I am an avid reader of Movieline, and I notice that they have recently shifted focus and become a bit of a high-school bully. First they called Jennifer Aniston “box-office poision,” which I proved in a previous post is unequivocally false. Now they have gratuitously attacked one of my favorite actors, John Slattery. In reference to Slattery’s new gig as the spokesperson for Ford Motor Company, Movieline said that it’s good for Slattery, but bad for Ford, since Slattery is only known for his unlikable character on Mad Men. First of all, John Slattery is most known as the politician from Sex and the City (at least in my world, anyways). I’d buy just about anything from someone that starred alongside my beloved Carrie Bradshaw. Also, I ran into John Slattery at a bar in Los Angeles once, and he watched my belongings while I went to the restroom. In Hollywood, that’s equivalent to saving a puppy from drowning in a river. So yeah — I love him.
Tag: Jennifer Aniston
Courtney Cox Calls Cougar Town Nakedness “Brave” — I Disagree
Courtney Cox has once again discussed the Cougar Town scene where she poses in her bra and underwear, and exposes her “flaws.” Apparently, both she and Jennifer Aniston thought the scene was “brave.” Though I find her confession adorable, is there anything brave about a hot chick posing in a bikini? Sure, she’s forty, but her body is flawless, despite her protestations that her stomach has “changed” since having a child. What “change” is she referring to? The flatness? The abs? If you click the link below, I think you’ll agree. Here’s my suggestion: give me a role on Cougar Town and have me pose in a bikini. Now that would be brave.
This Just in: Gwyneth Paltrow Can Sing
For some reason, Gwyneth Paltrow is in the company of many leading ladies that get slaughtered in the press (that list includes Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman — to name a couple). Paltrow has been in the press a lot lately, primarily for her new film role, Country Strong, and almost every headline asks whether she can actually sing. Allow me to put this to rest — the answer is yes — she can sing. I’ve known this information since seeing her in Duets, and apparently Ryan Murphy agrees, because he just cast her in Glee. Listen to one of her songs from Duets below.
Just My Imagination – Babyface & Gwyneth Paltrow by mylifetrakz
Today’s Gripe: No More Birthing Scenes in Movies
Many very enjoyable films and television shows are destroyed by a gratuitous scene of a woman giving birth. It’s been done a million times, in both comedies and dramas. The only time I have ever seen it done successfully, is in the film Nine Months, and the title itself explains why it was necessary. So with the news that Kristen Stewart’s character, Bella, will be giving birth in the upcoming Twilight movie, I’m reminded of why I’ll avoid the next installment. It’s gross and unnecessary, and for some reason it’s lauded as some incredible acting accomplishment. Remember when Jennifer Aniston got an Emmy the same year she gave birth to Ross’s baby on Friends? And if you saw Jennifer Lopez’s recent film, The Back-Up Plan, then you subjected yourself to another beyond repulsive birthing scene, that was an ill-attempt at humor. We all know the many ways a woman gives birth, and I’m sure for the parents it’s a beautiful experience. But it’s not my baby you’re giving birth to — so don’t show it.
John Mayer Slams the Word Slam — He’s my Hero
Amidst John Mayer’s war with the Huffington Post, I noticed something worth mentioning. After using a clever analogy to attack HuffPo’s negligent “fact checking,” he gave them a title for their next post. Here it is: “JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: ” GO F**K YOURSELF!’” I imagine that the Huffington Post would have actually used that title, had he not beat them to the punch. I appreciate Mayer giving me an excuse to slam the word “slam,” because it’s a personal pet peeve. Almost every celebrity tabloid uses it for their title, even if its completely arbitrary. I conclude that unless “slam” is used in a sexual context, it should be abandoned altogether. To prove my point, I’ve listed some recent tabloid titles below.
- Actor Slams Fabricated Affair with Rimes. Popeater
- Witherspoon Slams Simpson. Teen Hollywood
- Kristin Chenoweth Slams Newsweek’s Homophobic Article. Just Jared
- Gerard Depardieu Slams Juliette Binoche: She is Nothing. Huffington Post
- Boy George Slams Lady Gaga Over Cocaine Confession. Pop Crunch
- Kelly Clarkson Slams Record Label on Stage. Digital Spy
- Jennifer Aniston Slammed for Using R Word in Interview. New York Post
- Taylor Momsen Slams Rihanna. Teens Press
John Mayer Calls Huffington Post: “A Stripper Wearing Reading Glasses”
The world has officially ended when John Mayer starts to make sense. Mayer is pissed at the Huffington Post for reporting that he is back together with Jennifer Aniston. Apparently, HuffPo got their story from a recent Mayer concert, where he said some cryptic words on stage, that led to an arbitrary assumption that he was referencing an Aniston reunion. Mayer explained the real meaning of the quote, and then went on to attack the Huffington Post, for pretending to be something they aren’t. According to Mayer, he’s fine with Star Magazine and In Touch, because of their definitive tabloid identity, whereas HuffPo is disguised with a high-brow, hard-news image. And if his stripper analogy didn’t blow your mind, he also called them “an insolvent law student willing to dance for extra dollars.” Mayer is slowly removing himself from my Hollywood douchebag list. Keep the analogies coming!
