Underrated Film — Paris, je t’aime (Tuileries)

I came across Paris, je t’aime while surfing through Showtime, and I had to share it.  It’s 18 short films combined to make one, two-hour film, with different directors and actors in each short.  Each film represents a different part of Paris.  The short I’ve attached is called Tuileries, starring Steve Buscemi and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen.  Buscemi is one of my favorite actors of all time, so it’s nice to see him in a starring role, even if it’s for five minutes.  If you watch the film, you’ll notice that he doesn’t utter one word the entire time — only Buscemi could pull that off.

*Update: Steve Buscemi will have a new, starring role, after all. He’s starring in the HBO drama, Boardwalk Empire.

Fantasia For Real — Or Fake?

Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I enjoy watching infomercials.  As I was flipping through the channels in search of QVC, I sadly found Fantasia For Real instead.  I apologize to my readers in advance for having to read this review, but I just couldn’t help it.  If you think that Keeping up With the Kardashians is fake, I would encourage you to avoid this train wreck of a show, because “fake” would be an understatement.  In fact, “disturbing” might be more applicable.  Here’s the brief recap: many of the people around Fantasia endlessly discuss her “talent” and super-stardom (I’ll leave that one alone to stay true to my positive and non-judgmental nature).  At one point in the show, there’s a stripper pole, which I presume was some producer’s “funny” idea — I found it random and gross.  There’s also a scene where Fantasia’s mother confronts her about the tabloids, and confirms that neither one of them have a future in acting.  She also has a fake “baby-voice,” in the style of both Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton (the biggest voice-altering culprits).  I didn’t catch the episode which featured her suicide attempt, but the fact that the cameras stayed rolling immediately after is horrific.  Sure you could argue that taping someone else’s struggle might help another, but you’d be wrong.  It drives up the ratings, and I imagine that a psychiatrist would not prescribe cameras.

Isla Fisher Won’t Confirm Second Child — Carries Stroller

Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen had a second child without the media even knowing she was pregnant.  Perhaps they had a conversation with Sandra Bullock about keeping secrets.  What I find particularly funny though, is that the tabloids keep saying that Fisher and Cohen “won’t confirm” the birth of their child, despite being consistently spotted with a stroller.  When their newborn turns ten, will the tabloids keep calling the kid an “unconfirmed child?”  May I go on the record and say that I don’t care about celebrity babies?  I have no particular interest in whether Suri Cruise picks out her own dresses, or whether Shiloh Pitt will ever chuck her tomboy style.  Yes, it’s true — even celebrities can reproduce — including Borat.  That’s where my curiosity ends.

Freida Pinto Wants to Avoid Hot-Girl Type Casting — Then Shows GQ Some Leg?

Freida Pinto tells GQ that she was afraid to be type-cast as the hot girl after Slumdog Millionaire.  Wow, that’s such an interesting confession, especially since she’s posing in a short leather skirt while leaning up against a radiator.  I wonder if that will help her get more “serious” roles.  If you’re an avid fan of The Dishmaster, you would know that I constantly pick on woman for their come-fuck-me poses in magazines.  I can already anticipate the backlash for this post, and as a pre-emptive strike, I’d encourage you to Google Freida Pinto, and you will see that almost every single article title that references this GQ interview, refers to her “sultry” photos.  I’m surprised she did an interview at all actually, since none of the quotes will be picked up by the press.  I’d also like to point you to the cover of the same magazine, where Ryan Reynolds is fully clothed, despite the fact that he has a very serious six-pack.  Do you think that the photographer asked Reynolds to also strip down, and he wisely said no?  Actually, if I’m being fair, Reynolds is pretty guilty, considering he often poses sans clothing on magazine covers.

Dean Sheremet Calls-Out Leann Rimes — He’s a Rock-Star

Dean Sheremet responded to Leann Rimes ridiculous interview with Shape magazine, where she rudely spoke on his behalf and said that they were both unsatisfied with their marriage.  It’s one thing to do a magazine interview and speak for yourself, it’s another to justify your infidelity by speaking on behalf of your partner.  I especially like Dean though, because he didn’t allow her to get away with it, telling Us Magazine that he was “content and satisfied” with their marriage, and that he was “blindsided and shocked that she of all people would do this to the closest person in her life.”  What’s particularly interesting about Rimes, is how awful she is handling this in the press.  There have been many respected, leading ladies that cheated on their significant others and remained unscathed in the press.  But not Rimes.  Instead, she unnecessarily flaunts her relationship on twitter, and does dishonest interviews.

It’s Official: The Apprentice Needs Celebrities

I’m unsure who the culprit is at NBC who thought it was a good idea to return to Trump’s original Apprentice format, but they might be in the midst of a stern tongue-lashing.  The Non-Celebrity Apprentice (my title, not NBC’s) aired to horrific ratings on Thursday, with just 4.5 million viewers.  Why?  Because no one cares anymore about non-celebrities on reality television.  When The Apprentice originally aired, it was a success because of  the gimmick format.  Once people got used to it, they got tired of the show.  The celebrity format resurrected it, because the public is actually interested in whether celebrities can rub two brain cells together.  And with Bret Michaels’ surprise capability last season (i.e. he can actually make smart business choices that don’t involve how to avoid herpes from slutty hookers on Rock of Love), I’m surprised the producers returned to the original style.  Good job, guys.

