum — though I like her on Project Runway, I’m shocked that she’s not bound to an exclusive deal. Doing this show waters down her brand. Perhaps Lifetime consented because they think exposing Klum to a larger audience will boost their own. Who knows.

Leno Out, Fallon In? Late-Night Rumors Resurface

The Tonight ShowHere we go again. Rumor has it that NBC is looking to replace Jay Leno with Jimmy Fallon as the host of The Tonight Show when Leno’s contract expires in 2014. Though Leno still has competitive ratings, NBC allegedly fears that Kimmel is a strong contender for the coveted 18-34 market, and when Leno’s star fades, CBS might poach Kimmel if Letterman retires, which will tank NBC. Too confusing? Here’s a shorter summary: Leno has an expiration date, and NBC wants to stay ahead of the game before Kimmel becomes king.

While NBC needs a game plan, since they have yet to get a hit show on the air, my suggestion is that they find the right team of people to make creative decisions before they become doomed with another late-night debacle. The first one was embarrassing enough, and they won’t survive another. So until I see a ratings surge in other areas, I’d hold off on trusting the executives behind these “rumors”

Celebrity Apprentice Debuts — Bret Michaels Fired — Trump is Nuts

Only Donald Trump would score one his greatest All-Stars of all time and then fire him to prove a point. It’s astounding, especially considering that it’s a bad ratings move. When I first saw that Trump had an all-star cast, I naturally assumed I’d see the return of Piers Morgan, John Rich, and Joan Rivers. Instead, he landed most of his losers and insulted the only guy with drawing power. Furthermore, when an entire task is predicated on a celebrity’s fundraising Rolodex, it makes for boring television. Most of the donating stars don’t show up on television, and the show becomes a waiting game for the final money-count. What made Bret Michaels a badass wasn’t his ability to garner money, it was his intelligence and creative choices on each task. To deprive me of watching him at his best is infuriating. Watch the new-season trailer below.

Is Seth MacFarlane a Misogynist? Hollywood Hypocrisy Hits a High Note

Seth Macfarlane OscarsEqual opportunity offenders always get a pass. The reason? Because if you offend everyone, then it’s clear your heart isn’t actually advocating the joke. But it seems most news outlets have forgotten that Seth MacFarlane took universal digs during his gig as Oscar host, and they are only focusing on his misogyny, most notably his “boobs” song and dance, and his dig at Adele’s weight. As for the Jews? Well, who really cares that he made an anti-Semitic joke when he disrespected women, right?

As a woman, allow me to say that my panties are not in a knot. Hollywood women are notorious for overtly sexualizing themselves on every magazine cover, and constantly consenting to gratuitous on-screen nudity. If you want equality, then act equal. Don’t spread your legs on a Maxim cover and then ask for MacFarlane’s respect. Furthermore, lighten up.

Visual Effects Industry Dying — No Piece of the Pi

Life of PiDuring the 2013 Oscar telecast, the visual effects (VFX) winner for “Life of Pi,” Bill Westenhofer, had his speech interrupted when he began to talk about the pending bankruptcy of the film’s California-based visual effects house, Rhythm & Hues. Mr. Westenhofer was clearly attempting to bring attention to an issue worthy of the nearly 500 protesters (many of them laid-off Rhythm & Hues workers) outside the building that night.

The main source of contention for the visual effects industry lies with foreign tax subsidies and cheap labor that draw jobs overseas. The employees represented their outrage with signs that read “we want a piece of the Pi,” and “respect for VFX.”

Over the course of the week, the protest has spread via Twitter and Facebook. In a display of solidarity, the VFX community has plastered social media pages with blank green screens to show what effects-heavy films would look like if we no longer had VFX artists and designers to create elaborate digital worlds and action sequences; films like “Avatar” and “Life of Pi” were largely shot against green screens, with the backdrops created in post-production. An industry blog, VFXSoldier, has served as a hub for members of the VFX community to vent and gather information.

Dave Rand, an artist from Rhythm and Hues, explains that the aim of the ongoing protests is “awareness… We are trying to enlighten the studios that they are taking their racehorse and beating it to death.”

And cutting Westenhofer short at the Oscars was rubbed some folks the wrong way. “It’s particularly galling that the FX guy, speaking about a protest that was happening outside that directly addresses the financial realities that are starting to damage the FX community in a way they may not be able to fully recover from, was cut short at a ceremony where they actually had a computer-animated character give away an award on live television,” wrote Drew McWeeny, an editor at HitFix.

In a press room interview at the ceremony, the award-winning Westenhofer got the chance to elaborate on his concerns. “The visual effects are definitely in a challenging position right now… I wanted to point out that we aren’t technicians. Visual effects is not just a commodity that’s being done by people pushing buttons. We’re artists, and if we don’t find a way to fix the business model, we start to lose the artistry,” he said.

The protests lodged by the VFX community seem to be timely, if not long overdue. Rhythm & Hues is not the only high-profile FX house to take a hit recently. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Pixomondo, a German company that won an Oscar for “Hugo” last year, is closing its offices in London and Detroit because of financial strain. Moreover, DreamWorks Animation is set to cut about 350 jobs — that’s 15 percent of its staff.

