RHOBH Exit Stage Left: Teddi Mellancamp

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS — Season:10 — Pictured: (l-r) Garcelle Beauvais, Denise Richards, Lisa Rinna, Kyle Richards, Erika Girardi, Dorit Kemsley, Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave — (Photo by: John Tsiavis/Bravo)

The Real Housewives franchise is cleaning house, and many of the toxic OGs are getting the axe. The latest casualty might not be an OG, but she certainly deserved the heave ho. Teddi  Mellencamp joined The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as a fresh, down-to-earth alternative to the series’ highfalutin energy. As the daughter of John Mellencamp she brought the cool factor but as time went on, she spent more time trying to emulate the other ladies, thereby resulting in awkward outfits, forced storylines, and fake outrage. But that’s not what cost her the diamond.

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‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Season 10 Premiere — Stick a Fork in It… It’s Done

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS — Season:10 — Pictured: (l-r) Garcelle Beauvais, Denise Richards, Lisa Rinna, Kyle Richards, Erika Girardi, Dorit Kemsley, Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave — (Photo by: John Tsiavis/Bravo)

I’ve always viewed the Real Housewives as an aspirational window into the excess of others, but as we now know — most of the marriages have ended, the wealth is questionable, and the friendships are forced. I wouldn’t mind a show — warts and all — but that’s not what we are getting from this franchise, especially with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

The season one premiere of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills felt like a tired attempt to generate drama, especially since the most interesting part of the season is likely the alleged affair between Denise Richards and Brandi Glanville. I say this because instead of a linear approach, Bravo choose to offer viewers a glimpse into what’s to come, which entails the ladies lecturing Denise Richards on being “dishonest” about her personal life. Because most of the ladies are involved lawsuits they have failed to discuss, I find the demand for “honesty” to be laughable.

Mauricio (Kyle’s husband) for example, is accused of selling a home to a man for $32.5 million, but the seller alleges that Mauricio received more lucrative side offers that he failed to disclose to the seller. According to the seller, Mauricio failed to disclose that he partnered with the buyer to purchase the property. Mauricio then allegedly sold the home for $69.9 million just one year later, generating a profit of $37 million.

Kyle has said time and time again that her husband did not sign up for the show and there is therefore no reason to discuss him being sued. But true fans are well aware that Mauricio has featured his business on the show and gained significant free publicity as a result. So he did sign up for the show — just only the good stuff.

As for Dorit Kemsley, her and her husband’s legal woes involve Dorit’s personal bathing suit brand (“Beverly Beach”), which also gained free advertising on the Bravo television platform. According to The Blast, Dorit’s former business partner fronted money to her and her husband and was never paid back. On the season premiere, she casually addressed the allegations, claiming it was settled out of court. She has long claimed that she was unable to talk about the lawsuit while on camera. But as a viewer and a lawyer, I can safely say that the fans never asked for a play-by-play of the lawsuit, they simply wanted on-camera honesty that the lawsuit did in fact exist. Unlike Shannon Beador of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Dorit continued to pretend that her luxurious life was infallible. She finally mentioned it on the premiere, but it’s too little too late.

Erika Jayne’s husband was also sued, but I will leave that one alone because I actually believe— unlike Kyle and Dorit — he did not sign up for the show. He is never featured, and I therefore do not believe a woman should have to answer for her husband’s job/decisions/way of life.

We are in a trying time right now with the Covid-19 pandemic, and I am fully aware that this was taped prior to our current state. But RHOBH was going downhill even before we were hauled up in our houses. With the loss of Lisa Vanderpump, the rising intolerance for women-v-women verbal sparring, and our shrinking middle class, excess is off-putting — especially when it’s fake.

Porsha Williams Attacks Kenya Moore — Everyone’s an A**-HOLE

It’s easy to win your war of the words when things turn violent. Of course the other person is at fault when fisticuffs ensue, right? So when Portia Stewart pulled Kenya Moore’s “hair” during the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, the tabloid media took her down. “Violence is never okay,” said host Andy Cohen in a behind the scenes discussion that conveniently took place in front of the cameras. Stewart was arrested for the event and Cohen feels she owes Moore an apology. But all this insane nonsense ignores the elephant in the room. WHERE’S MY APOLOGY? For years Andy Cohen and the buffoons at Bravo have continued promoting a disgusting show with disgusting women whose diva antics are celebrated on every mainstream outlet imaginable. Their tits are fake, their tirades are toxic, and their livelihood is compromised for a smidgen of fame and a small paycheck. Get a real job, get a real life, and green-light a good show for once. I’ve had it.

Real Housewives Clip — Gretchen’s Fashion Faux Pas

This can’t-miss clip represents all the Real Housewives, whose fashion choices are consistently questionable. From Lisa Vanderpump’s pink-on-pink color-clashing, to Kyle Richards’ everything-must-match moments, these ladies have an anti-luxe overload. Watch Vicky Gunvalson’s hilarious description of Gretchen Rossi’s “trench coat/dress.”

Cher on Tom Cruise: “He’s a Top Five Lover”

Cher stopped by ‘Watch What Happens Live’ for Andy Cohen’s gay parade, and the elated host asked the icon to dish the dirt on her favorite lover of all time. She then disclosed the news heard round the world: Tom Cruise is in her top five. Watch below.

Ray J Talks Kim Kardashian Sex Tape — ‘Watch What Happens Live’

Kim Kardashian has consistently denied that she released her own sex tape, and I’ve consistently thought otherwise. For starters, it looks like a professional movie, and everyone whose anyone knows that sex tapes are in-the-moment recordings that usually yield unflattering results. And let’s not forget Nick Cannon’s recent revelation about Kim’s fib. As for Ray J, he’s never confirmed the self-sale, but he did take the time on Watch What Happens Live to explain the level of effort he put into the tape.

Heidi Klum Joins America’s Got Talent — Fourth Judge Frenzy

America's Got TalentIn what can only be described as confusing, Heidi Klum has joined America’s Got Talent as its fourth judge. The fourth judge format is completely lost on me. When America’s biggest talent show began with a three-judge format (see American Idol), you’d think every other talent show would duplicate the choice. In fact, even American Idol has violated its original vision.

As soon as the fourth judge is added, the show becomes more about the panel than the talent. Time gets taken, bickering begins, and the contestants fade away into an unmemorable existence. The only explanation for this perpetual failing has to be that the creative teams are insecure about their judge selections, and they hope to assuage a backlash by providing the audience with additional options. If there’s any other reason, I’d like someone to explain it. As for Heidi Klum — though I like her on Project Runway, I’m shocked that she’s not bound to an exclusive deal. Doing this show waters down her brand. Perhaps Lifetime consented because they think exposing Klum to a larger audience will boost their own. Who knows.

Patti Stanger Insults Gays and Jews

Not only is Patti Stanger a bad matchmaker, but she’s also an insensitive prick and borderline bigot. When a gay man called into Andy Cohen’s show asking Stanger how to find a serious relationship, she said, “there’s no curbing the gay,” and insisted that gay men are incapable of monogamy. That statement was then followed by another caller who said she often finds men who “tell her what she wants to hear,” at which point Stanger said, “are they Jewish?” When Cohen asked her to clarify, Stanger said, “Jewish men lie.” Excuse me? It’s no secret that The Dishmaster is Jewish, and it’s also no secret that I have no tolerance for bigoted jokes founded on stereotypes. And as an aside, the “lying thing” is not even a stereotype — it’s straight up trash-talk. And can Ms. Stanger please send me the statistics on her matchmaking success? Because if you throw enough sh*t at the wall — something might stick. But she doesn’t get credit for that — the sh*t does.