Best Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a very funny man, which is a fact that many people don’t know.  Dax Shepard actually inspired this post, when he revealed to Howard Stern that Tom Arnold invited him to hang out with Schwarzenegger.  When Schwarzenegger told Shepard how much he loved his movies, Shepard was flattered.  That is, until Tom Arnold later confessed that after Shepard left the table, Schwarzenegger said, “who the hell is that?”  Leave it to Schwarzenegger to inflate the ego of a man he’s never heard of.  And now for the hilarious quote list.  Picture his accent while you read — it definitely adds to the entertainment value.

Arnold’s tweet on Sarah Palin (while flying over Alaska)

“[I am] looking everywhere but can’t see Russia.”

Arnold on pumping iron (said during his film, Pumping Iron)

It’s as satisfying to me as, uh, cumming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and cumming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of cumming in a gym, I’m getting the feeling of cumming at home, I’m getting the feeling of cumming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it’s terrific.

On Pot

“Marijuana is not a drug, it’s a leaf”

On his decision to run for Governor

“It was the most difficult decision in my life – except the one in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.”

After being pelted with an egg at a political rally

“This guy owes me bacon now . . . you can’t have egg without bacon.”

On his money

“Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.”

On his height

“I’m 6’2″. I’ve heard rumors that I’m really much shorter in real life – like 5’6″ or something like that – which is ridiculous. I can assure you this is not the case. People look up to me, and not just because I do a lot of work in the community. I mean, most people really look up to me.”

On running for Governor

“There’s a lot of people who want me to get out of acting and want me to run for governor. I think it’s mostly movie critics.”

Letterman in on Phoenix Hoax — Betrayed by Writer?

It’s bad enough that Casey Affleck duped me with his ridiculous Joaquin Phoenix mockumentary, but now I find out that Letterman was in on it?  How dare he!  Letterman’s writer, Bill Scheft, told Nuvo.com that Letterman knew prior to his interview with Phoenix that the whole thing was “all an act.”   I can’t decide what I’m more angry about: that Letterman tricked me, or that Bill Scheft betrayed Letterman by revealing the truth.  Allow me to explain.  Your job as Letterman’s writer is to make him look funny, not to promote your fantastic joke writing skills.  We all know that there is a slew of writers for each Late Night show, as it would be impossible for one man to single-handedly write his own jokes every night.  That being said, when you take an interview that was solely funny based on the premise that Letterman schooled Phoenix for his misbehavior, and expose that it was a trick, you’ve revealed the Wizard, and I don’t want to see the Wizard.  Learning the ins-and-outs of how shows get made, and who writes what joke, destroys the mystery.  So thank you, Mr. Scheft, for ruining one of my favorite Letterman interviews of all time.  In the future, keep the Wizard behind his curtain.

Verdict In — Casey Affleck Lied — Admits ‘I’m Still Here’ is a Hoax

Sometimes actors get an idea in their head that they are actually brilliant, and acting is merely a vehicle for them to enter a more difficult artistic medium, such as directing.  But to quote the great Alfred Hitchcock, actors are merely sheep.  That brings me to Casey Affleck, who got the idea in his pea-sized-head to make a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix, chronicling his descent into depression and drug addiction.  Despite his previous denials, he now admits the film is in fact a “hoax,” which technically makes it a mockumentary instead of a documentary.  Call me a humorless bore, but I don’t like being duped, and there’s nothing funny about Affleck’s concept.  As for Phoenix’s genius agent at William Morris, my advice is that you should have immediately dropped Phoenix when you learned about his choice to do this film.  And since you didn’t, Phoenix should now fire you for not stopping him.  That brings me to my closing tagline — good job, guys.  Further Reading: Casey Affleck Says Joaquin Phoenix Documentary Not a Hoax — Is he Lying or Evil?

Kim Kardashian Takes Mona Lisa Picture — With a Flash

If you have ever been to Paris to see the Mona Lisa, you would know that the process is a bit of nightmare.  Why? Because there are a ton of assholes standing around the painting with their cameras, snapping pictures with their flashes on.  It turns out that Kim Kardashian is amongst the assholes.  She recently posted a picture on her twitter page standing in front of the Mona Lisa, and you can see the flash reflecting off the glass behind her.  Everyone knows that flash based photography ruins paintings, but the Louvre maintains that it’s impossible to police in such a high-volume area.  Here’s my question: if the Louvre can’t even get its act together enough to control photographs of their most coveted painting, how do they control theft?  I hope Mona Lisa is armed, because she might have to protect herself.  Further Reading: How Kim Kardashian Stole Paris Hilton’s Life.