Why Didn’t Katie Couric Announce Her CBS Retirement on CBS?

If there’s a public interest in losing your job, you might as well cash in on it, right? When Barbara Walters asked Katie Couric if she was leaving CBS during her appearance on The View, Couric squirmed. At the time, I knew why. She didn’t want to give The View a huge amount of press with nothing in return. Why not make some money on your job loss? Couric chose People Magazine for her big announcement, and I imagine they paid her a pretty penny for the revelation. If there truly wasn’t bad blood between Couric and CBS, she might have gladly given CBS the free publicity.

Is Charlie Sheen Being Courted to Return to ‘Two and a Half Men’ — I Guess Yes

Despite everything you read in the press about Charlie Sheen’s Two and a Half Men firing, I’m still 100% convinced CBS wants him back. Though I have no inside information on this one, I know Hollywood — which means I know that it’s ruled by money, and no amount of shenanigans is worth losing hundreds of millions of dollars for. And let’s be clear — Charlie Sheen’s firing will cost CBS that amount of money, because he slaughtered their cash cow. Sure, they could “replace” him, but it will never be the same, and those shows without him will hurt CBS’ syndication money. If I were Les Moonves, I’d take Charlie Sheen back in a second. Yes, he’s crazy. But the combination of Charlie’s 60 million dollar loss, along with CBS’ lost syndication money — makes a perfect match for his return. Crazy or not.

Bret Michaels Sues Tonys and CBS for Head Injury — Dumb Move?

There’s an unwritten rule in Hollywood that you don’t sue the the big dogs, because the amount of money you’ll win from your suit won’t equal the amount of money you’ll lose from “never working in this town again.”  If you’ve ever attended a private high school, then you might understand the Hollywood clicks and connections.  That’s why I was shocked to read that Bret Michaels sued CBS and the Tonys for the injury that occurred during the 2009 Oscars.  I imagine that the actual cause of action is negligence, because Michaels argues that he wasn’t properly instructed how to exit the stage to avoid the set falling on his head.  He claims that the head injury ultimately resulted in his brain hemorrhage six month later.  Though he could probably win for the head injury that occurred during the show, I doubt he’d win for the subsequent brain hemorrhage.  To win, Michaels has the hefty task of proving that, if not for the set falling on his head, he would not have suffered the brain hemorrhage, which is virtually impossible.  There’s no definitive way of identifying what caused the hemorrhage.  This suit is therefore not worth burning Hollywood bridges.  At the very least, you probably won’t see Michaels at the Tonys again, or on any CBS show.  That’s a big bridge to burn.  As an aside, thank goodness for this law school thing.  Without it, I wouldn’t be able to properly analyze the consequences of having a Rock of Ages set fall on your head.  Isn’t education wonderful?  Watch Bret get flattened by the set below.

Charlie Sheen Fired From Two and a Half Men — a $60 Million Dollar Mistake

Warner Bros. (the studio that produces Two and a Half Men for CBS) announced the end of Charlie Sheen today, firing him before the remainder of the season. I’m actually shocked by the news, not only because I ‘thought the studio would rather take the personal risk of employing a crazy actor, than the financial risk of killing their cash cow. Having said that, Charlie Sheen’s antics just cost him $60 million dollars, and then some. Because the show was shut down prior to the remainder of the season, that means CBS doesn’t have to pay Charlie Sheen for the eight episodes that went un-produced. Let me break this down in simpler terms to make the point clear. When actors sign television contracts, they get paid per episode, for “all episodes produced.” For example, if Sheen was fired mid-season, and then Stamos was hired to take his place, CBS would have to pay both Stamos AND Sheen, because Sheen’s contract said he gets paid for every episode produced in that season, whether he’s in the episode or not. Unfortunately for Sheen, CBS shut down production entirely, before finishing the last 8 episodes of the season. Translation — if the episodes weren’t made, then Sheen doesn’t get paid. Since Sheen makes 2 million dollars per episode, that means he just lost 16 million dollars. If only he could have contained his crazy for the rest of the season — he might have been able to hold off a predictable future bankruptcy a little longer (has he learned nothing from Nic Cage?). He also could have just acted like a normal human being and stayed on the the show until it ran it’s course. Just to make your jaw drop at his stupidity, just one more season of Two and a Half Men at $2 million per episode would have likely earned him $44 million. That’s a total of $60 million. Sheen’s lawyer is currently arguing that he should be paid for the remaining eight episodes of the current season, even though Warner Bros. never produced them. Good luck, Charlie.

Why is the Press Interviewing Charlie Sheen?

There’s a handful of celebrities I’ve retired from my blog, and Charlie Sheen is about to join the list. He’s currently doing a self-destructive press tour, and the media is thrilled. Why not interview someone when they’re hitting bottom? It makes for good television, right? Though Sheen now denounces AA, I don’t. That means he will have to forgive me for using the standard terms that he currently loathes. Sheen has clearly relapsed, and he’s a sick man. His behavior wouldn’t be so upsetting if it didn’t cause so many people to lose jobs. Because CBS shut down production of Two and a Half Men, many hard-working, under-paid employees are losing their paychecks, which is extremely sad. I feel sad for Charlie and I feel sad for the crew.  That being said, the media needs to stop preying on a man when he’s clearly ill.  Have some moral integrity.

