Kat Von D and Jesse James Back Together — Tweets Kissing Photo

For those that know me personally, you might have heard me discuss some of my many, insane phobias (they are endless). One such phobia is a man’s nipples. I don’t know their purpose, and I try not to even look at them for fear of being repulsed. In fact, if I touch a man’s nipple during [insert activity here] — it’s traumatic. So why am I using this blog as a personal journal, instead of remaining professional as the “online journalist” that I am? Because Kat Von D and Jesse James are re-engaged, and Von D posted a twit-pic of her and James kissing — with James’ shirt off. You’ll have to see it to understand why I will lose sleep for years. Click the link below.

KAT VON D AND JESSE JAMES KISSING

Dear Bravo — Don’t Air the Russell Armstrong Footage — It’s Immoral

Do reality shows destroy people’s lives, or are the types of people who choose to be on reality shows already destroyed? It’s impossible to know the answer, but what I do know is this — when a network discovers that someone they filmed has committed suicide, I don’t care whose fault it is — they shouldn’t air the footage. If they choose to not to listen to me, I’d say they are scum sucking maggots that may or may not rot in hell. In case you’re unfamiliar, Russell Armstrong of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, has committed suicide, and the network has extensive footage of his life leading up to his death. Rumors are circulating that they filmed him in marriage counseling with his wife, Taylor Armstrong, who recently filed for divorce claiming that Russell was physically abusive during their marriage. He killed himself shortly after the press exposed other violent incidences in his past, along with his financial troubles. I have no idea what went on behind closed doors, but I’d venture to guess that it certainly didn’t help his inner turmoil to have Bravo expose his life. Sure, he chose the path, and there’s certainly enough reality shows on the air to understand the risk taken when joining a cast like this. Having said that, the guy killed himself. Bravo should take that footage and burn it.

Gerard Depardieu Urinates on an Airplane — Pisses in Defiance!

There have been moments in my life where I’ve used my words to annihilate ridiculous people. And it’s during those verbal brawls that I often think, “can’t I just punch you in the face instead? Wouldn’t that be easier? Surely this schmuck will understand his idiocy if I beat him up.” Don’t worry kids — I’m not suggesting violence is the answer — but I am suggesting it’s crossed my mind from time to time. One such individual who found an alternative to violence is Mr. Gerard Depardieu, who urinated in the aisle of an airplane after the stewardess forbade him from using the locked restroom while the plane “ascended to cruising altitude.” The stewardess has been described as “dumbfounded,” and I can’t think of a more laughable term. Hats off to Gerard for finding a happy medium between words and violence. Who knew it existed?

Taylor Swift wears Granny Panties? — She’s a Genius!

Taylor Swift’s skirt flew up at a recent concert, and the blogosphere is taking aim at her choice of underpants, calling them “granny panties.” There’s a very important point that’s being lost here. Taylor Swift is a calculated genius. She obviously chose those under-garments as a safety measure IN CASE her skirt flew up, and it worked. I’m sure she doesn’t go on dates with men in those things — only I would do that.

Adam Carolla Insults the LGBT Community — Gives Crappy Apology

I used to love Adam Carolla. In fact, I thought he was the next Howard Stern. Then I started listening to his radio show after he took Stern’s terrestrial radio spot, and I quickly realized he’s not even close. Aside from the fact that he’s not nearly as self-realized or honest as Stern, he’s also a mean spirited asshole. His most recent debacle involves statements about transgendered people, asking “when everyone got lumped in with the gays,” and insisting that the LGBT community should drop their current acronym and insert ‘YUCK’ in its place. According to reports, Carolla previously said on ‘Loveline’ that gay parents are not as good as straight parents. To think that my original beef with Carolla involved his arbitrary insults toward other comedians such as Jim Breuer and Chelsea Handler. It’s fair to say that I now have something much more legitimate to be angry about. Carolla responded to the controversy, saying, “I’m sorry my comments were hurtful. I’m a comedian, not a politician.” Nice try, Carolla. You can’t make an insensitive joke at a time when gay bullying is such a sensitive issue and expect to get away with it.

Kathy Griffin on Conan — Does Conan Have Audience Issues?

Being the dedicated “online journalist” that I am, I often watch late-night interviews. One of my favorite late-night guests is Kathy Griffin, who consistently kills it. So when I watched her on Conan O’Brien, I couldn’t help but notice the uncomfortable laughs from the audience, and it felt a bit like she was tanking. Then I came to a very powerful realization — and it’s one that Conan’s people should listen to. His audience sucks. Almost every guest appears to be tanking, including comedians. The audience is either not laughing, or there are some sound issues that make them feel too far way from the guest. Are they not properly warmed up? Perhaps Conan’s team should watch Chelsea Lately, because her audience seems to erupt in laughter on a per minute basis. Is Chelsea just funnier than Conan? I doubt it. Get on the ball, Coco.

Quote of the Day — Is Andy Dick an Anti-Semite?

“He’s a nice guy underneath all the Jewyness . . . . I have no problem with his big fat hook nose . . . and his money grubbing Jewyness. . . . He’s a shallow money-grubbing Jew.” — Andy Dick’s anti-Semitic rant on Howard Stern after Stern canceled Dick’s show because of Dick’s inappropriate antics.

Tara Reid Married Zack Kehayov NOT Michael Lilleund

Somewhere out there, Michael Lilleund is crying. And not for the reason you might think. You know how when you breakup with someone you rarely want to even mention their name, for fear of Post Traumatic Relationship Stress taking over? Well, unfortunately for Tara Reid’s ex-boyfriend, the entire world is mentioning his name, and that’s because the press mistook him for her new husband. And since I’m feeling heartless today, I’ve mentioned the guy’s name in this post, because it’s just too damn funny not to discuss. I wonder if he received a slew of congratulatory phone calls followed by angry yelps of, “I’m done with her!!!” and “It wasn’t me!!!!” I sure hope the guy has a sense of humor.

Tabloid Gossip — Breakups, Makeups, and Babies

  • Joy Behar got married to her “spousal equivalent” after 29 years together.  dlisted
  • Brooke Burke married her long-time hottie boyfriend, David Charvet.  Los Angeles Times
  • Paula Abdul has a new boyfriend. In Touch Weekly
  • Reggie Bush might be trying to stop Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries.  Hollywood Life
  • Heather Locklear is engaged to Jack Wagner.  People

Quote of the Day: Howard Stern on the Office Putz

“The bigger the office, the bigger the putz.” Howard Stern on why he’s proud of the small office he designed at Sirius.