It's Not Gossip, It's Commentary
“I really wish they’d do away with that. Lying to children and telling them that there’s a guy named Santa and it really exists and you have to look your kid in your eye and lie. Kids are scared out of their minds by that story. There’s nothing comforting about a guy in a red outfit breaking into your house and doing weird sh*t.” The Jewish Howard Stern on Robin Robinson, an anchor at Fox Chicago, having to apologize for telling children there’s no Santa.
If you’re a Howard Stern fan, then you know that Stern consistently complains about his brutal fans who often bog-down his message board with critical comments. According to Stern, he’s stopped reading the comments altogether because of the emotional abuse. So when I heard about Stern’s ‘Celebrity Superfan Roundtable’ I thought: “what a great idea. Get a bunch of your famous friends in a room and listen to them massage your ego.” There’s just one problem. Stern’s celebrity fans are just as bad as his regular fans. I listened to the audio below to discover Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks tearing apart Howard’s new, 3-day-per-week format. Though I agree that I want more of Howard, Maines was merciless, saying that his content has become to “crammed-in.” She also suggested that he eliminate his other channel altogether. And let’s not forget about Survivor’s Jeff Probst who argued that people might forget about Stern given his limited shows on the air. At one point, Probst asked the dumbest question in history, when he said, “How important is Howard to the Howard Stern show?” Seriously, Probst? Can Howard Stern please verbally accost his “superfans” the next time he’s on the air?
Howard Stern’s insane success and career longevity is largely due to knowing his limitations. So when I heard that he’s in talks to replace Piers Morgan on ‘America’s Got Talent,’ I became immediately bothered. Sure it’s a good gig that pays a lot, and he’d likely be great at it. But he has an identifiable brand to uphold, and if he starts to take jobs outside of his coveted radio show, he risks ruining that brand. Plus, the Stern fans are an underground community of devoted followers and I don’t want a cookie-cutter audience getting a piece of my man. Hands off, NBC.
I hope the Academy just learned a lesson about the ramifications of being puritanical hypocrites. Eddie Murphy predictably stepped down as Oscar host after learning that his friend, Brett Ratner, “resigned” as the show’s producer. The Academy likely fired Ratner without realizing the risk of losing Murphy. The Ratner debacle began with a series of loose-lipped interviews, most notably his quote that “rehearsal is for fags.” Had they fired Ratner immediately after he made the bigoted remark, I’d be fine with it. But that’s not why he was fired. Ratner was fired because of his candid Howard Stern interview, in which he detailed his sex life, including making Lindsay Lohan get an STD test prior to sleeping with her and being “in love with eating pus*y.” Though I detest Brett Ratner, there’s an underlying lesson to be learned here — you can use bigoted words, but you can’t openly discuss your sex life. You know . . . because that’s inappropriate. And despite my Ratner hatred, losing Murphy as a host should have been enough to keep Ratner. I predict a very boring Academy Awards this year.
Alexis Stewart appeared on ‘The Today Show’ to promote her new book, ‘Whateverland,’ and it’s obvious she should immediately check into therapy. First, she was clearly annoyed by the Martha Stewart related questions, which is hilarious considering the book would never be published without her mother’s name. Second, she co-wrote the book with Jennifer Koppelman-Hutt, who she’s no longer friends with. When asked why the friendship ended, Stewart gave vague answers, but reiterated a quote from her book, saying, “If you want to punish somebody, never talking to them is a good method.” It didn’t surprise me that Koppelman-Hutt couldn’t answer the question either, given her recent appearance on Howard Stern where she divulged she has absolutely no idea why Alexis banished her from her life. What exactly happened during Alexis Stewart’s life to make her such a horrible, angry person? And furthermore, who wants to buy an advice book from someone that needs twelve of their own? Perhaps the ‘Whateverland’ title should be changed to “Why-I-Gratuitously-Drop-My-Friends-And Hate-Life.”
If you watched David Arquette’s jive last night on Dancing With The Stars, you might have noticed him say a strange word during his post dance discussion with Brooke Burke. So what is “Baba Booey”? For all the non Howard Stern fans out there, “Baba Booey” is the nickname of Howard Stern’s producer, Gary Deli’Abate, and random Stern fans everywhere often shout out this nickname on national television as a tribute to their radio hero. The best part of Arquette’s shout-out is that Tom Bergeron is also a huge Howard Stern fan, and he quickly followed Arquette’s cue by also saying the nickname. I suppose Arquette took Howard Stern’s recent advice to be “more himself.” Watch the 6:30 mark in the video below to see his tribute.
When you work in Hollywood, you’ll find that most of the people in the business are either gigantically douchey or extremely nice. There is no in between. I’m happy to report that David Arquette is the latter. I met him at a Hollywood shin-dig, and as a massive Howard Stern fan, I could not resist approaching him to compliment his Stern appearances. Arquette was incredibly gracious and down-to-earth, so it makes me happy that he’ll be on Dancing With the Stars this season. Though I think he’s a little too famous for the show, insiders tell me that the stars make a considerable amount of money per episode, and with over 20 million viewers each week, it’s probably a smart career decision for Arquette. Plus, who could argue with good PR on a family show? Watch him discuss the contestants with Letterman.