Howard Stern is currently on a third week of vacation in the last month, and I smell a rat. Either the man accrued a ton of vacation days just in time for his contract renegotiation, or he is making a ridiculous attempt to show Sirius his worth. If Stern saw this post, I know he would call bull-shit, and probably tell me that Sirius is well-aware of his worth. I’d respond by telling him he’s an egomaniac, and not even $500 million dollars would quench is ego-stroking thirst. So what’s the hold-up on his contract? If you listen to his radio show, you would hear him say that “no negotiation is taking place” at the moment. Translation? “I told Sirius my terms, and they have to meet them — I’m not negotiating.” Though I’m unaware of his terms, I imagine he wants the following: more vacation time than he has now; the same or more money; and permission to start the show an hour later (7 am). I’m also almost positive that he doesn’t want to get tied down to a multi-year contract again, and only wants to re-sign for one year, which is something I’m sure Sirius would reject. Does this mean we will lose Stern forever? No-fucking-way. The man loves the sound of his own voice way too much for that. Plus, I’m not sure what I would do without my daily Howard Stern radio show. He cannot abandon his listeners, and I’m confident he won’t.
Tag: Howard Stern
Sylvester Stallone Says Tim Burton Ruined Action Stars
Sylvester Stallone discussed his new film, The Expendables, on Howard Stern, and he explained his very interesting theory that the Michael Keaton and Tim Burton Batman film, ruined action stars. The reason? — body suits. Stallone contends that Tim Burton introduced the body-suit, which comes with built-in muscles. That means that scrawny guys like Michael Keaton and Tobey Maguire can play action heroes, and guys like Stallone, who were valuable because of their real muscles, are no longer needed. Who knew Stallone was so darn cerebral? The theory actually had me scratching my head for a bit, and then I asked myself a very important question. If I was about to be attacked in a dark alley, would I want a spandex version of Tobey Maguire to rescue me, or a muscle clad Stallone dressed in ordinary clothes? I’d pick Stallone. Something tells me Tobey’s unitard wouldn’t help me much. // ]]>
How Kim Kardashian Stole Paris Hilton’s Life
While some might think that Kim Kardashian catapulted to the spotlight from her sex tape, the truth is that Paris Hilton is to blame. The two were best friends, and because the papparazi were constantly photographing Paris, Kim got attention as a bystander. When people started asking about Paris’ sidekick, it was revealed that Kardashian was actually the daughter of OJ Simpson’s lawyer, Robert Kardashian. With the Kardashian name and the Paris friendship, she only needed one more thing to solidify her Hollywood status — a sex tape. To this day, Kim says that the sex tape leaking was “humiliating.” Despite her attestations, I’m convinced she planned the entire thing. Why? Because if you saw her sex tape (yes, I saw it), you might notice how well-lit it is. That’s contrary to Paris Hilton, whose sex tape (yes, I saw that one too) is almost barely visible, indicating that it was never intended for the public to see. When Kim told Howard Stern that she “learned a lot” from Paris, I wonder if she meant, “I learned how to properly light the room for a sex tape.” But a sex tape isn’t the only thing Kim copied. Paris used the media attention to land a reality show, The Simple Life, and immediately became a household name. Like Paris, Kim also landed a reality show, only hers was a shrewder move, given that Kim’s show is not about how incompetent she is. She instantly became more likable, and avoided the media scrutiny that Paris received about being “famous for nothing.” On top of that, she makes uber-bucks off club promoting, which was also Paris’ territory. Paris and Kim no longer speak, and according to Kim, Paris cut her off for reasons she has yet to understand, though she has hinted at Paris’ jealously. My guess? Paris feels used. Sure there’s room for everyone, but Kim bascially carbon-copied Paris’ life.
Ellen DeGeneres Wows With So You Think You Can Dance Performance (Video)
I hate to admit it, but I really like Ellen DeGeneres. I suppose it’s a begrudging admission because the great Howard Stern loathes her, and I desperately want to agree with him. But I just can’t. I love her show, and I actually liked her as a judge on American Idol — though I know she was wrong for it. She furthered my favor on last night’s So You Think You Can Dance, where she performed an easier version of Twitch and Alex Wong’s amazing hip-hop routine, and it was pretty funny. I find it interesting that she can continue to expand her resume without watering down her image (even when her choices don’t necessarily work). That’s contrary to Howard Stern, who exclusively stays with radio. Not that I’m comparing the two, but I must defend someone when it’s necessary. Watch the performance below, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.
Was Howard Stern’s “Vacation” Really a Contract Negotiation?
There was something very suspicious about Howard Stern’s vacation last week. One week before that vacation, he was off the air for two weeks on a vacation that he announced. So does it really make sense to take those vacations so close together? Even for Stern, who is an avid vacationer, it seems fishy. Plus, this one was not announced. My theory? Stern took the full-week off to renegotiate his contract. Adding to my speculation is Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin’s recent conference call with investors, where he said that he expects an announcement about Howard Stern’s status with Sirius prior to September. Though I initially thought Stern would leave, I now think he’ll stay. He’s too much of an ego-maniac to leave the air altogether, and I can’t see him returning to the much-regulated “terrestrial” radio. Also (and this is a cheesy stretch), I would like to think that he wouldn’t abandon his staff during this economic crisis — because he has a heart.