I suspect that changes in how movies are made have progressed so rapidly that the industry as a whole, and Hollywood in particular, have not been able reflect on what it all means for the future –- both short and long term. As for the dysfunctional business model, many suspect that for last 10 years, the biggest FX houses have only wielded 5-6% profit margins. Some observers suggest that a highly competitive bidding process has created a race-to-the-bottom, with FX houses accepting very low bids to do what might become award-winning work. Moreover, the increasingly unpredictable production schedules add to an already existing strain for both the FX houses the VFX community in general.

The VFX community has done a great job in getting heard, and here’s hoping the industry takes note. When a business model demands change, the first step is awareness, and the next step is to induce desperation. If it’s true that studios will be left with nothing but a tigerless green screen, someone will wake up.

Celebrity News Rundown — Weekly Gossipy Greatness


 

 

  • Anne Hathaway might have “thrown a fit” over Amanda Seyfried’s matching Oscar dress. Dlisted
  • Rachel McAdams & Michael Sheen split. ET Online
  • Christian Slater is engaged. Showbiz Spy
  • Carmen Electra wants to adopt. Exposay
  • Michelle Williams & Jason Segel broke up. Refinery 29
  • Andy Samberg is engaged. TV Guide
  • Adrienne Maloof skipped her Real Housewives reunion. TMZ
  • Rihanna can’t stop talking about Chris Brown. PopEater
  • Ben Aflleck’s little daughter got scared of the paparazzi. Wet Paint
  • Tori Spelling is unhappy about divorce rumors. SheKnows
  • Britney Spears’ sister is engaged. Socialite Life
  • Charlie Sheen is Lindsay Lohan’s mentor. W.E.N.N

Bloomberg Bans Soda — Attack-On-The-Fat

bloombergOnce upon a time, I lived with a certain individual that asked me to remove candy from our apartment. She insisted the temptation was too much, and asked me to respect that our different metabolisms meant she could not engage in my habits. I thought long and hard about the request, and I chose to keep the candy. Why should I forgo my indulgence for someone who over-indulges?

When Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced his plan to limit the size of soft drinks sold in restaurants, movie theaters, stadiums and arenas to no more than 16 ounces a cup in a bid to fight obesity, I thought of my former living-mate. I also thought of 1984, a tedious high-school book I read that now seems to be a greater reality. Orwell would be outraged.

While I’m not opposed paternalism, it sure as hell better work. And limiting soft drinks only punishes small businesses and consumers like myself while doing nothing about obesity. I like my big coke at the theater, and since I only drink it once a month, I’d like the government to back off. Furthermore, what about those cheesy nachos? Are those next?

Yahoo Nixes Home-Work — Employees Return to the Office

yahooAccording to a newly leaked memo, Yahoo! has nixed it’s work-from-home flexibility, and employees are now forced to return to the office, regardless of outside issues, including family obligations. The move has sparked controversy, given the current rise in telecommuting and the endless studies on how working from home actually increases productivity, rather than decreasing it.

Allow me to take this opportunity to monologue about why Yahoo!’s choice is enraging. First, the only reason to work at the office is to cater to a micro-managing boss. Second, 89% of all office meetings are for the purpose of pow-wowing about nonsense instead of churning out change (see The Dishmaster for more baseless statistics). Third, if I have to go to a gynocologist for a standard pap smear, I should not have to justify my office departure with a sick day (see The Dishmaster’s guide to talking to your boss about vagina checkups for more information). Lastly, I’ve worked for a corporate monster, and 78% of all employees are miserable, mostly because they feel as if they are in prison for eight hours per day. And misery DOES NOT increase productivity. Flexibility creates happiness, and happiness increases productivity. It appears that the age-old I-have-diarrhea excuse will soon make a comeback.

NOTE TO ALL READERS OF THE DISHMASTER: Feel free to share my article with your boss, especially if your boss works at Yahoo!

The New Yorker Defends Anne Hathaway. #WTF

Anne HathawayA writer by the name of Sasha Weiss took the time to write a ridiculous piece defending Anne Hathaway by explaining why she’s unlikable, and it nearly made my head explode. According to Weiss, the public dislikes her because “she represents the archetype of the happy girl, which is one that many people resist.” There are also other ludicrous explanations that I cannot repeat for fear that I’ll become physically ill. I resent the implication that the public likes to take “happy-girls” down a peg.

If Ms. Weiss is reading this, I’d like to educate her on the true reason for the public’s dislike. Hathaway appears inauthentic, insincere, and disingenuous. The public likes authenticity, and that’s why Jennifer Lawrence has become so popular. You cannot fake these things. If you practiced your Oscar speech in front of a mirror your entire life, then it will appear canned — as it did. Furthermore, who on earth would think it’s okay to utter something as pretentious as “Here’s hoping that someday in the not too distant future the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories and never in real life.”

Anne Hathaway Addresses Haters — “They’re Anti-Matter”

Anne HathawayTo honor the last day of Black History Month, I’ve posted Anne Hathaway’s I-Have-A-Dream speech. Enjoy!