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Not to piss on her burger party, but I’m convinced Heidi Klum is getting bad career advice. Though I support women looking sexy at all ages, this brand has a shelf life, and she’s pushing it past its prime. She needs to start her transition into a more sustainable public image, or she’ll be left by the wayside while younger, hotter chicks take her throne. Sure Jennifer Lopez has managed to pull it off, but Lopez has mastered the art of light and shade, and her brand extends beyond her hot-chick status. Perhaps I’m wrong. After all, The Dishmaster doesn’t know everything. Wait . . . who am I kidding/ I’m never wrong!
Watch the behind-the-scenes footage of her video below.
In what can only be described as confusing, Heidi Klum has joined America’s Got Talent as its fourth judge. The fourth judge format is completely lost on me. When America’s biggest talent show began with a three-judge format (see American Idol), you’d think every other talent show would duplicate the choice. In fact, even American Idol has violated its original vision.
As soon as the fourth judge is added, the show becomes more about the panel than the talent. Time gets taken, bickering begins, and the contestants fade away into an unmemorable existence. The only explanation for this perpetual failing has to be that the creative teams are insecure about their judge selections, and they hope to assuage a backlash by providing the audience with additional options. If there’s any other reason, I’d like someone to explain it. As for Heidi Klum — though I like her on Project Runway, I’m shocked that she’s not bound to an exclusive deal. Doing this show waters down her brand. Perhaps Lifetime consented because they think exposing Klum to a larger audience will boost their own. Who knows.
“To be quite honest, if there is going to be somebody else in their lives, I’d much rather it was a familiar face. I guess the only thing I would have preferred is that. . . I guess I didn’t expect any better from him, I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were . . . . But I guess you now all have the answer that you’ve been looking for for the past seven months.” Seal, on the rumors that Heidi Klum is currently dating her bodyguard coupled with the shocking confession that she cheated.
“They are like this kaleidoscope of interesting thoughts and opinions. They teach you so many things about men that are useful.” “Like what?” our reporter asked. Klum paused, and then made the universal tounge-moving-rapidly-in-cheek motion that signifies blowies. She explained what she’s learned (off the record, of course), and our reporter said she discovered two things: 1) Everything sounds authoritative when said in a German accent, and 2) Seal was a lucky guy.” An excerpt of Heidi Klum’s interview with Allure Magazine, which confirmed the need for homosexuals in her life. As an aside, I too have a lot of gay friends, but unfortunately our conversations involved their unfulfilling sexual experiences with women, and it traumatized me for life.
The most painful kind of breakup is the one that occurs when you’re still in love but can’t make it work. And judging by Seal’s conversation with Piers Morgan, he’s going through that very thing. I’m impressed by his ability to discuss the situation without losing his cool. He’s certainly one of the classiest celebrities I’ve seen. Watch below.
I’ve met Seal. I’m not saying that to brag, I’m saying it to justify that I know he’s an extremely nice guy. So it’s no surprise that he’d handle the Heidi Klum divorce questions with a tremendous amount of grace. As an aside, why can’t these two work it out? They seemed so in love! Watch below.
If it’s true that Heidi Klum and Seal are divorcing, then I think it’s safe to say that I should no longer have favorite-celebrity-couples, because this marks my fourth favorite that is breaking up. The others are listed below. Such a shame. So much for renewing your vows every year.
If you watched the Project Runway finale, you might have noticed, as Tim Gunn says, the judges were “smoking crack.” Nine Garcia and Michael Kors chose the wrong winner, despite Heidi Klum’s protests. As part of their deliberation, Garcia and Kors accused Mondo’s clothing of being “unwearable,” and Heidi insisted that she would wear the polka dot dress. Michael Kors then told Heidi that Mondo didn’t listen to his suggestion by “cutting off the sleeves” to avoid the model looking like a “polka dot sausage.” At the time I heard this, I thought Michael Kors was out of his mind. The dress was incredible, and Heidi kept her word by wearing it to an event. The problem? She cut the sleeves off!! Did Michael Kors successfully bully her twice? I realize that Mondo must adhere to Heidi’s request, but this ruined the dress. Look at the two pictures below, and tell me if you agree.
I have never been so stunned by a Project Runway decision in my the eight seasons of the show. Weeks ago, when I saw Gretchen’s collection, I assumed she was actually a decoy, and I was shocked to discover she made it to the finale. Then, after watching the final show, and seeing the originality of Mondo Guerra’s collection, I figured it would be a very easy choice. Instead, the four judges (including Jessica Simpson) were divided down the middle, and Nina Garcia and Michael Kors somehow bullied Heidi Klum and Jessica Simpson into picking Gretchen. Jessica Simpson surprised me most, because she had the simplest, yet most poignant critique of Gretchen’s collection, saying, “everything looks loose,” and later responding to Nina Garcia and Michael Kors’ excessive rambling by simply saying, “I’m still going with Mondo.” Michael Kors and Nina Garcia picked Gretchen because “she’s what’s happening now in fashion,” despite Heidi’s insistence that this is a high fashion show, and it shouldn’t be about what’s most “wearable.” I imagine that Michael Kors picked the “ready-to-wear” collection, because that’s most aligned with his own aesthetic, given that Michael Kors doesn’t specialize in high-fashion. I’m pissed. I’m pissed that I continued to waste my time watching this season even though the judges made terrible decisions every episode. I’m also pissed that my favorite part of the show was watching Tim Gunn’s facebook video blogs, and Tim Gunn stopped recording the blogs after “hurting a Producer from Lifetime.” And finally, I’m pissed because Mondo deserved to win the finale, and I hate to see someone robbed of their title.
UPDATE: Apparently, Tim Gunn agrees with me. Watch the video below.
