American Idol Is Officially Done — Sucks Without Simon Cowell

Well, it’s official. Start saying your goodbyes to American Idol. I watched the show tonight and hoped for the best. But it just doesn’t work without Simon Cowell. The ship needs a captain, and the captain can now be seen on X Factor, which will soon trounce American Idol in the ratings. I know this not only because I’m a genius, but also because that’s exactly what happened in England. Simon Cowell started in England on a show called Pop Idol, which exploded in the ratings. When he left Pop Idol for X Factor, Pop Idol tanked, and X Factor became an immediate hit. Why? Because Cowell is a necessity, and without him, it’s just another talent show. So Simon — if you’re reading this — I missed you tonight, and I found myself waiting for you to appear at the table.  I’ll see you soon.

American Idol Judges Announced — They’re Too Famous

I’m still confused about why Fox thinks Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are good ideas for American Idol judges.  The problem last season was that the show became too judge-centered, and the contestants were an afterthought.  The new panel will just further incite that issue.  It’s not possible to have Jennifer Lopez on the judging panel without her stealing the spotlight.  I still maintain that Tommy Mottola would be the better pick, along with a washed-up pop-star that was very famous in her day.  That’s why Paula Abdul worked.  She had the credibility necessary to judge, and she was no longer too famous to divert attention away from the contestants.  Plus, she was a lovable train-wreck, which always made for great entertainment.  None of this matters anyways, because Simon’s Cowell’s X-Factor will trounce American Idol regardless of the judges.  When he launched X-Factor in the UK, Pop Idol (the original hit-show) only lasted one year before getting canned.  I predict the same fate for American Idol.

Musicians that Want to be Actors — Is it Possible?

Some actors have easily made the transition to music (i.e. Jennifer Lopez), but it seems much harder for musicians to make the transition to acting.  My theory?  Many actors got their start in musical theater, and can already sing, so the transition isn’t as difficult.  But what musician hung out in their high school’s drama club?  I can’t think of a faster way to loose your rock star status.  I’ve compiled a list of musicians that gave acting the old college try, but to no avail.

Mariah Carey has had the acting bug for quite some time. I first saw her on the big screen with a funny cameo in 1999’s The Bachelor, and she later starred in Glitter. She got her first positive accolades from her appearance in Precious, coupled with much speculation about whether her woman-mustache was real or fake. Fear not — it was fake.


Justin Timberlake has had a few substantial acting roles, but has yet to find his breakout hit. He first impressed me in a movie called Alpha Dog, where he proved he can definitely act. He’s just filmed Bad Teacher, with his ex-girlfriend, Cameron Diaz — who I assume recommended him for the role. It certainly pays to be on good terms with exes. Perhaps I should start making some bury-the-hatchet phone calls?

You might not know that Jon Bon Jovi tried to be an actor. After Robert Downey Jr. left Ally McBeal due to some highly publicized “issues,” Bon Jovi became her new love interest, in hopes of resurrecting the ratings. It didn’t work. Though he was certainly nice to look at, there just wasn’t any chemistry. He also appeared as Sarah Jessica Parker’s love interest on Sex and the City.  I actually think his best role was as an angry wife-beater in Pay it Forward, but the film never took off.

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Today’s Gripe: No More Birthing Scenes in Movies

Many very enjoyable films and television shows are destroyed by a gratuitous scene of a woman giving birth. It’s been done a million times, in both comedies and dramas. The only time I have ever seen it done successfully, is in the film Nine Months, and the title itself explains why it was necessary. So with the news that Kristen Stewart’s character, Bella, will be giving birth in the upcoming Twilight movie, I’m reminded of why I’ll avoid the next installment. It’s gross and unnecessary, and for some reason it’s lauded as some incredible acting accomplishment. Remember when Jennifer Aniston got an Emmy the same year she gave birth to Ross’s baby on Friends? And if you saw Jennifer Lopez’s recent film, The Back-Up Plan, then you subjected yourself to another beyond repulsive birthing scene, that was an ill-attempt at humor. We all know the many ways a woman gives birth, and I’m sure for the parents it’s a beautiful experience. But it’s not my baby you’re giving birth to — so don’t show it.

‘The Switch’ Bombs — Are High-Concept Movies Doomed at the Box-Office?

Jennifer Aniston’s film, The Switch, tanked at the weekend box-office, and many are citing it has her fall from grace.  Since I loved the film, I’m left scratching my head as to why it failed.  My guess?  High-concept films are doomed from the start.  Though it didn’t bother me that the entire plot was given away in the trailer, I’m guessing it bothered others, who didn’t feel the need to watch the movie, fully knowing how it would play out.  Remember Jennifer Lopez’s recent flop, The Back-Up Plan?  That was another high-concept movie, which also revealed too much in the trailer.  There was a time when movies didn’t need these over-the-top concepts to gain financial success.  When Harry Met Sally, for example, was a little film about platonic friendship, and it’s one of the greatest romantic comedies in history.  It didn’t need a woman who was impregnated with the wrong sperm  — the dialogue and characters were enough.  But without all this useless plot-glitter, films just don’t get made these days.  An action film needs $100 million worth of CGI created explosions, and romantic comedies need sperm issues.  I yearn for the good-old-days of high quality writing, when the most complicated concept was meeting at the empire state building at the same time (if you don’t know what movie that is, you should be ashamed of yourself).

