Far be it for me to poo all over someone else’s happiness, but is it really necessary to get a 20.5 carat engagement ring? According to the newly engaged Kim Kardashian and her fiance Kris Humphries — there’s no limit when love and wealth are involved. Can we chop that ring up into little pieces and send it to a homeless shelter somewhere? Let’s just hope she has security guards around her 24/7, because nothing says “mug me” like a gigantic and accessible diamond with a publicized worth.
Category: General
Loveline Will Air on AOL — Not the Same Without Adam Carolla
For years I’ve been wanting to see Loveline on television again. It was one of my favorite shows growing up, and it taught me everything I didn’t want to know about third nipples. I was so obsessed I even caught the evening radio show after watching it on MTV. Since Adam Carolla left the show, it has never been the same. Carolla says he left because he was strangely offered a much lower salary, which led him to think someone wanted to push him out. The disloyal Dr. Drew chose to continue the show without his much-need partner in crime, and Mike Catherwood is his current co-host. If you saw Catherwood on Dancing With the Stars, then I don’t need to explain why Mike Catherwood is not exactly . . . entertaining. So does it really make a difference that AOL will start to air video of Loveline? Bring back Adam Carolla!
Vintage Clip: Kirstie Alley Tells Larry King About Her Oprah Bikini Moment
I’ve developed a new love for Kirstie Alley lately, mostly because of her incredible performances on Dancing With the Stars. While watching some recent clips, I came across her interview with Larry King below, where she discusses her choice to appear on Oprah Winfrey’s show in a bikini. When King asked her “what she was thinking,” Kirstie accused him of looking disgusted by the clip. She then explained that she didn’t know the clip would live on forever, and she just figured she’d pose once and then be done with it. Here’s hoping she gets a show on Oprah’s new network where all she does is prance around in a bikini.
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Quote of the Day: Howard Stern on Building a Career
“If you want to take your life and ride around on a bicycle, just do me one favor. When things aren’t going well for you when you’re older and u don’t have health insurance and you don’t have any money in the bank because you spent your youth riding a bicycle instead of building your career, I don’t want you complaining, and I don’t want you going on welfare, and I don’t want you asking me for a handout. That’s all.” Howard Stern on his staff-member’s terrible decision to quit Stern’s radio show so he could bicycle around the country for an entire year.
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Best Freestyle on Dancing With the Stars
Kirstie Alley is my favorite contestant in the history of Dancing With the Stars. The goal of the show is to find someone that you can watch progress throughout the season, and Kirstie Alley embodied that. Plus, she’s lost so much weight in such a short period of time, I find myself doing cartwheels in her honor. On tonight’s finale, Kirstie and Maks stole the night with their freestyle. It’s not that it was the most technically perfect, it just had the most heart. It also doesn’t hurt that Maks is an Adonis of beauty. Seriously — he hurts my eyes.
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Quote of the Day: Zach Galifianakis on his January Jones Experience
” . . . if I remember correctly, she and I were very rude to each other. It was crazy. I was at a party — I’d never met her — and she was like, ‘Come sit down.’ So I sit at her table and talk for ten minutes, and she goes, ‘I think it’s time for you to leave now.’ So I say, ‘January, you are an actress in a show and everybody’s going to forget about you in a few years, so fucking be nice,’ and I got up and left. And she thinks that’s funny?” Zach Galifianakis’ take on his awful January Jones encounter, after recently hearing that she called him “the most naturally funny man she’d ever met.”
‘The Hangover’ Director Todd Phillips Insults Howard Stern’s Robin Quivers — Total Jerk!
‘The Hangover’ director Todd Phillips called Howard Stern today to promote his sequel, and he’s officially on The Dishmaster sh*t-list. First, he sounded exhausted and boring, and second, he took aim at Robin Quivers, saying he was “over her.” When Stern prodded, Phillips said she upsets the rhythm of the show, and she’s “changed for the worse with her constant interruptions.” I’m sure Quivers incited his anger after insulting his film, ‘Due Date,’ saying that no one saw it. When Phillips informed Quivers that the movie made “$200 million” worldwide, Quivers responded with, “from where? Thailand?” Clearly the guy can’t take a joke, because his retaliation was far worse than her original insult. Since I’m a huge fan of both Robin Quivers and Howard Stern, I’d like to tell Todd Phillips to suck it. Also — he should go to bed early the next time he makes a Stern appearance. That might help with his boring disposition.
Curb Your Enthusiasm Returns! — Season 8 Promo Released!
The greatest part of the promo for the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, is when Jeff Garlin calls Larry David a “social assassin.” Some people are moved by shows that involve hospitals or court rooms, but I’m not one of those people. Personally, I’m moved by an angry, Jewish curmudgeon who reminds me that even though I constantly complain, there’s someone out there who is far worse. Watch below!
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Rihanna & Britney Spears Perform at Billboard Music Awards — Leotards Galore!
Tonight was a big night for Britney Spears. Though she’s appeared on different shows, she has yet to perform at an awards show since the MTV Video Music Awards debacle. When I first heard she’d be performing at the Billboard Music Awards, I thought it was a tabloid rumor. Then I heard the details, and it immediately became clear. Rihanna carried it, and Britney did a brief, one minute performance. Overall, it was fine. Since I’ve attacked Britney Spears for her lack of choreography, I’d like to note that Rihanna’s performance indicates that choreography isn’t essential to success.
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Dancing With the Stars’ Hines Ward — NFL’s “Dirtiest” Player
While catching up on last week’s ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ I thought to myself, “gee, that Hines Ward is such a cuddly teddy bear. In fact, I just want to hug him and pinch his cheeks.” Since I don’t know much about him, I decided to do some research. Turns out, he’s not so cuddly after all. Two years ago, Ward’s peers voted him the “dirtiest player” in the NFL. Apparently, he broke the jaw of Bengals’ Keith Rivers, with a “surprise downfield block.” I put that line from Sports Illustrated in quotations, because I have absolutely no idea what it means, so I’m unable to paraphrase. And in case that annoys you, please make a personal phone call to my father, whose sibling favoritism resulted in my brother’s attendance at every football game. But enough about me. Anyways, Ward responded to the criticism by saying, “when I go across the middle, those guys aren’t going to tackle me softly and lay me down to the ground. That’s not football. I find it ironic that now you see a receiver delivering blows, and it’s an issue. But I haven’t changed. I’ve been doing it this way for 11 years.” Again, I have no idea what “going across the middle” means, but it sounds serious. Authentic teddy bears are hard to find, I suppose.