Dear World, Leave Jennifer Aniston Alone
I’m forced to defend Jennifer Aniston. Though her incessant throat-clearing on Friends still peeves me in syndication, I’ve often made a habit to defend underdogs. You might be asking yourself how Jennifer Aniston is an underdog. I’d like to point you to a review of The Switch by Mr. Wesley Morris of the Boston Globe. It begins with the line, “the romantic comedy has never had a star as depressing as Jennifer Aniston.” Seriously? Usually I would ignore this and file it away in my prick-dom archives, but a summary of negative reviews for The Switch, provided by the Los Angeles times, exposed many other needless Jennifer Aniston insults. Many of these critics like to list almost every one of her movies, as examples of how consistently terrible she is. In response, I am going to do the same — only I am going to use money to justify her success — unlike these male critics that solely use their menopausal temperament as a barometer. Here goes: Marley and Me grossed over $200 million worldwide; Along Came Polly grossed over $150 million; The Break-Up grossed over $200 million; and Bruce Almighty grossed over $450 million. Translation? She’s a successful film actress. So why the Aniston backlash, and the constant jabs at her being single and childless? I don’t know. All I know is that George Clooney is perpetually single as well. Like Aniston, he was married once, has dated around, and never married again. Does anyone say that he “can’t find a woman?” Or that he is “desperate and childless?” In summation, I would encourage Mr. Morris and all other critics to take the she-hating stick out of his ass.
The Secret Behind Glee’s Success
There is a very specific reason that Glee is successful. The show made its stars, and not the other way around. Confused? Here’s my theory in a nutshell: Glee creator Ryan Murphy, cast a group of unknown talents. He did his homework, instead of lazily casting famous actors to avoid risk. Almost every hit show in television history started with unknown actors. For example, did you ever hear of Jerry Seinfeld prior to Seinfeld? What about Ray Romano before Everybody Loves Ramond? Or Ted Danson before Cheers? How about Jennifer Aniston before Friends? Certainly there are some clear exceptions to my general rule. The two main exceptions are Kelsey Grammer’s move from Cheers to Frasier, and Mary Tyler Moore’s move from Dick Van Dyke to Mary Tyler Moore. But overall, recycling stars doesn’t work, and it’s unfortunately prevalent in today’s television world, which is flooded with creatively devoid executives that can’t be bothered to search for unknown talent. I won’t mention the very famous stars on the recent, failed television shows. Why? Because I hope to one day get invited to celebrity shin-digs, and I can’t very well accomplish that if I bash A-listers.
‘The Switch’ Bombs — Are High-Concept Movies Doomed at the Box-Office?
Jennifer Aniston’s film, The Switch, tanked at the weekend box-office, and many are citing it has her fall from grace. Since I loved the film, I’m left scratching my head as to why it failed. My guess? High-concept films are doomed from the start. Though it didn’t bother me that the entire plot was given away in the trailer, I’m guessing it bothered others, who didn’t feel the need to watch the movie, fully knowing how it would play out. Remember Jennifer Lopez’s recent flop, The Back-Up Plan? That was another high-concept movie, which also revealed too much in the trailer. There was a time when movies didn’t need these over-the-top concepts to gain financial success. When Harry Met Sally, for example, was a little film about platonic friendship, and it’s one of the greatest romantic comedies in history. It didn’t need a woman who was impregnated with the wrong sperm — the dialogue and characters were enough. But without all this useless plot-glitter, films just don’t get made these days. An action film needs $100 million worth of CGI created explosions, and romantic comedies need sperm issues. I yearn for the good-old-days of high quality writing, when the most complicated concept was meeting at the empire state building at the same time (if you don’t know what movie that is, you should be ashamed of yourself).
Movie Review: The Switch
I loved this movie, which surprised me considering the reviews are so terrible. Much of these ridiculous critics call the movie “predictable.” Explain to me how you make an unpredictable romantic comedy. Does someone have to die at the end? Because that’s all I can think of, and in that case it’s more of a Greek tragedy than a romantic comedy. Yes, It’s predictable that they will end up together, and the trailer pretty-much gives the entire movie away. None of this bothers me in the slightest. In fact, if I ever go to a romantic comedy that throws me an uninvited curve-ball, I often find myself so infuriated that I want to kill the writer. Remember that horrific ending to My Best Friend’s Wedding? Or how about The Break-Up? The true star of The Switch is Jason Bateman, and everyone else is merely a catalyst for him to show that he’s finally hit his stride as an actor. Jennifer Aniston, whom I usually love, came across as relatively cold, and I found myself biding my time in all of her scenes, waiting for the return of Bateman and Thomas Robinson, his adorable on-screen son. Robinson’s insane resemblance to Bateman had me wondering who’s responsible for such a genius casting selection. We all know the plot, so I won’t bore you with the details. All I will say is that the movie is worth seeing in the theater.