Jennifer Lopez and American Idol — What Really Happened

First she’s in, then she’s out, and now she’s back in?  There is a lot of press drama surrounding Jennifer Lopez as a potential judge on American Idol — and here’s my take on the behind-the-scenes of what has really gone down.  When word leaked that Lopez would be a judge, she had not yet signed her contract.  The folks over at Idol figured that it was nearly a done deal, but insisted to the public that nothing was final until she signed on the dotted line.  Well, they certainly knew what they were talking about.  Before Lopez signed, it became clear through press leaks that her demands got out of control, and they were simply done with negotiations.  Why announce this publicly?  As a negotiating ploy, of course.  Fox wants to let Lopez know that they can play hard-ball too, and the best way to do that is to call her bluff with a public announcement that the negotiation fell through.  Lopez probably got wise, and had her people return to battle.  Now, they are back to the drawing board, and once again awaiting her to sign her deal.  How long will this take, and will she actually make any concessions?  I predict she’ll sign, because artists no longer have the kind of leverage they once had in the industry, or she’ll learn a lesson the hard-way.  And by “hard-way,” I mean lose her chance at staying relevant for a couple more minutes.

Curvy Actresses — Who Are They?

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I read somewhere that Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester (on the right) is “curvy,” and I couldn’t help but laugh.  I think the definition of “curvy” has morphed into something along the lines of, “a person that doesn’t look l like they are going to fall over and die at any moment due to anorexia.”  So yes, Leighton Meester certainly looks like she eats actual food.  So I’ve decided to post a list of curvy actresses in an effort to clarify what this term actually means.  I’m not sure when it became fashionable in Hollywood to have a little boy’s body, so I hope this post will draw attention to the bodacious beauties.  Enjoy!


Eva Mendes

Jennifer Lopez


Scarlett Johansson

Salma Hayek


Christina Hendricks

America Ferrera


Sara Ramirez


Jennifer Love Hewitt

Celebrity Couples — Who Started the Combined-Name Monikers?

Almost every celebrity magazine I read refers to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as “Brangelina.”  So it got me thinking — where did these combination nicknames come from and who can I send a bouquet of flowers?  The unlikely culprit is Dogma director Kevin Smith.  It all started with a little couple known as “Bennifer.” Kevin Smith directed Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in the box office flop, Jersey Girl, and he used the nickname in reference to his terrible time with the couple.  He said in an interview that he’s “learned absolutely nothing [in his career], except to never work with ‘Bennifer’ again.”  He later described it as his “worst on-set experience.”  To be fair, Smith isn’t the only person to blame.  It was Chris Rock who turned his comment into the monster that it became.  While hosting the Mtv Movie Awards, Rock used the nickname again, and the subsequent snowball effect couldn’t be stopped.  So there you have it.  And as a tribute to the best celebrity-couple nicknames of all time, I’ve posted a list below.  Enjoy.

  • TomKat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes)
  • Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)
  • Billary (Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton)
  • Desilu (Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz)
  • Filliam H. Muffman (Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy — Thanks to Stephen Colbert)
  • Bennifer 2.0 (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner)

Jennifer Lopez on American Idol — Career Suicide?

When I heard Jennifer Lopez was joining the American Idol judging table, my furrowed brow caused a permanent dent in my forehead.  What on earth is she thinking?  I know that American Idol has gained some serious respect and big names over the years, but judging a reality competition is where a star goes to die.  It is only good to launch an unknown’s career, but for someone that is already famous, it’s inevitably a step backward.  When Paula joined, she was a well-liked has-been that people wanted to see in front of the camera again.  She won a Grammy during her once-upon-a-time success, and was lovable train-wreck.  But Jennifer Lopez is still too relevant to make this move.  Deadline reports that her career is actually in the toilet, so she was courting American Idol for the opportunity.  Her recent film, The Back-Up Plan, tanked at the Box Office, and her record label dropped her.  So perhaps she isn’t as relevant as I like to think she is, and this is the boost she needs.  I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.

Tom Cruise Discusses the JLO Butt Slap on Jay Leno – I love Him

Tom Cruise appeared on Jay Leno to promote ‘Knight and Day,’ and Leno thankfully asked him for the details on the Les Grossman/JLO dance at the Mtv Movie Awards. Tom explained that it was his idea to do the performance, and Jennifer Lopez immediately agreed to join. After watching the interview, I hope that you too will find many reasons to love Tom Cruise again. He’s still the best actor around, he’s insanely good-looking, and he seems like a fun guy to have a beer with. I’d also like to preemt your angry emails about how he’s an obsessive scientology freak that hates women, by saying – I don’t care. Just about everyone I know in the industry that has met Tom Cruise, tells me what a great guy he is, and that’s good enough for me. If you only knew how many of your movie ticket purchases support actors and directors that treat people horribly, you might cringe at your own hypocrisy. Go see his movie!  Watch the interview below.