The Paley Center — Hot in Cleveland — Recap

I was lucky enough to get invited to the Hot in Cleveland panel at The Paley Center.  The panel included: Betty White; Valerie Bertinelli; Wendie Malick; Jane Leeves; and series creator Suzanne Martin.  This was probably the best event I’ve ever been invited to since moving to Los Angeles.  First, it was incredible to see Betty White’s improvisational comedic brilliance in action.  I’ve seen her execute this unique talent on various talk-shows, but seeing it in person will be forever etched in my memory.  White discussed how she only planned to star in the Hot in Cleveland pilot, because her intense work schedule didn’t allow her time for the series.  Because she “has the backbone of a jelly-fish,” as White put it, she relented after much coddling from the studio.   When an audience member asked the panel to choose their all-time favorite co-stars, White said, “Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty.”  I’m not embarrassed to say that I got slightly choked up by her response.  After seeing these women interact, it’s clear to me that they actually like each other’s company.  I can spot a Hollywood lie when I see it, and these ladies are legitimate.  Wendie Malick was also a favorite, not only because she snorts when she laughs, but also because she had a very funny description of Susan Lucci, saying, “Lucci’s so tiny, her leg is as big as my arm.”  Malick also had a hilarious exchange with Valerie Bertinelli.  When Bertinelli said she removed the part of her wall where she measured her son’s height because of its sentimental value, Malick asked, “did the house fall down?”  The panel laughed, at which point Suzanne joked that she gets her material from the actors true personalities.  It’s always fun to see the origin of how great television shows are made, and these ladies certainly delivered the information in an entertaining way.  My only critique involves the moderator, who wasn’t equipped for such a hefty task.  When I turned to my friend to lambaste the moderator’s terrible questions, a woman behind me barked in my direction, saying, “I completely disagree.  She was good because she got out of the way.”  If “getting out of the way” means excessive gushing coupled with impertinent questions, then yeah, she got out of the way.  Thank goodness these comedic veterans were equipped to run the show.

American Idol Performances Not Live — Are the Producers Incompetent?

Fox announced that this week’s American Idol will be pre-taped because there is a “new director and new judges, and it has nothing to do with manipulation.”  Though I agree that this has nothing to do with manipulation, I’m certain it has everything to do with incompetence.  It takes a lot of skill to produce a live show, and pre-taping it is a cop-out way of saying they can’t execute the task.  Furthermore, the essence of American Idol’s brand is that it’s a live show, so this is preposterous.  I’d like to also add that I feel terrible for the audience this week, because if you ever gone to a non-live show taping, then you know it’s absolute torture to sit through five hours of taping for a one hour show.  To put things in perspective, they often don’t even let you leave to pee.  Yeah — you heard me.

Charlie Sheen Fired From Two and a Half Men — a $60 Million Dollar Mistake

Warner Bros. (the studio that produces Two and a Half Men for CBS) announced the end of Charlie Sheen today, firing him before the remainder of the season. I’m actually shocked by the news, not only because I ‘thought the studio would rather take the personal risk of employing a crazy actor, than the financial risk of killing their cash cow. Having said that, Charlie Sheen’s antics just cost him $60 million dollars, and then some. Because the show was shut down prior to the remainder of the season, that means CBS doesn’t have to pay Charlie Sheen for the eight episodes that went un-produced. Let me break this down in simpler terms to make the point clear. When actors sign television contracts, they get paid per episode, for “all episodes produced.” For example, if Sheen was fired mid-season, and then Stamos was hired to take his place, CBS would have to pay both Stamos AND Sheen, because Sheen’s contract said he gets paid for every episode produced in that season, whether he’s in the episode or not. Unfortunately for Sheen, CBS shut down production entirely, before finishing the last 8 episodes of the season. Translation — if the episodes weren’t made, then Sheen doesn’t get paid. Since Sheen makes 2 million dollars per episode, that means he just lost 16 million dollars. If only he could have contained his crazy for the rest of the season — he might have been able to hold off a predictable future bankruptcy a little longer (has he learned nothing from Nic Cage?). He also could have just acted like a normal human being and stayed on the the show until it ran it’s course. Just to make your jaw drop at his stupidity, just one more season of Two and a Half Men at $2 million per episode would have likely earned him $44 million. That’s a total of $60 million. Sheen’s lawyer is currently arguing that he should be paid for the remaining eight episodes of the current season, even though Warner Bros. never produced them. Good luck, Charlie.

Charlie Sheen’s Web-Cast — Just a Boring House-Party

Have you ever gone to a house party where everyone seems to be having a great time, and you’re looking for the nearest exit?  Such is the case with Charlie Sheen’s web-cast, which looked like the least happening shin-dig imaginable.  The only entertainment involved his overuse of the word “winning,” which never gets old.  Unless Sheen plans on releasing a porn involving his two “goddesses,” I’m not interested in any future broadcasting from his mansion.  As an aside, Charlie Sheen’s antics prove exactly why television networks make actors “exclusive” to the network in their contracts.  Now that Charlie Sheen is free from Two and a Half Men, he can be “funny” in real life.  Great for him, bad for us.  I imagine that if every actor was this legally free to pursue their creative fantasies, you might see some other A-listers going bat-sh#t-crazy.  Watch the “entertainment” below.