Howard Stern on David Letterman — Proves He’s a Legend

There’s no entertainer that I respect or love more than Howard Stern.  I listen to him daily, and if we weren’t alive at the same time, I would insist I was a reincarnated version of him.  He’s an angst-ridden, neurotic Jew with overbearing parents, and he always says what’s on his mind no matter how controversial.  I often watch his old interviews, and his David Letterman appearances are legendary.  He recently appeared on Letterman to promote the new Sirius phone app, and true to form, he hijacked Letterman’s show.  Because Stern is the greatest interviewer on the planet, he’s incapable of being interviewed himself, and he basically turns every appearance into an extended version of his own radio show.  In the interview below, he told Letterman that his staff needs to stop writing books and producing movies and start focusing on how to beat Jay Leno in the ratings.  He also said that no one gets fired at CBS except for him, and he cited Letterman’s staff member “shenanigans” as an example.  Stern said he asked all the women backstage if they’ve slept with Letterman.  Watch below.  It starts at minute five.

Marissa Jaret Winokur Leaves The Talk — My Prediction Was Correct

I hate being right sometimes.  I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really do hate being correct when it involves someone’s job.  About a month ago, I wrote a post about how Marissa Jaret Winokur might be fired from The Talk, as she’s rarely ever seen on the show.  It’s now official.  Marissa and CBS “mutually parted ways.”  I actually really liked Marissa on the show, but I know about Hollywood head-counts, and where fat can be trimmed — it will be trimmed.  Plus, it is absolutely ridiculous to have that many panelists on The Talk.  Without Winokur, there are still five women, one of which also needs to go.  I won’t tell you who though, because here at The Dishmaster, I try to be positive.  After all, someone told me last night that I “come off as very negative,” and because I’m actually an inherently positive person, I refrained from telling him to “go fu*k himself.”

Why is Charlie Sheen Invincible in the Press?

There’s a lot of theories floating around on entertainment news shows about why Charlie Sheen seems to get away with his bad behavior.  Many people blame CBS, saying that they would never fire Sheen for bad conduct because the television business is all about ratings, and Two and a Half Men is still a big hit on the network.  Though I’d take just about any opportunity to bash network suits, I’m going to make an exception this time around.  Charlie Sheen is still likable because he owns up to his behavior.  He was recently caught doing drugs with a hooker in a hotel room, which didn’t come as a surprise since everyone already knows Charlie Sheen does drugs and sleeps with hookers.  He’s never tried to snow the public by presenting himself as an upstanding, moral family-man.  Look at Oprah, for example.  She’s practically Jesus, and she’s openly admitted to drug use and having sex with a married man.  Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods are unforgiven because they tried to dupe the public into believing they were flawless.  If Tiger presented himself as a womanizer from the very beginning of his golf career, I think he would have ended up just as popular as he ultimately became.  So what’s the moral of the story?  You’re free to snort cocaine off a hooker’s stomach — just own up to it.

Why Doesn’t Sara Gilbert Discuss her Relationship on ‘The Talk?’

There’s something very annoying about CBS’ new show, The Talk, and it isn’t Leah Remini’s incessant yelling.  It’s Sara Gilbert, who never openly discusses her relationship on the show.  Gilbert is an executive producer and co-host, and you might remember her as Darlene Conner on Roseanne.  She came out of the closet in 2010, and she has has been with her partner, Allison Adler, since 2002.  So what’s my problem?  Gilbert has not mentioned her partner once since the show began, despite every other panelist discussing their significant other.  In fact, the premise of the show (besides being a blatant rip-off of The View), is that it provides a support system for mothers, because the ladies often discuss their personal struggles on the show.  So wouldn’t it be appropriate for Gilbert to mention Adler?  I understand that everyone finds their own way to talk about things, but if you join a talk show, and you’re not completely open about your personal life, I have a problem.  If she isn’t ready to discuss it, then she shouldn’t have signed on to the show.  Besides, this is a perfect forum for her to educate people on her personal life, and it could potentially help other same-sex couples with their own struggles.

Was Marissa Jaret Winokur Fired From ‘The Talk’? — All Signs Point to Yes

There’s something very suspicious going on over at CBS. The network’s new talk show, also known as a rip-off of ‘The View,’ started off with six hosts, and now their down to five. So who’s missing? It’s Melissa Jaret Winokur, who was announced as a co-host and then mysteriously disappeared after day two. So was she fired? All signs point to yes. Leave it to Hollywood executives to debut a television show and sack a co-host with no explanation. Did they think that no one would notice? If they did, they were right, because no other bloggers seem to be inquiring about her departure, which is either good news or bad news for ‘The Talk.’ I guess the two people watching the show didn’t notice that someone was missing. As an aside, this poor girl can’t catch a break. She was also allegedly fired from her hosting gig at Dance Your Ass Off, because the producers felt she was too overweight for the job. Come to think of it — she probably dodged a bullet. Something tells me ‘The Talk’ won’t be on the air for long.  Further reading: Marissa Jaret Winokur leaves The Talk — my prediction was correct.

UPDATE: She’s still on the show, but I predict someone is going to get kicked off that show sooner or later.  There is an unnecessary amount of women.