Damon Lindelof Is a Good Sport — Offers Angry ‘Lost’ Tweets
Damon Lindelof, one of the creators of Lost, recently proved that not only is he a good sport, but that Twitter serves a very constructive purpose. While accepting Lost’s TV Critics Association Award for Best Drama Series, Lindelof read his angriest tweets about the Lost ending. New York Magazine compiled the best ones, and I’m recycling it, because it’s just that good. I like a guy that has a sense of humor about himself. This isn’t the first time that Lindelof mentioned his detractors. He also discussed Howard Stern bashing the ending on his radio show, and said that while it’s difficult to hear someone you idolize bash your show, it’s also very exciting to hear someone you idolize mention your name at all. Read the twitter-hatred below.
• “Hey, douche! Instead of backpacking in Europe or whatever the fuck you’re doing, how about you give me six years of my life back?”
• “My very first tweet. I started this account just to let you know how disappointed I am in you.”
• “Has anyone accused you of being an emotional terrorist yet? And research these words: closure and actual explanations.”
• “You suck. Please don’t ruin Star Trek by ending it in Klingon purgatory.”
• “You’re a dirty liar. You never knew, you made it all up, you betrayed us all. You betrayed me and I hope you rot, motherfucker.”
Jon Favreau on Mel Gibson: “Hopefully Talent Wins Out”
Iron Man director Jon Favreau discussed Mel Gibson on Howard Stern, and he didn’t seem too disturbed by Gibson’s rants, saying he’s “not in a position to judge anyone.” He described Gibson’s descent as a “rough patch” and affirmed that he’s one of the most talented directors out there. Am I missing something? Does Gibson have incriminating tapes on Favreau that we don’t know about? Favreau’s main point was Gibson’s talent, and that it would be a shame if his personal life permanently ruins his career. But would it really be a shame? I don’t know about you, but the idea of Mel Gibson’s personal life tanking his career is fine by me. For some reason Hollywood consistently caters to douchebags, and justifies it by citing their “talent.” Sometimes mediocrity isn’t so bad, especially when it avoids giving paychecks to abusive Anti-Semites.
Howard Stern and Larry King — Two Cranky Jews in a Mud-Pit
Larry King and Howard Stern are in a very funny feud. If you listened to Stern today, he’ll tell you that the feud began when Larry King said in an interview that Howard Stern would not be a good replacement for him, as he is “tasteless,” “worthless,” and “the lowest common denominator.” Stern did not take too kindly to this, and went on a tirade about King, calling him a “lucky fu*khead who got away with murder with his career.” First of all, I enjoy Stern’s play-by-play about how King started this, considering Stern has dedicated many hours of his show pretending to be Larry King’s wife, who he says tried to kill herself because she had to have sex with King. I actually give King credit for having a little fight in him. Unfortunately for King though, he doesn’t have 5 hours of interview time to rail on Stern. It’s probably not a fair fight.
Ringo Starr Wants You to Celebrate His 70th Birthday With “Peace and Love”
It’s Ringo’s birthday today, and he has asked that we all put our fingers in the air, and say “peace and love.” Many of you might have forgotten where Ringo’s words “peace and love” initially came from. Though the words sound kind, he actually said it during an online message urging fans to stop writing him. “Please do not send fan mail to any address that you have, nothing will be signed,” said Ringo. “I have too much to do, and it will be tossed.” I often get angry when celebrities take such foul attitudes, but for some reason I found this to be absolutely hilarious. And I’m not the only one. When Paul McCartney was asked by Howard Stern about Ringo’s message, McCartney started laughing and said “that’s just Ringo. He has always been that way.” Watch Ringo’s message below.
Howard Stern is on Vacation – AGAIN!
I understand that Howard Stern is probably the only uber-successful person in the entertainment industry that still has to work tortuous hours, but if you are going to spend every other week on vacation, you better make damn well sure that your programming is in order. For two weeks straight, Stern is playing “The History of Howard Stern,” presumably because Howard Stern is an insatiable ego-maniac. Chris Rock just appeared on the show, and said that he called Stern on his personal number the last time he was on vacation, and told him to “stop playing this crap.” Stern thought it was a prank call, and immediately hung up. He then assured Chris Rock that his listeners “love” ‘The History of Howard Stern,” and it’s the most popular thing they play. Here’s a little tip that I hope Stern reads: when the funniest man in America tells you that your content sucks – your content sucks. It wouldn’t bother me so much if Stern’s actual show was available on his other channel. That’s right – Stern has two channels for programming, and neither one is playing his radio show. Instead, you’re either stuck hearing every mundane detail of Howard Stern’s existence, or listening to the boring radio hosts that Stern cherry picked to broadcast on his other channel. You might question my Stern loyalty after reading this post, but I assure you that I’m a fan. And as a fan, I’d like to listen to the show. Further reading: Was Howard Stern’s Vacation Really a Contract Negotiation?
Update: One of my readers pointed me to this article. If you want to know how many vacation days Stern takes, click here.
Update #2: Apparently, I’m not the only one annoyed by this. To hear Hitler’s reaction to Howard Stern’s vacation time, click here.