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Sirius Launches Charlie Sheen Channel — Ripping off Howard Stern’s Ideas?

Sirius announced a station exclusively dedicated to Charlie Sheen’s antics, and they clearly stole the idea from Howard Stern’s radio show.  The new station will have interviews with some of Sheen’s porn stars, and just last week Howard Stern did the exact same thing while holding a porn star beauty pageant.  Also, if you’re a Stern fan then you know that Stern has a news team exclusively dedicated to the antics surrounding Howard Stern’s radio show, which is precisely what the Charlie Sheen station will do.  This is obviously how they thought of the idea.  You might be wondering what the problem is, especially considering that Howard Stern works for Sirius, so any Sirius popularity indirectly benefits Stern.  Because I’m a massive Howard Stern fan, I’m fully confident that Stern is furious about this.  First, Stern recently said that he’d like to give Sheen a radio show on one of Stern’s two channels, so it’s obviously troubling that Sirius will put similar content elsewhere.  Second, when Sirius offered Rosie O’Donnell a show, Stern was pissed because he wanted her on one of his channels.  He publicly exposed his anger, saying that Sirius basically stole his idea without consulting him.  It’s completely irrelevant that Stern and Sirius play on the same team.  They are still ripping off Stern’s original content, which is unacceptable.

Movie Review: Take Me Home Tonight

I’m not the right person to review this film.  First, I have a huge crush on Topher Grace, which makes me biased.  In fact, I recently saw him at a Hollywood party, and I’m convinced he gave me the eye.  It’s more likely than not that the “eye” I’m referring to was actually Topher Grace looking in fear at the crazy chick gawking at him — but a girl can dream. This film is basically a story-less comedy about a boy with a crush.  It’s set in the eighties, which I found slightly confusing, especially since it never fast-forwarded to real-time.  Topher Grace plays Matt Franklin, who recently graduated from MIT and is working in a video store until he finds out what he wants to do with his life.  He meets his high school crush, and he lies to her about his job because he’s embarrassed.  She invites him to a party, and he spends the entire night trying to impress her, which involves the pressure of keeping his lie.  I’d like to note that the only extremely funny scene was executed by Demitri Martin, who hilariously called-out Matt Franklin as a liar.  To be fair, Demitri is a stand-up comedian, so it only makes sense that he’d steal the show.  Throughout this film, I found myself wondering why Say Anything worked, and this didn’t.  Both films star a charming, somewhat dorky boy with a crush.  If Say Anything was released today, would it still be as popular?  I’m not sure.  Perhaps Topher needed to hold a stereo above his head or something?  I’m giving this movie a stronger than deserved overall rating because of my crush on Topher Grace. OVERALL RATING: SADISHFIED

Matt Damon’s Wife Was His Bartender — Encourages Others to Follow Suit

Matt Damon told a very touching story about meeting his wife, saying that he didn’t feel like going to a local bar in Miami while shooting Stuck on You, but it was worth it because his wife was his bartender that night, and they currently live happily ever after. He said the moral of the story is that “when you’re tired, suck it up and go to the bar because you might meet your wife.” I’d like to note that I too had a crush on a bartender once, only it didn’t end so happily. I distinctly remember showing up at his bar under the mistaken impression that he’d ask me out, only to discover him flirting with another girl the entire night. Apparently, I severely miscalculated the connection.  My friend and I laughed the entire ride home at the humiliation. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself — who will? Perhaps Matt Damon’s advice only applies to female bartenders? If that’s the case, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do to my parents. Maybe I’ll have better luck on the other team.

Peter MacNicol Rescues Grey’s Anatomy — Ally McBeal Nostalgia Ensues

I was elated to hear Peter MacNicol joined Grey’s Anatomy. He was my favorite actor on Ally McBeal, and he hasn’t had a similar role in years. In recent Grey’s Anatomy episodes, he’s played a cold-hearted doctor, but series creator Shonda Rimes delivered in last Thursday’s episode, when MacNicol showed his emotional side and asked out a nurse he has a crush on. If I knew Shonda Rimes, I’d beg her to make him a series regular instead of just a guest-star, because I fear he only has a few episodes left on his contract. The scene I’m referring to is on minute 35 of the video below. Enjoy!

Vintage Movie Pick — Charlie Sheen’s ‘The Chase’

Amidst all of this Charlie Sheen nonsense, I couldn’t help but remember that he’s actually a decent actor with an impressive resume.  Hopefully he’ll get back to it one of these days, instead of “winning” all over television.  One of my favorite Sheen films of all time is The Chase, where Sheen plays a man on the run, after being wrongly accused of a crime which will land him in prison for 25 years.  He has no choice but to take a woman hostage, and she’s conveniently very hot.  I think you can guess what happens next.  Get back to the acting, Charlie.