THE DISHMASTER

The North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System held its Destination Celebration spring gala on Thursday, April 25, 2013 at the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum in New York City. Hosted Meredith Vieira and Bravo’s Andy Cohen, the evening included a performance by Harry Connick Jr. and a fireworks show on the Hudson. As The nation’s third-largest, non-profit, secular healthcare system, the evening successfully raised over $21 million for the health system that annually serves 4 million patients across the greater New York area. Enjoy some red carpet pictures below.

SHERRI SHEPHERD

CAROL ALT

CLIVE DAVIS

CAROL ALT & SHERRI SHEPHERD

CHRIS CUOMO & CRISTINA CUOMO

CYNTHIA NIXON

CYNTHIA NIXON & ANDY COHEN

MEREDITH VIERA

CYNTHIA NIXON & BEBE NEUWIRTH

Sherri Shepherd sufficiently confused me on today’s The View, where she discussed the controversy surrounding Paula Deen’s diabetes. Shepherd has openly discussed her own struggle with diabetes, despite also openly maintaining an extremely overweight stature. Though I try not to pick on people’s physical appearance at The Dishmaster, Shepherd’s statements in the video below beg the obvious question — why has no one “shaken” her about her weight issues? Perhaps she needs her own wake up call.

There’s only one sane person on The View, and that’s Whoopi Goldberg. When discussing the Joe Paterno scandal, Sherri Shepherd indicated that Joe Paterno is not a “bad person,” because  he’s not the one who engaged in the child abuse. Um — Did Sherri Shepherd drink the crazy juice today? This was followed up by the even crazier Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s assertion that it’s “unfortunate” that Joe Paterno’s legacy will be about what he didn’t do instead of all the good he’s done. Who are these clowns on The View? I’d write a long statement about what constitutes evil, but it’s unnecessary. I’d rather just bash the ladies of The View. Watch the exchange below, and feel free to fast forward through Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s mundate account of the one thing she remembered from her high school psychology class.

“Sal used to play football. He’s got discipline. He shut it down. We went to Grenada before we got married, and I was horny as a loon and I’m chasing him around the hotel room saying, ‘We can make a mistake!’ And he was like, ‘Jesus is in Grenada too!’ Many, many times I was like, ‘Why did I say this?’” Sherri Shepherd on her difficult decision to stay celibate prior to her marriage.

When I first watched ‘The Talk,’ I knew almost immediately that the show would not survive with its panel of hosts. The women didn’t gel, and the only person that I thought had true talent was Julie Chen, who, similar to Barbara Walters’ role on ‘The View,’ is a real journalist (though there is only one Babs). So it’s no surprise that three of the original hosts have been given the axe. This includes: Leah Remini, Holly Robinson Peete, and Marissa Jaret Winokur. Leah Remini recently admitted to the firing (or “not having her option picked up” as it goes in Hollywood), which I appreciate. There’s no need to develop some elaborate excuse about not wanting to return (hear that Megan Fox?). Though I feel bad for them, this was a good decision on CBS’ part. First, Remini wasn’t funny. She’s an actress not a comedian. Unlike Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Sherri Shepherd, Remini not only lacks the timing necessary to navigate those segments, but she also is the rare breed of annoying, which includes thinking you’re funny when you’re not (at least Julie Chen never attempted jokes). As for Holly Robinson Peete, she just wasn’t particularly interesting or funny. I hate to be harsh, but I’m glad CBS got their act together. There are rumors swirling that Kris Jenner might be the new co-host, which is actually a good idea. Despite my love/hate relationship with the Kardashians, they are relevant — like it or not.

I’ve heard Sherri Shepherd mention this before, and it’s so annoying I’m surprised I didn’t post about it the first time around.  When discussing what cards to send to friends during holiday season, Shepherd says she consistently sends Christmas cards that mention Jesus because “that’s what she believes in.”  When Behar asked if she sends those cards to her Jewish friends, Shepherd said yes, followed by the same ridiculous explanation.  First of all, may I just say that I find it absolutely infuriating when I’m given Christmas cards?  You guessed it — I’m a Jew.  I don’t believe in Jesus, and I don’t want your Jesus card!  Second, it’s incredibly selfish to use your own holiday as a barometer for what card to send out.  Allow me to use an analogy for Sherri Shepherd.  Should I give my friend who is allergic to chocolate a big box of chocolates for the holidays?  After all, that’s what I eat!  And if I eat chocolate, then she should too, right?

No one is a bigger fan of The View than The Dishmaster, but Sherri Shepherd’s commercials during the show must stop.  I understand that the network has to make money, and this seems like a creative way to do it, but it simply doesn’t work.  First, it’s not technically “product placement.”  Product placement occurs when someone within a television show uses a product, and the audience notices it without even thinking it’s a commercial.  It’s akin to your mother sneaking carrots in your brownies.  Second, because it’s completely obvious when Sherri begins to endorse the product, I simply fast forward through it, as if it’s a regular commercial.  See the problem?  This ridiculous idea started when Rosie was on The View, and they tried to continue it after she left.  The difference is that when Rosie gave gifts to the audience she made it seem as if she really used the product and spent her own personal funds to gift the audience with something she genuinely thought they might like.  She wasn’t simply pimping out products because she was paid to do so.

I don’t know a lot of stuff.  But what I do know is that we will never agree on abortion.  I realize that pro-lifers think they can change minds by showing people pictures of fetuses, but I don’t think that works any better than members of PETA showing people videos of chickens being tortured.  You’re either pro-life or pro-choice, and that is that.  I often wonder if they bring up the topic just to test Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s ability to keep her head from exploding.  I’m sick of hearing the topic debated.  Has anyone ever witnessed someone discuss the topic and change their mind in the middle?  I’ve posted an old clip below — but trust me — it’s one of about five thousand discussions on The View about the issue.

There’s a very specific reason I love Barbara Walters on The View. She’s the only sensible lady on the panel, and I often describe her as the Queen of England at a petting zoo. The “hot topic” on yesterday’s show, was the recent scientific explanation about how the wind, and not God, parted the Red Sea. Both Sherri Shepherd and Elizabeth Hasselbeck had a predictable field day with the topic, with Babs filling in for Whoopi Goldberg as moderator. I’ve attached the clip below for your enjoyment, and pay close attention to Barbara’s questions — it’s very funny. She asks both Sherri and Elizabeth multiple times whether they believe in evolution, likely because she was astonished at their response. She also kept asking them whether they believe that everything in the bible should be taken literally, and you’ll have to watch to see their answer. Be careful when you watch it though; your brain might melt.